timewaster

Okay wise and wonderful fellow CC parents- I need your help on this one.

I just came back from my last PTA meeting at my ds high school. I've been attending meetings there since my older D started there 6 years ago. I haven't served as an officer, but I have served as a liaison and worked on numerous committees. Tonight was the closing meeting- the president thanked this one and that one but made absolutely no mention of thanking the "Graduating" parents (I think there were 2 of us this year and the other parent was thanked for chairing a committee). In past years graduating parents were publicly thanked and wished well.

When the meeting ended I actually left the room in a hurry so no one could see I was going to cry. Maybe I'm just emotional about my youngest graduating- but I was unbelieveable hurt.

Before everyone beats up on me for being self-centered- I have to say that I didn't get involved in PTA so everyone could tell me how wonderful I was- if I wanted that I would have been an officer or taken more visable position. I got involved to support my kids school.

I would just have liked to have been recognized so I didn't feel like I had been wasting my time there for the past 6 years.

I'll be chairing a committee for another organization soon and you can believe that I will publicly thank everyone who volunteers their time!!!!

And, in full disclosure mode- I think the president was a real "piece of work" who just cared more about getting herself and her daughter recognized than anything else. (Hmmm- maybe she could tell I felt that way )

cheers

Yeah, you are over-reacting and over-expecting. Most board members and long-serving volunteers have similar stories to tell. If I told you what one board gave me as a thank you--you'd scream in disbelief.

Give yourself a big pat on the back and a nice treat--and shake your head over their lack of manners.

citygirlsmom

you aren't over reacting, but are, sadly, overexpecting

it COULD have just been a simple error, but I don't think so

My Ds old elementary school was like that-not thanking the real workers enough, the ones who didn't get any glory, but did the leg work, the stacking of chairs, and showed up each and every time they were asked- but little was done for them, just a big announcement to the people in charge

When we became "alumni" familes, do you think they are getting any $$

Not a chance, I am putting my $$ elsewhere

ANd just because its happens alot, doesn't make it right

I would say something to the other members of the board, telling them that just because you and other families are leaving, doesn't mean that your work didn't matter

And that in the future, they might want to consider at least nodding in your direction

jasmom

timewaster,
Please allow me... I've never been a PTAer. No excuse, just busy and not a joiner.
I deeply appreciate the time, energy, and thoughtful planning you've consistently put into making our school a better, warmer place for all our children. You selflessness has allowed our teachers and administrators to feel supported, and you've represented the rest of us with your ideas, hard work, and organizational accumen. You've left your mark not only on our school but on our entire community. In addition, I know your daughter is very proud. You've taught her to care, to be involved, and to work hard for what she believes.
You will be remembered and missed.

frrrph

Mind if I bask in the sweet, thoughtful glow of the above post

dogwood23

It's hard to remain rational with a graduate in the wings and certain areas of life coming to the end of the road. It's also very hard to be overlooked for all of your volunteer efforts after so many years. But as you pointed out, you did your good deeds for the right reasons, helping out your child's school. You accomplished that. You know it and I'm sure your family knows it. You have set a wonderful example for your child. Now you get to set yet another good example by not making any fuss over the lack of recognition. Such is life.

In my years of volunteering at schools and with community groups, all too often I've seen the role of volunteers taken for granted. It's unfortunate as a lot of things really wouldn't come together without the hours and hours and hours of time put in by so many willing hands and hearts. Usually the same hands and hearts can be found doing multiple activities. And way too many others who choose NOT to contribute any time or effort are the first to complain when there is even the smallest bump in the road paved by volunteers that also benefit their children. (Yes, it's been a tough spring in my volunteer world.)

I'm sorry you were slighted. Take heart in knowing that you stepped up and did a good thing for your community.

HImom

Sorry to say that it happens so often and I've probably been guilty of it as much as the next person. There are so many quiet helpers that do the work that needs to be done without thanks. Yes, they SHOULD be thanked and when we remember and think of how much their efforts make things better for everyone, we are awed. Sometimes, it would take a very long time to thank ALL of them and sometimes there are petty reasons not to thank all of them and other times it's just an oversight (shouldn't be but is).

