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Say it here cause you can't say it directly- the get it off your chest thread

citygirlsmomcitygirlsmom Posts: 13,158- Senior Member
edited January 24 in Parent Cafe
Okay, I know most of us a gracious, tactful, and subtle in person with our friends and acquaintences, saying the "right" thing, being supportive, etc

But admit it, often you would like to just blurt out the truth but don't because that would be not nice

So here is your chance to share what you really want to share with someone, who needs to here it, but you know you really can't say it to them

Here is mine:

To Parent # 1
Saw the school production your child was in , and yes your child does have stage presence, is attractive, and does an good job, but no, they should NOT consider a career in musical theater, with the intention of applying exclusively to schools or programs that need auditions. And yes, they do a nice job in the dance numbers, but no, they really have no talent in that area. Be smart, and guide them so they have lots of chances for a variety of schools- they are smart and charming but, being a dance or musical theater major is just not gonna happen, even though you see your child as the next big star....

To Parent # 2
Yes, it is wonderful your daughter is so popular, that boys call her all the time, that she is out every weekend with dates, but did you know that she has a really horrid reputation? That she as seen as very "friendly"?

Yes, I know these are a bit petty and snipey, that's why I don't say anything, but nod and change the subject, but it does feel good to vent here

Oh yeah
To Parent #3
Yes, congratulations on your son getting into College XYZ.....I think he will have a great time....too bad he cheated his way through high school

See you can't actually say this stuff, but man, it would feel good!!
Post edited by citygirlsmom on
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Replies to: Say it here cause you can't say it directly- the get it off your chest thread

  • janesmom1janesmom1 Posts: 258Registered User Junior Member
    Wow, I would like to get some things off my chest too. I have a friend who blatanly insulted my older d. by stating that the school my older d. attended (many years back), her daughter was, "too good" for.

    I politely ignored her and just moved on and changed the subject about colleges... but was deeply hurt by it.

    Our daughters will both be attending college in the fall. I would love to tell her that the college her daughter will attend, my daughter is "too good" for. But really, I could never do that. My friend will soon find out when she is shelling out $$$ for such a mediocre school.
  • frazzled1frazzled1 Posts: 4,978Registered User Senior Member
    Thank you, cgm - this is gonna be SO therapeutic! To someone who is old enough to behave better:

    "Hi. I privately refer to you as Lady Know-It-All. Is there any topic, including other people's children, on which you are not an expert? Do you have any idea of how often I have wanted to tell you to shut the *#@% up?

    "I could tune you out better if you weren't so sneaky and malicious about trying to make your daughter look better at the expense of other kids. Earlier this year you tsked-tsked and pretended to be concerned about a student we both know who was applying to top schools in a very selective major. You sounded soooo caring when you worried about "what she'd do come spring," since she was "mediocre" and "nothing special." So how did it feel to find out she got into most of these programs, including what is probably the top school in the field? HA! Wish I coulda been there.

    "Your daughter is bright and talented, but she isn't the "star" in the world we share (neither is mine, btw). You won't make her shine any brighter by putting the outstanding kids down. She also shows an unfortunate tendency to proclaim her expertise on all matters - so she apparently didn't fall far trom the tree. Lighten up."

    Wow - I feel great! :)
  • fireflyscoutfireflyscout Posts: 5,355Registered User Senior Member
    "Will you please stop whining about how you can't afford college tuition. You just put in a pool and bought a luxury car!"
  • thumper1thumper1 Posts: 36,930Registered User Senior Member
    My favorite "Oh I'm so glad your daughter got a SCHOLARSHIP to Wellesley...but Wellesley doesn't give scholarships...they only give need based aid."
  • ElleneastElleneast Posts: 1,134Registered User Senior Member
    You never showed any interest in me or my child in the past so, even though our children went to high school together, I don't care that your child has been on the Dean's List every semester, will be working on Wall Street for $250,000/year, is going to Harvard Med on the only merit scholarship that the school gives out and is dating Jake Gyllenhaal (sp?). All I want to know (in the 30 seconds that we see each other in the grocery store aisle) is that your child is happy and doing well.

    My kid is also happy and doing well, btw.
  • weenieweenie Posts: 5,793Registered User Senior Member
    To anon:

    "Listen to yourself. You are an utter snob."
  • haydenhayden Posts: 3,594Registered User Senior Member
    citygirlsmom - what a wonderful thread ! thanks.

    Here's my gripe - has been for the last 20 years:
    " Ok, distant family member. I spent the last 20 Christmases and Easters listening to how wonderful your son is, and marveling with you about his fantastic accomplishments. And I must have been stupid to think, every single year, "maybe this is the year you might finally ask how my kids are doing". But you never did. So I just kept smiling and congratulating you on yours. And of course I heard how graduating with a 3.0 from "his school" was an awesome accomplishment, since the school was so terrific. (Did you ever think that all that manly drinking you seemed so strangely proud of had something to do with a 3.0 ?) I will admit I truly did sympathize when your son got rejected from every one of the law schools he applied to (I'll tell you that was real sympathy, by the way, since you might not otherwise recognize it). But when my son graduated PBK, and got into a top law school, I kinda hoped you'd at least congratulate him. Even though you heard it from our cousin, not us, because you never bothered to ask us what he was doing.

