Second Semester Blues - Page 13

mkm56 · 03-01-2007, 01:09 PM

Deb, I'm so glad things are sounding more positive. He should pat himself on the back for taking the steps he has. They are not easy ones to do.

Quote:

IMO guys often assume if you want to participate you'll say something.
Often when my son was upset with a friend, his friend had know clue why.

I think telling the other guys how he was feeling was a huge action and one that took a lot of courage. You are really hanging yourself out there when you express your feelings. Like golfingmom said in the above quote, guys just think someone will speak up if they want to be included. I know my son has felt left out of groups and if I questioned why he didn't let them know he was interested in xyz, his reply was that he didn't want to be a pest or a "hanger-on". Most often the others are just clueless.

Good news! Glad you posted.

cheers · 03-01-2007, 01:17 PM

Yea! Often it only takes one or two friends to make your whole world seem more worthwhile. Fantastic news. Hopefully he will cover some of thiese communication issues with the counselor.

Well done to you, Deb.

coronax2 · 03-01-2007, 01:45 PM

Deb, that's wonderful news. As cheers just said, having one or two friends can make the world of difference, and chances are he'll build from there. The fact that he's getting exercise too, is nothing but positive. Not only will he feel better about himself, it's also such a great stress reliever. Thanks for the update.

deb922 · 03-01-2007, 02:02 PM

I didn't do anything but listen and make suggestions.

Can you imagine if my S knew that his trials and tribulations would have started this thread? He would be so annoyed. The way this has changed and moved has so amazed me and I appreciate everything that anyone has said.

Men are funny creatures. My S has a hard time asking to be included, just expects that if they want him to be there, they'll ask. And of course, he never thinks about including other people.

ivoryk · 04-23-2007, 10:04 AM

I have referred back to this thread so many times over the past several months and continue to be overwhelmed by the wisdom contained within these posts. It is certainly not always an easy ride. I thought to contact several posters by PM, as I am wondering how their children are faring now. Then it occurred to me others might benefit from an update as well. I hope no one minds me dredging this up. I certainly hope that any updates bring positive news....

deb922 · 04-23-2007, 10:33 AM

ivoryk, I don't mind at all. I not sure what happened but it seemed that overnight, things were better. Personally, I think that warmer weather and longer days had as much to do with it as anything.

My D decided to start hanging out with other people and not be so choosy. He was avoiding people who drank but decided that he could hang out with people and do his own thing. He's involved with his Freshman Honor Society and was elected Secretary and is having a good time.

He decided to keep the major that he orginally thought about, he really thought about changing to ChemE but he really likes the jobs that he sees in Materials and is joining a cooperative business venture that is geared for ChemEs but he can do an a MaterialsE.

He decided that although he likes to have good grades, it wasn't worth studying all the time and he been having more fun and doing things. His grades are going to be good, not as good as first semester but very, very good.

Only two more weeks of school and then he'll be home. He told me yesterday his friends wished that he would stay after his finals are over to hang out but I've already made reservations and taken off work so I'm not going to change.

Thanks for asking, it's great to post a positive update.

GolfingMom · 04-23-2007, 10:40 AM

Deb 922,

Thanks for the update. I'm glad your son is doing well. Spring break and good weather do wonders for us all.

MomofWildChild · 04-23-2007, 03:37 PM

WildChild prepared several transfer applications and won't hear until mid-late May. His assessment of his current school has not changed. He sustained a painful injury to his knee (already had been scheduled for knee surgery for the same knee) a few weeks ago and wound up coming home. He had surgery on Friday and is recovering. I will take him back to school later this week for finals. He had to drop one course because he had missed too much class, between going AWOL and the knee stuff. He is fine with the others. He has been accepted as a transfer student to our state university, and claims that the tuition is less than his meal plan at the current school! He thinks that if he attended the state u, he should live in a penthouse apartment! (did I mention entitlement???) For now he is peacefully and painfully hooked up to several machines and holding forth on our couch.
Stay tuned.

mkm56 · 04-23-2007, 03:55 PM

My son is also transferring to our state U. (UNC). It also is so much less than current college, that he too is finagling for a luxury apt

. Yes, entitlement is alive and well!

fourkidsmom · 04-23-2007, 04:44 PM

Mine's been up and down and up and... but she's staying. She's found some friends she likes, has a good roommate for next year, has done some cool things this semester, hates her roommates, frustrated with her advisor so she changed to one she likes- I think I should change her name to drama queen. Mostly good and wouldn't even consider any state U, although I think she'd like some of them...

curiouser · 04-23-2007, 05:13 PM

To some degree, as a result of this thread, I made the 7 hour drive, unannounced to visit S on his campu several weeks ago. I needed to see with my own eyes whether he really was "fine". After a few stomach churning emails/phone calls that left me with very little real information, I couldn't handle it anymore and had to make the trip.

Things turned out a bit better than expected. I did get him to lighten his load by dropping a class, I made sure he turned in a couple of forms for advisement and housing to "protect his options" (I say this to him ALL the time), and made sure he ate a few good meals.

The jury is still out on what will happen next (ie, grades good enough to keep the scholarship, emotionally stable enough to go abroad if grades ARE good enough, possibly transferring, or maybe even taking a longer-term break).

But I learned a valuable lesson....I will trust my mental "little red flags" waving in my head and jump in the car again in a flash. I was SO relieved that S was functioning better than I thought, and in spite of some bouts of situation depression, I'm feeling more positive. When you have a kid who's not that communicative, phone calls and emails just don't do enough when things are getting rough.

Thanks again, all, for the help.