wedgedrive

It is quite a process isn't it? More like an ordeal. I wish everyone well.

singermom1

D (daughter) notified yesterday: Iowa State full tuition scholarship ($65K). Stats update: SAT 2040 (710V/600M/730W)

Friend spent a few thousand dollars on personal tutor and he got a 2360 SAT . . .. worth it for him!

Vassar college ED 2 lots of money cant wait.

Explicit. Exciting. Revealing. Grades, acceptances, rejections, financial aid offers, scores on the ACT and the SAT (the latter reported in three numbers, like the measurements of a very strange Playboy centerfold)—all at www.collegeconfidential.com. It's a virtual peep show for a goggle-eyed parent of a high school junior. A parent like me.

The site is home to an online discussion forum where parents and students speak and vent freely—to the tune of more than 5 million postings since its founding in 2001. And with final admissions notifications on the way in coming weeks, the place is hopping.

Frank, graphic and deeply addictive, it feels like a cross between college admissions, porn and heroin. Check it out at your own risk. I just went to the site to check one of the above comments; two hours later, I pulled myself away, embarrassed.

How can I resist no-holds-barred chats on hot topics like these?

Appealing FA (financial aid) packages . . . how exactly?

Can you pay tuition via credit card?

What I've learned about full-ride scholarships

ACT before SAT— advantage?

What time zone do colleges/common applications use for their submission deadlines?

I am ashamed of myself. What's become of me? Why can't I stay away? And does my daughter need more extracurriculars?

It began innocently. I started with the soft stuff, college Web sites. I clicked around, arranged a few college visits, took a few virtual tours. Everything was under control.

Then a friend sent me a link to College Confidential.

She might as well have sent crack.

I was hooked. I trolled through postings, exploring the minutiae of SAT statistical tranches and learning the CC lingo (SLACs are small liberal arts colleges, HYPS means Harvard/Yale/Princeton/Stanford).
Oh, the strange ways of my new subculture, where they debate whether you could keep schools from knowing your child's top choice by the order in which you name schools where you want the College Board to send SAT scores. Or whether schools reject overqualified students they suspect are using them as safeties in case they don't get in at HYPS.

And to think I once thought your kid just sent in applications. What an innocent I was, metaphorically outfitted in a demure dirndl skirt while everyone else was at Victoria's Secret.

But once initiated into this world, I wallowed in it. In fact, I wanted to see even more explicit stuff. Like parents' financial statements—income and assets—along with their children's financial aid packages. Is that sick?




College Confidential is often sensible and sweet. I now have a circle of online friends who are there for me any time, any day. Parents counsel and help one another, on one forum volunteering to serve as emergency contacts for other parents' children attending far-away schools.

Students, too, rise to impressive kindness. When a high school student confesses to feeling pain at a father's decision not to accompany her to college orientation, another kid weighed in with wisdom:

"Your dad is probably more sad than you realize," wrote HisGraceFillsMe. "You're his last baby girl (I'm in the same spot), and maybe he thinks going with you would be too painful for him. Sit down and have a talk with him."

You find yourself following stories like soap operas—the kid whose parents spent all the college funds on his older sibling; the heartbreaking post beginning, "Girlfriend is pregnant and I feel my life is ruined" and the advice given.

Let's see you step away from the computer, pal.

I can't say I wasn't warned.

If you stay more than a few days on CC, you may be in for life, wrote Bethievt in one forum.

Reached by telephone, Bethievt turned out to be Beth Greenfield of Vermont, a psychologist who developed a severe College Confidential jones when her son was applying to schools last year.

"You click on it and the blue screen comes up and it feels good," she said. "It's practically a physical addiction. If it's unavailable, I get sort of twitchy."

College Confidential has become an online community of friends who have given her insider information, reassurance and excellent recipes for using onion and pepper relish. They have also kept her from annoying people in the real world who may not care about the importance of visiting colleges early in the process.

"Friends can get kind of sick of talking about it. But the people on College Confidential are never sick of talking about anything," she said.

Why the obsession?

Because applying to colleges is stressful, said Roger Dooley, managing director of College Confidential.

"It's sort of a high-stakes process," he said. "You really only get one shot at it. At the same time, there's certainly a perception that the school you end up attending is going to have a profound impact on the rest of your life."

Click carefully, people. You may find reassurance in this online tribe, but after a few hours of How many SAT II's is too many? and Pay now and borrow later? I get a little twitchy myself.

But stop looking at College Confidential? I can't do it. It speaks to my deepest desires and my secret fantasy:

An acceptance letter from my daughter's first-choice school offering a full ride.

Barbara Brotman is a Tribune staff reporter.

bbrotman@tribune.com

anxiousmom

What a great article! And our own Bethievt and Hisgracefillsme quoted!!!! CC is going to be even more hopping with all this publicity.

soproudofkids

OK, so noone in all 5 pages of this thread has mentioned the new stress in our house, which is: acceptances to a several schools that all seem like wonderful places and actually having to figure out how the heck to choose one, with FA packages that leave us paying about the same to go to each one.

Yeah yeah, I know, there's way worse stress. But I thought this would be the easy part.

