LIMOMOF2

I'm sorry your D isn't going to her prom, NMinn. I know it was important to you. I'm glad she seems ok with it, even if you are disappointed.

I believe that it's probably true about the boys being intimidated by your D. Often, that is the case when you have a girl who seems to have it all together - especially if she is considered "hot." After listening to what some teenage boys consider hot, I think often "cute" girls are also put in that category.

I think it would have been cute if she had done a story on looking for a prom date (not necessarily for herself, of course - just a general story). It's actually a good idea.

mythmom

We're so lucky in our town in that everyone goes to the prom and they all pitch in and find each other dates, siblings, cousins, distant friends, everyone is drafted.

It's lovely, actually.

And several go alone. At D's a group of three girls went together, and one guy just walked up alone.

They're all announced, ala red carpet, as they get out of their transports, and the girls' attire is described, and the entire town comes to cheer. It's really dear.

Neither of my kids had "dates", just people drafted into going with them. I wish they had gone with someone else of their grade because I ended up having to buy all the prom tickets, LOL, and it was expensive.

I wish all of your kids could be in that situation.

And yes, I am sure they boys are intimidated, but that will pass. It is a shame about the prom. Here girls ask boys. They sometimes have to!

Singersmom07

Around here the groups look out for everyone - so band kids make sure all are covered who want to go, chorus, yearbook, etc. Of course it is the girls that do most of the arrangements. Underclass are drafted if part of the group. It really is kind of cute as everyone gets "matched up" for the pictures and then the pairings are ignored for the rest of the evening. If they want, there are singles in the groups too. The groups that go are so large that you can hardly tell if everyone is paired.

I too wish everyone could be in that situation so they could go if they wanted to.

lindz126

down here kids all go as big group--about 30 kids in a limo/bus?, started at one girls home then on to the prom then all off to post prom party. only handful had true dates--so wasnt' the norm to be paired off. nminn--your daughter sounds very confident I would be pleased she recognizes that the boys are intimidated...she'll do great in college and beyond with that positive attitude...

lindz126

oh runnersmom at the senior dinner they did a photo montage where each student's baby picture morphed into their senior picture--too cute and talk about tugging at heartstrings--and seeing the past...

when I went to high school in NY hardly any of us went to the prom--we thought we were too cool--refusing to participate was kind of the anti establishment thing to do--mythmom did you go to your prom? others?

acme

It's lovely to hear about all of these group prom events. At my S's school they still do dates but some kids only go to the after-party where they can win prizes, sometimes lots of $$, the later they stay.

Our kids' elementary school does the video montage where the baby pic morphs into their 5th grade yearbook photo. Get the hankies, the waterworks are everywhere. If they did it for high school I'd be a basket case.

Northminnesota, I read a great essay once about a girl who was shunned in high school and how, after becoming this cool tv veejay, went back to her hometown and encountered the prom queen working at the makeup counter of the local department store. The essay was called "popularity peaks." I'm sure your daughter is sad not to go to the prom but that is one night of her life and she will have many successful and happy years if she has all of those wonderful qualities while some of those other kids who go to prom have just this one night as their "best moment."
I hope she/you have something great planned for the evening? Someone else to hang out with?

owlice

NorthMinnesota said her daughter was okay with it. Can we give the girl some credit and ownership of her own feelings, please, and not assume she sees this as a great tragedy, or even a small unhappiness?! It sounds like she's okay; she even said so! It's disrespectful to assume otherwise.

Some girls really are okay with not going to their proms. I think if a girl says she's okay with not going, it's a good idea not to second-guess (or try to invalidate) her feelings about it and assume she's sad about it.

bethievt

Yeah, I actively didn't want to go to prom--my Mom said I grew out of Sixteen magazine before I was twelve. However acme is right that it's kind of fun to be the kid who blossoms in a big way a bit later in life.

acme

NorthMinnesota, I obviously don't know your daughter and how she feels-- I probably was over-reading the situation. She's her own person, that's all I meant to say. Just trying to throw some support your way. But there are a lot of kids posting prom stuff on the HS thread so clearly it presents some big issues.

mythmom

I ran away from home and never had a senior year! But I wouldn't have gone. My BF was a year older and then went to see Hair instead of going to the prom. I wasn't invited because he'd promised a friend who was a girl.

But my kids prom is a very community organized thing. The community puts wood and scaffolding up to create a false themed front for the high school. It takes so many parents working from Dec to June to do all the work. All the kids go and the entire community comes to view the very elaborate themed bash.

cottonwood513

Now that would be a prom worth going to!

I did not go to mine, not interested. Boyfriend and I went to see "Hair"
instead.

What's interesting was how over-the-top my mother's initial reaction was,
she said "Well, if you don't go to prom...you're not going anywhere else that
night either!" It cracked me up...

cottonwood513

NM, ouch...people jealous of you and they don't realize you have the

intimidation issue to deal with, lonely at the top.

owlice

cottonwood, even if boys are intimidated by NorthMinnesota's daughter -- and I think that's perfectly possible, given how easily teenagers (and some adults!) are intimidated by the opposite sex -- that doesn't mean her daughter is sad about not going to the prom, and it doesn't mean she needs sympathy because she's not going to the prom. It also doesn't mean people are jealous of NorthMinnesota.

Here's a true story for you: J, whom I've known since high school, said he asked L, another friend of mine in high school, to the prom because he "wanted to have fun." It wasn't because he liked her in any special way, but because he thought she'd "put out," as we said back then. He didn't tell me this back then (he's a year younger than I, and I was off doing the college thing when his prom came around), but in a conversation with others in adulthood (as in, after he, and the rest of us, were well in our forties).

It made me feel bad for L, with whom I lost touch shortly after high school, because she may have thought -- hoped -- that J, who was popular in high school, really liked her. After all, the prom is pretty special, right? That's what all the adults around high schoolers say, anyway, and OMG, to not go to the prom..... WHAT a TRAGEDY!!!!!

Yeah, my mom was disappointed that I didn't go to mine. I didn't want to go with just anyone, just to go to the prom; it wasn't that important to me. *I* was okay with it; I thought it silly that my mother thought I just had to be upset about it. I wasn't! It really was okay!

I can well understand a parent's disappointment when a kid doesn't go to the prom; most of us don't often get to see our teenagers all decked out in fancy clothes and looking just so lovely or handsome. So I understand NM's disappointment, but if her daughter really is okay with it, the one who deserves the sympathy here is NM, for not having the moment she wanted. Acknowledge her (stated) disappointment, but don't assume her D feels it, too. D has said she's okay; good for her!

LIMOMOF2

Owlice, that's pretty much what I said in my post earlier.

I didn't go to my prom either. I can't go into the first reason because it is too specific, but the other reason is that my BF at the time was in college and was going to be working out of town at that point. A guy who I was friends with asked me to go with him, and I agreed, but then quickly backed out because one of my best friends had liked this guy since freshman year and I didn't want her to feel bad that I was going with him instead of her going with him, especially as I knew she was going without a date. Going to the prom was just not that big a deal to me - I could have gone with a date or with a group of girls - I just chose not to. Do I regret it? Not really, except that I think my D feels sorry for me..........lol. She even told her BF that I missed my prom! I neglected to tell her that although I hadn't gone to my own prom, I had gone to another guy friend's prom, mainly because I forgot everything about it - including the name of my date..........lol.

momof3sons

mythmom,
I love the description of what your town does for Prom. How inclusive in the best possible way.