Do you google your S or D?

sillyme · 10-12-2007, 09:13 AM

I'm a regular CC member and I'm hiding under an assumed CC name. I'm so embarrased and don't know what to do. I googled my S yesterday. When he was in high school I'd google him from time to time to see what photos there were of him participating in EC's. Now that he's away, I've googled a few times to see the old photos and look for any new ones from his college activities. Yesterday I googled and found a young women had posted on a social networking site a picture of her "love" - my son & his full name..and when I scanned the webpage I found a conversation between the two. Seems my S is in love. Its very sweet - but I really feel bad that I peered into his life this way. & I am concerned that his full name and photo are on her page along with an intimate conversation between the two of them(nothing too inappropriate, but it still feels like a conversation that would be better off in private or at least anonymously).
It also reveals things about my son that he's never shown to me, like art work he's done. (Never has he shown me any art work and I had no idea he could draw - he has never shown any interest in art & I didn't think he'd picked up a pencil to draw since he was in the 2nd grade).
I think I need to just tuck the knowledge away and wait until he comes to me (or not). And maybe somewhere along the way have a conversation about being careful what and where you post on the internet. I'm still blushing from what I read in the conversation and for the first time I'm glad I don't have to face my son until he comes home for Thanksgiving (if he comes home and doesn't to go his girlfriends home...)

mommusic · 10-12-2007, 09:24 AM

I am surprised the info was available to the public by googling. I know my kids are on Facebook, but I cannot access their pages.

Christcorp · 10-12-2007, 09:40 AM

Sites like "Myspace" are very popular to kids. Even college students. They are totally open to the public. Those using the site however have the capability of making their sites private and only available to those they designate.

Not for any checking up or anything, but if you are concerned that his site is available to the general public, you might just mention to him that you were hoping to find his name on the internet because you missed him, and you found the site. Let him know that you assumed it was "Public" because anyone in the world can look at it. I wouldn't mention any of the details of the site at all. That would appear as though you are somehow judging him. I would just mention that if he minds some things being public, he might want to make his site private.

If the site isn't his, and he's just mentioned on it to include the chatting, then there isn't anything that can be done about that. But if he knows that you know how to access it, he may realize that it is probably accessible to a lot more people. Some he may prefer not have access to it. Again, let him know how accessible it it, but don't mention any details you saw on there.

chocoholic · 10-12-2007, 09:47 AM

Sillyme, I sent you a PM. Check your inbox.

cartera45 · 10-12-2007, 09:55 AM

I am surprised it was that easy to find and it would concern me because Googling is more like picking up a newspaper than spying, IMO. I am a headhunter and I Google pretty much every candidate I get because I want to know what my clients will know before they know it. Your S probably has no idea that stuff is so easy to find and he may well be very embarrassed by it. If you're not comfortable telling him, I would try to figure out a way for him to figure it out. Send something like this to him.

http://www.net-temps.com/adcgi/banne...63&id=crs_2363

soozievt · 10-12-2007, 10:05 AM

Yes, I do google my kids and there are many hits and they are on many sites. However, none are ones of their own creation. None are private type things you are mentioning. My kids don't have MySpace sites. They are on facebook like everyone in college but Facebook doesn't come up on google. Was your son's thing a MySpace or some blog type thing? Those who have that sort of thing have to realize that anyone can access it. One thing I liked about Facebook was that it used to be just a college communication community, but not the entire internet. It still is not the entire internet but apparently is open to those not in college now but there are various privacy settings. Those who choose to do blogs or MySpace type things need to realize it is open to all. The stuff I find with my kids online are not private in nature. They are in various news articles on sites related to their activities (ie., one of my kids is a performer and so many things she has been in have sites and things like that). Neither of my kids has her own webpage. Neither have MySpace or blogs or those sorts of things. But I do google them as I like to see what's out there. In fact, I recently found an article one of my kids was in that I didn't know about had I not googled her. I don't even know if she knew it existed and so it was a chance to send it to her.

