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Freshmen Boy going to Senior Prom with Senior Girl

Spectrum303Spectrum303 Posts: 728- Member
edited May 2006 in Parent Cafe
My freshmen friend was recently asked by a senior girl to go to the senior prom with him as a friend. He said yes most likely he can go, but apparently his mother discouraged him from going due to expense and various danger present at a typical high school prom.

He: White. REALLY tall. Very smart. Good looking. Pretty popular.
She: Asian. Short. Smart. Average looking. Not very popular.

Things to consider
1. Age + Grade difference. Height difference. Ethnicity difference. Most likely interest difference.
2. Freshman going to senior prom?!
3. Guaranteed alcohol consumption. Slight chance of drugs+sex.
4. Freshman going to senior prom?!
5. The girl was not asked by anyone else. Slight pity factor might be involved.
6. The two are acquaintances from math class and tennis. Friendly but not really friends.

As of now only about three people know about this. He asked my opinion and I was against it. From your perspective, that is, pretend he was YOUR child, do you think he should go with ramifications bore in mind? What is there to gain and what is there to lose?
Post edited by Spectrum303 on

Replies to: Freshmen Boy going to Senior Prom with Senior Girl

  • fendergirlfendergirl Posts: 4,647Registered User Senior Member
    who cares? how about stop being so juvenile and he should just decide if he wants to go, or if he doesn't want to go... who cares if she is purple or green or blue.
  • Spectrum303Spectrum303 Posts: 728- Member
    Fendergirl, your opinion was of great help. In fact, I will call him right now of inform him of your profound analysis of the situation.

    I wish life were simple like that. He's a good friend, and I hope nothing bad will come out of his going.

    "From your perspective, that is, pretend he was YOUR child, do you think he should go with ramifications bore in mind? What is there to gain and what is there to lose?"
  • fendergirlfendergirl Posts: 4,647Registered User Senior Member
    Okay, i'll analyze it better...

    If he were my child, I would tell him exactly the following: Who cares if she is older, shorter, a different ethnicity, not of the same social stature? Then I would probably wonder why I raised someone who honestly cares about those things.

    I would probably wonder if he knew other people that were going, or just her... because I don't think it would be very fun to be with someone who you are sort of friendly with and not know any of her actual friends.

    And, there's only alcohol consumption or sex if you want alcohol consumption or sex. If he doesn't want those things, then they won't happen. The age difference shouldn't matter. I wouldn't have a problem if my 17 year old sister went with my 23 year old best friend.

    It all comes down to the following (in my mind): Do you want to go, or do you not want to go?
  • MomOFourMomOFour Posts: 538Registered User Member
    They're not getting married, it's just a prom. It's awfully late for the girl, if he feels like helping her out, it might be a nice thing to do.

    To Gain: helping out another person, a night spent doing something new, maybe a lot of fun, meeting a wider social circle

    To Lose: might be bored, money

    As for the alcohol, drugs, and sex, learning to navigate those issues is all part of growing up. Seeing as they're going as platonic friends, it may not be an issue, but he should be prepared just in case. I don't think the age difference matters.
  • twilightdarlingtwilightdarling Posts: 216Registered User Junior Member
    I have to laugh at height difference and ethnicity difference. It really doesn't matter. I went to a prom with guy who was a foot taller than me. I am Chinese, he is white.

    I don't even know why you are considering her appearance and her popularity. That seems pretty childish and shallow.

    This is your friend's decision. If he feels comfortable, then he should go. If he feels that it would be waste of money and he would have a awful time, don't go.

    If you think there will problems, take precautions. Find the address of where the prom takes place. Get her cellphone number. If she is driving, get her license plate. Have taxi number in case he gets stranded (i.e. the driver is drunk). Tell several close friends where he will be and get them to check in on him.

    At least, that's what I did when I went to another school's prom. But I think it is slightly different for a girl.


    Age difference might not matter. But maturity level might.
  • SusantmSusantm Posts: 2,188Registered User Senior Member
    My son went to the prom with a senior girl when he was a freshman. It was a case where a girl he knew in band asked if he would go with her best friend, who needed a date. He didn't even know the girl, but thought it was neat to attend the prom as a freshman. Fortunately for him, he already had a tux, given out by band as their uniform, so he only had a rent a shirt and tie. They didn't go to a lot of expense, and he went with a group of friends. It wasn't a big deal. They both had fun, and that was that.