I have been at both ends--the person not thanked and the person who has forgotten to thank. I have also been embarassed by being thanked TOO much when the others who in my mind also should have been thanked & acknowledged weren't. It's really tough sometimes, so hold your head high, give yourself a treat and know YOU MADE A DIFFERENCE and are making our world a better place.

Margaret Mead was once asked, "Do you think that a single individual can make a difference?" Then she pointed out that "It's the only thing that has ever made a difference."

BonTon

I don't think you're over-reacting. I think you have every right to feel sad and slighted. I'm sure your last PTA meeting felt very disappointing and anti-climactic. After all, this is also your graduation from HS volunteering. I think the Prez probably didn't mean to ignore you, she just wasn't prepared and hadn't given careful thought to what she was going to say. So hold your head high and hope you never make such a thoughtless mistake. You did a great job all those years and your kids were better students because of it. And that president is a jerk.

doubleplay

It was rude. They should have at least said a proper good bye, knowing that this was your last meeting. Heck, some of the groups I've been in will come in with a "Bon Voyage" cake when a member/s leave.

It might give you a little closure, if you still have an email or address list, to send a little note out telling the members how much you've enjoyed being a part of the group over the past 6 years, how many good memories and friendships you've made, and you want to say good bye and good luck, didn't get a chance at the meeting, blah, blah, blah. It would leave them with a good memory of you (you'll probably get back some mail too) and (this is the devil in me) show how classless it was for someone not to mention your leaving in the meeting to begin with.

Opie ofMaybery2

"I would just have liked to have been recognized so I didn't feel like I had been wasting my time there for the past 6 years."

How could one person make you feel that way?

er em, that person is you. You put six good years in helping out, you should feel good about that in itself.

jmmom

What a great post, jasmom. I hope the OP comes back to read it.

doubleplay

I wanted to add- it is possible that it was an accident. You'd know better than the rest of us.

Just a little anecdote about my own experience not getting thanked...
I was an accompanist for a music director that obviously did not like me. I'd been there longer, and would "sub" for him, and did a lot of one on one work with the musicians, and I really think he felt threatened. Anyway, at the end of year concert, which I was on stage accompanying the entire time, he did not mention me in the program with the other musicians. Instead, he put my name next to the janitorial staff on the back page in the "acknowledgements" box!!
It was so obviously a slight that I had to LAUGH about it. What a weirdo.

mkm56

As citygirlsmom posted, I think you are just over-expecting. I served on PTA from elementary through high school, on the board, on several committees, put together a group to raise money for a new gym (was successful), fed sports teams, was on board to spearhead a drug/alcohol awareness program for community and on and on. When my last graduated, nothing was said to me or anyone else who also had served for years.

I just look as it as we did what was important to us, to our children and to our communities. As the OP said, we didn't get involved for the recognition--so don't be disappointed when you don't receive it. Actually, we will be missed very little, as we move on with our lives, other new warm bodies step up to the plate....such is life.

HImom

One of the most amazing & dedicated folks I've ever met is the scout leader who guided my S & so many other boys through scouting. He was their cub leader & later the boy scout leader. He was always there for years and years, giving selflessly of himself. He did get some limited recognition sometimes for the countless folks he's helped--scouts, band programs, Lions, community. He's always there and does so much.
Another friend got literally hundreds of thousands of dollars in grant money & helped reform the school that her kids attended. She poured her heart & soul into the school as a volunteer. She only got a recognition dinner because a parent took it upon herself to do something to acknowledge the tremendous job she did for the school--administration (new principal) refused to do anything and didn't want to acknowledge her at all.
I do what I can and know that I may never get any thanks but do what I believe is right and good. That's the way I want my kids to act as well and that's the only way we'll have the community & society we want and deserve. Right now, I'm in the midst of a growing volunteer project which is the most ambitous I've ever undertaken and expect I'll probably get a lot more grief than thanks for it. It really NEEDS to be done and there is no funding so it won't happen unless I (or someone else that has not stepped forward) does it. It is taking all my skills and I find it rewarding knowing I'm doing what I see as trying to address a huge, unmet need.

mathmom

I've been in charge of lots of PTA things and have always tried to thank everyone, but sometimes I slipped. Rest assured I am sure you are appreciated by those who benefited from your work.