Georgiatwins

Thank heavens I found this thread-it is almost like a virtual "sleepover" as my D would say. S and D now have 5 acceptances in hand with various scholarship amounts in hand, but the "reaches" and now all the anxiety shift to those: Vandy, Pepperdine, plus 2 ivies for D. What is so ironic is two of the schools they heard from this week have been on their main list for a long time. The letters arrived and there was a non-plused reaction-ARGH!

It is stressful waiting to see scholarship/FA packgages-agree with so many of the posters here-go to bed thinking about it and wake up doing the same. Our kids had no interest in any of the Georgia schools "in state". The angst of all of the "last" times and the dread of knowing they will be leaving home in the fall makes me truly glad I found this thread.

jazzzmomm

I have two dialogs running: one in my head, and one that comes out with my son. For example, he is a musician waiting to hear from conservatories, and on Saturdays he goes to an all-day music program. When I pick him up at 5 at the train station, inside my head I am saying, "so, have any of the other students heard from any schools?" They are all applying to the same schools, all very accomplished musicians. But, coming out of my mouth is just, "hi, honey, how was your day?"

When I see him in the afternoons after school, my inner voice is saying: "did you check your email today? Did anyone else get any 'likely' emails?" But, my outer voice just says: "hey, what's going on in school today? What's your plan this afternoon?"

I think about all the ways I could ratchet up his anxiety level, and try to congratulate myself for not going there (!)

jude_36

Consolation, I saw 31 colleges applied to by one poster. I thought that was excessive.

And I just wanted to chime in on the wait-and-see and financial aid bits. I think this week we'll get the rest of the responses, and then we'll have to take a hard look at finances. Next year we'll have three in college... I really am a bit panicked about the money, and I think a lot of her decision is going to be based on the aid package.

rodney

"I think about all the ways I could ratchet up his anxiety level, and try to congratulate myself for not going there (!)"

I actually count to 10 every day when my d walks in the front door so I don't ratchet up the anxiety level; her peers are good enough at doing that without me making it worse.....

SSD

I'm glad I'm not the only one obsessed. My S has been accepted to 5 out of 9. 3 in his first choice major so far. Only 1 week to go and I can't stop thinking about it. My S does not even log in to look himself. I have to read his email and login to college sites. My S and H do not want to hear anything other than the decision. S is on a school trip out of the country. This is one of the slowest moments of my life. I can't seem to focus on anything else. Is there are name for this disorder?

rodney

Not sure if there is a name, but my h and I discussed this last night....We are both what you would call "planners"....we do not wait until the last minute for any major decision we have made in the last 25 years (and especially one that costs oodles of money).....we would have had our daughter apply ED (she would not hear of it) and then our planning genes would (possibly) have been satisfied....the extreme uncertainty that comes with this process is really unnerving to our personalities....My d on the other hand could care less......

soproud: You, like us, will have some difficult decisions to make and given that your packages are very similar to each other, you may have to go with the "gut" feel from your kid.....our d had already crossed off some on her list based on that (even before acceptances came in.....so that it wouldn't influence her decision to attend)...we had no idea she did this until 3 weeks ago....(Have you had this conversation yet? You may be as surprised as we were....)

expatme

This thread is one of the main reasons I find cc so addictive!
I echo in my head all the anxiety that is listed hear, and try and maintain outer equilibriium. My S has been accepted to his 3 safeties ( one of which he would happily go to, but of course they offered NO money); rejected from one reach and waiting on his first choice plus a couple of others....along with that he will be way too far to visit (across a continent, a sea and an ocean), and he himself plays the "last card", "Just think mom next year you won't be able to do this for me...." and we smile... I wonder sometimes how I will survive..I am sure he will be fine!

knitmom

No post on Sundays! *sigh*

Consolation

Well, knitmom, imagine this: we are having to have our mail held at the post office because our mailbox fell apart when hit by a plow and there's still a huge snow bank there.

So every day I have to physically GO to the post office! It means that I do nothing but drink coffee, fret, and read CC until 9:30 or 10 AM. Then, when there isn't anything in the mail, I have to go buy myself a Cherry Garcia pop as a consolation. My business, which I should be attending to, is totally stagnating. I don't know what the name of this syndrome is, but many of us definitely share it!

knitmom

How about:
PHORWARD
Pulling Hair Out by Roots While Awaiting Regular Decision???

We've been there with the mailbox thing, Consolation, both due to plows and to kids with baseball bats and time on their hands, but I can't imagine having that particular frustration added to everything else right now--yikes!

And BTW, if you tire of Cherry Garcia, Edy's Loaded Cookie Dough also works on the symptoms, I've found . . .

mamafish

.....She leaves on a choir trip March 28, returns April 7....I am hoping that she finds an internet cafe and has supportive friend by her side at whatever time in Athens corresponds to evening on March 31! She's already in at 2 she'd be very happy to attend, but her dream reaches are still out there....

I'm NOT checking her emails or websites, and h & I are out of town then as well, so the mailbox won't do it for us....

Man, I hope I am not the last one standing in this vigil!!