    And why is alcohol consumption guaranteed? My son attended three proms without having any alcohol. And who cares about interests, age, ethnicity? If they're going as friends, none of that matters.
  • cangelcangel Posts: 4,127Registered User Senior Member
    I think Mom should certainly have some rules for when to come home that are different from when the boy is going to HIS prom as a senior. Honestly, as a Mom, I would have a problem with my 14 year old son or daughter going to the prom - not because of the girl or the age difference, but because of his age. My son has a couple of senior friends - he got them Valentines!, one would give a lift home from school occasionally if there was an event, and we couldn't get there to pick him up - the last day the seniors were there, she gave him a ceremonial ride home, a good-bye opportunity - - but they didn't ask him to prom. Alcohol consumption at our prom is tightly controlled - it goes on afterwards, so I wouldn't worry about that. Just would make him come home early, I guess.
  • CosmopolitanCosmopolitan Posts: 150Registered User Junior Member
    Hmmm...my double standard is showing. I have a freshman daughter and if she received an invitation to prom from a senior boy she would not be allowed to go. I think in that case the difference in their ages is relevant; the maturity level (one would hope) in three years would be rather different and hence I would think not an appropriate match. I would wonder, in the case of a senior boy, why he could not find a date closer to his age, whether he might "take advantage" (how quaint) of a younger, less sophisticated girl, and that his curfew limits might be more generous than those permitted a 15 year old girl. OK, take your shots kids, that's just the way I feel. BTW, I dated a senior boy when I was a freshman (my parents were nuts), so I'm not making this stuff up!
  • alongfortheridealongfortheride Posts: 474Registered User Member
    "Hmmm...my double standard is showing."

    I was noticing that about this whole thread. Not too long ago on another thread people roasted parents who let freshman girls go out with senior boys, but apparently, the opposite is ok. What amazes me is that when it's a younger boy and older girl, it's a sincere, sweet relationship. When it's an older boy, it's all about sex and partying and getting what he wants from the girl. Why must we assume that all young men are wolves incapable of sincere and sweet feelings?

    I let my freshman daughter go with a senior once upon a time. I know his family well. The limo picked them and another couple up and had them back at our house for movies and food before midnight. He was perfectly happy to take her on those terms, which by the way were his. He's the love of her life and an outstanding young man.
  • SusantmSusantm Posts: 2,188Registered User Senior Member
    I guess I'm not seeing the question posed here as a question of "Should a freshman boy DATE a senior girl?" but of "Is it OK if a freshman boy helps out a senior girl who doesn't have a prom date and really wants to go?" That was the case when my son, as a freshman, took a senior to the prom. They were just going as friends, and that was clear to both of them from the start. They never "dated" before or after the prom.

    I don't have a daughter, so I can't relate to the other side of the question as well, but I think if it were similar--Would it be OK for a freshman girl to help out a senior friend who needed a date to the prom, and they intended to go just as friends--I don't think I would see a problem. Long term dating is a whole different question, which I won't even try to address.
  • maineparentmaineparent Posts: 898Registered User Member
    My s went earlier this month....he is a freshman and his "date" was a senior girl. Her boyfriend graduated 2 yrs ago.....he was not able (or didn't want) to attend....the gal and my son are on sports team together and are just nice friends......my guy has a great sense of humor.... he was home right after it was over....they all went to dinner together before hand....6-8 couples.....all the parents grouped to get photos.....he paid for his own ticket and the cost of his own dinner, she for hers, we 'rents paid for his tux, he had a wonderful time.... my girlfriends view it as a reflection of my guy's "maturity" and "kindness" that he was asked... and I agree with that.....it was nice to have them reiterate it, however.

    Certainly I discussed all of the "issues" like drinking or "friends with benefits" stuff with him....he was patient and accepting of our concerns and we have no regrets.....of course, I did give thought to the fact that one could over analyze..... we just decided to "trust" both of the kids involved and it turned out to be a win win for all.
  • SuNaSuNa Posts: 923Registered User Member
    I admit to feeling different about a sr. boy and freshman girl versus a sr. girl and a frosh guy, but not too different. In general, theoretically, I'd say counsel the freshman to wait a year or two. But there are always exceptions, as maineparent points out.

    The parents making this decision should take into account the personalities, and go with their gut feelings.
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