SillyMe....your son may know that his site is out there for all to see. You could say nothing. If you want, you can mention to him that you were googling him to see what's out there and came upon it and wanted to make sure he knew that the site comes up on google in case he doesn't want to keep that online (but maybe he does and if he does, that's his choice). Personally, I think that sort of thing is better in private.

curmudgeon · 10-12-2007, 10:13 AM

I'm with cartera and christcorp (edit: and now Susan). I'd find some non-stalker way of telling him what I found and suggest strongly to him that he protect himself. My relationship with my D would allow me to just say it , but then again she thinks I'm a lunatic and that always helps in times like these. Prior insanity sets up this conversation quite nicely - "Hey, kid. I was googling your name to see what the world was saying about you and I found this personal crap. You better watch yourself. There are wierdos in your woods. Still no rumors about you from the Nobel folks. Oh well. Maybe next time."

But let's remember it was me who coined the phrase during her sports/high school career "If it ain't vicarious, it ain't really living."

Some folks might object.

dmd77 · 10-12-2007, 10:22 AM

I google my kids all the time. And myself, and my husband, brother, and sisters. And my friends. And I send them a note about what I find. As in "wow, that land conservancy stuff you're doing is cool."

It's good for ALL of us to think about what shows up on google. (In my case, the first thing that shows up is my 1984 wedding to my husband, as printed in the New York Times.)

And if you think a prospective employer won't google you or your kids... think again. If you're wondering how to tell your kid you googled them... tell them you read it here!

Northstarmom · 10-12-2007, 10:33 AM

As a result of reading a parent's post here on CC about using Googles for their family, I have Google alerts for my husband, kids, myself, S's college, and a couple of topics that deeply interest me.

I don't consider this stalking. In fact, these alerts let me know that a local TV station had posted a video about an activity that S had organized. We both were there for the taping, but neither of us remembered to turn on the TV report when it was aired. The video highlighted S, and at my suggestion, he sent a link to a scholarship program that he'd applied for. He got the scholarship, and I think the link may have helped.

I'm class secretary for my alma mater, and I routinely Google classmates to get info for the quarterly report that I do for the alum magazine.

MotherOfTwo · 10-12-2007, 10:47 AM

I know that Xanga was very popular with my son's classmates (he graduated in 2006) while they were in college. I have glanced at Xanga pages of some kids I know, and many have not posted in a long time, but the old sites are still there. I noticed that quite a few people who have graduated have deleted all of the postings off of their old Xanga sites - they probably realized that they did not want all of their college antics described in detail for the whole world to see now that they are applying for and working at real jobs.

chocoholic · 10-12-2007, 10:50 AM

If someone has a weblog and mentions you in it, or if you comment on someone's weblog, you will show up in a google search.

I think we should all google those dear to us, just to remind /warn them about the potential dangers of having very personal information out there.

soozievt · 10-12-2007, 11:13 AM

I was just reading the news and came upon an article that is appropo.....amazing what some kids put on facebook......this time it led (rightfully) to an arrest...but how dumb can you be to post on facebook about a crime you committed????:

http://www.theindychannel.com/news/14324361/detail.html

binx · 10-12-2007, 11:28 AM

I Google a lot. I'm good at it, so sometimes one of my kids or other family members will tap into my Google skills for help with something they are working on. My kids are performers, so sometimes I get new hits. But mainly, I'm into genealogy, and Google often for info. Since my kids have names that are common enough within the family, it is not unusual for them to show up when I'm doing research. My H and S share a name with a famous person, so I have to get pretty specific on my search terms to get past the sports guy.

Northstarmom · 10-12-2007, 11:33 AM

Amazing what's in the news story soozievt posted a link to:
"MUNCIE, Ind. -- Police said five women, four of them Ball State University students, brutally attacked another woman and then bragged on the Internet about what they had done....

Investigators said they attacked a 20-year-old Ivy Tech student, who told police she was grabbed by the throat, pushed to the ground and kicked all over her body, shattering her elbow.

"We do have information about them boasting, laughing about it," said Muncie police Detective Jami Brown. ...

Police said some of the women bragged about the beating on social networking site Facebook, referring to the entire incident as a joke.

"That's how we got the girl to identify the attackers was by using Facebook," Brown said...."

WashDad · 10-12-2007, 11:36 AM

You're lucky, binx. The first time I googled my name (it might have actually been Altavista in the BGTO era) I discovered that I share my name with a gay porn star. I clicked on the link, a page of gay porn appeared and a coworker walked up to my desk at that very moment. I don't search my own name any more.

I don't search my children either. Our last name is fairly common, and their first names are very common. My father "Hugh" and my mother "Edna" taught me the value of strong, simple names.