    Oh, and one last thing: I truly, truly hope your S learns to be a caring individual from someone along the line, because at the end of the day, that means a heck of a lot more than what schools you go to. "

    Whew. Thanks. Now I can face Easter with a real smile. I feel as if I've gone to confession (and I'm Protestant).
  • MarianMarian Posts: 9,359Registered User Senior Member
    Dear parents of my daughter's friend,

    Four years ago, you forced your child into a math/science magnet program, instead of letting her attend the IB school of her dreams, because the math/science magnet is the best high school program in our area. What you didn't take into account was that it wasn't the best program for her. She doesn't like science, and she isn't especially good at math. What she is is an extraordinary writer. She writes better than I do, and I do it for a living. And this despite the fact that English is not her first language!

    Your daughter got through the math/science program, yes. But she didn't especially like it, and she didn't distinguish herself. In IB, she would have loved the curriculum, and she would have been a star. She would have had the kind of credentials and recommendations that would have gotten her into truly great colleges. But as it is, her college application results were so disappointing that she will probably end up accepting the merit scholarship offered by our state university for lack of a more attractive alternative.

    This is what happens when you try to force round pegs into square holes. You should have let her be herself.
  • doubleplaydoubleplay Posts: 3,550Registered User Senior Member
    OK I'll do this.
    To the college counselors at our private high school,
    When you put out those little friendly emails and bulletins every month, congratulating some students (obviously your favorites) for getting into this or that school or scholarship, why don't you make it a point to do the same for the rest of the kids? Oh, I forgot, because there's not enough room or time to recognize all the kids. Well then, go ahead and ignore the rest. BTW, when the school sends out those little glossies every year for the next umpteen years to all the alumni, asking for donations, I hope those few annointed favorites supply you with all the financial support you need.
  • jmmomjmmom Posts: 9,081Registered User Senior Member
    Great thread, cgm. I don't need it right this minute, but I plan to resurrect it when the opportunity comes up. I'm sure it will :p.
  • BookladyBooklady Posts: 3,122Registered User Senior Member
    doubleplay, wow. What an insensitive thing for a school to do. Last year, when our D graduated from private school, they stopped sending out a list of where each student was going to college, as they had done every year previously. Instead, the list only had college names and the number of kids attending each one. While we were told this was for "privacy reasons", I think the real reason was to minimize the amount of one-upsmanship, gossip, etc. among the parents. I'm glad they made the change.
  • citygirlsmomcitygirlsmom Posts: 13,158- Senior Member
    its like spring cleaning!!! of the mind and soul

    everyone has these thoughts and people in their lives, and because we have tact, we say nothing, but to vent a bit like this feels gooooooooooood
  • Countdown'sBegunCountdown'sBegun Posts: 64Registered User Junior Member
    To my neighbors who no longer invite me to their clique-ish parties and have made fun of me behind my back because, as a single mom, I decided to spend my money on a good private school that met my daughter's educational needs rather than a boob job, designer clothes, pool, exotic trips, etc. like you all have done. Guess what? Your daughter is struggling through Community College, has a horrible reputation (I am sure it has nothing to do with the thong underwear you bought her at 12 or the belly button piercing you "surprised" her with for Christmas at 14), and is a total snot. On the other hand, my daughter, even after battling a life-threatening illness for 1 1/2 yrs, forcing her to miss school for that long and graduate a year later, just got accepted into her dream school, is known for her acceptance of others, and has more interesting hobbies and interests than your daughter's obsession with "guys". Oh, and get used to my clothing. I will be paying for what the college doesn't with the money I've saved...and I won't have to file for bankruptcy to do it, like I hear three of you did last year.
  • wolfpiperwolfpiper Posts: 661- Member
    "I really shouldn't have said anything. So please pretend I had tHE common sense to keep my trap shut because I REALLY don't relish having to avoid you for the next three months. Thanks. And no, I don't want your advice, however well-intentioned it may be."
  • corrangedcorranged Posts: 6,684Registered User Senior Member
    That is so sad, Doubleplay. I went to a small school, and every acceptance for every student was celebrated. Students supported each other for their first choice schools, even if that first choice is a mile below your safety.

    Thumper, there are these two girls who I knew. The whole family was very annoying (and resembled many of these comments!). One of the girls was talking all about how her sister got a "full ride" at a school that only had need-based aid. My friend who was talking to her said something like, "oh, it's great that you got such good financial aid" and the other girl of course replied: "no, she got a full ride." I'd like to tell that girl that she, her brother, and her sister are nothing special. She stole the idea for her project for the state science fair, and by the way, no teenager wants to grow up to be a lobbiest.

    I'd like to tell a certain family member that yes, I realize it's very sad that your grandson probably hasn't reached his full potential, but please don't say that if he had gone to my school he would be just where I am today. I am bright, I get along with people, and I work hard. Your grandson is maladjusted, never worked hard in school (for the short time he was there), and has no aspirations or plans to go anywhere in his life. I'm sorry about that. I really am because there are many things that he could do well. I know that you're very proud of me and brag about me to people, but I hate hearing you go on and on about how this boy is so smart and could have done so well. The fact that he didn't take advantage of his opportunities and make his life go someplace is a much more telling sign of his potential for success than any smarts he may or may not have.
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