2blue

DadII, I know that feeling too. Just this morning, I was thinking how my job as proofreader-in-chief, assistant college researcher, and head of financial aid forms is drawing to an end. I think it is why there are so many parents posting whose kids are already in college! And it is nice to take some of the knowledge learned along the way and share it with other students. But, yeah, I said to myself, time to focus on some of my work and my interests. Soon we will be entering a whole new phase of parenting as our kids go off to school this fall. It's exciting, it's good, but I know there will be days when I'm going to miss my son so much.

gladmom

Dad II: My sympathy on having your “empty feeling” so soon. Has your D decided where to go? Some families are deep in the decision making process. Fortunately, we are done with that. I expect that my “empty feeling” won’t come until after my S is actually in school and my husband and I are alone in the house. That will take some adjusting.

I think that I am actually feeling joy as the application process finishes up. Imagine, joy, after all of this hoping, wondering and waiting.

lindz126

owlice I echo your observation about crafting the list --I was overwhelmed by my son's choice to apply to 12 schools--and much work with fin aid -- but he had common sense and maturity about the process--selected 3 safeties, 3 reachs and 6 matches--he was wtlisted and rejected at the reaches (ivies) and he "knew" all along saying--I'm not getting in there--too competitive. He was awarded scholarships at 4 of the matches and a full ride to one of several he loved -- wash and lee-- I shared the little song he sang previously about not getting into ivies--"tried to get into the ivies but they said no, no, no" sung to the amy winehouse song--rehab--we need to help our kids be excited about what they have offered to them--rather than what they don't--there will always be others with more, better circumstances, etc. but many more with less. and it is complex time--letting go of our children to the next phase of their lives is our challenge--that desire to make every moment count with them before they go--I'm planning to create something to mark this time--photo collage, quilt--idk--while it is an ending of their time at home as "children" it is their beginning--that is joyful

2forcollege

Thank you calmom, I couldn't sleep last night seeing my daughter so stressed out. One day it's Michigan, the next it's Skidmore. Both are great schools, each very different from the other, but both had the some of the most important qualities she was looking for. She would have a very different college experience at them. But you are probably right that I need to just sit back and not make her revisit the schools if she doesn't want to. Hopefully, things will become more clear for her by May 1st or some miracle happens and she gets off her WL (can't count on that or even factor it into the equation).

Dad II, I'll trade you some empty feeling for some stress! Just enjoy seeing your daughter so happy and look forward to visiting her at school and when she comes back for visits. That's how I feel for my older daughter, who is so happy at her school. In many ways, I feel much closer to her now and am so amazed by what she's learning. It's so great when they're excited about a paper they wrote and let you read it. Not that I understand a word of it! Philosophy major!!!

LIMOMOF2

Owlice - I agree with you about the importance of carefully crafting the list of colleges. D has started making her list because one of her teachers asked the kids to list their 5 top choices. Naturally, D's choices included no safeties, two high matches and three reaches. That is something she will have to work on this coming year. We'll really have to wait and see how those tests all turn out before she makes her final list.

By the way, if I told my D to expect at least three rejections, she would say, "Why are you being so negative?" I will have to keep my mouth shut.......lol. Luckily, she has seen what's happened to the kids this year - while most kids got into at least one of their top choices, only a handful got into their first choice school. So many well-qualified kids got waitlisted and rejected - and especially the one girl I mentioned in my earlier post. I think D will listen when I tell her she has to apply more strategically, both to get accepted and to get good financial aid.

owlice

LIMOMOF2, I'll probably be showing S some of the numbers I've seen here on admit rates, so I hope he will not see rejections as so negative, but rather, just a function of doing business. Maybe I'm dreaming...!

Now on to food: lunch today is make-your-own sandwiches, and the speciality bread is a modified Cornell bread (yes, there is such a thing as Cornell bread! ), freshly-baked, of course. I use garbanzo bean flour instead of soy flour, as I don't like the taste or smell of soy flour, and I add unprocessed bran, so those of you who've been eating tooooo much cheese lately, help is on the way!

(Wow, how crude of me. Pardon!)

We also have rye, pumpernickel, whole wheat, croissants, and petit baguettes in the bread basket.

Sandwich fillings: tuna salad, roast beast, turkey, chicken, grilled tofu, hummus, provolone, Gruyere, cheddar, and Havarti cheeses.

Sides: green salad, macaroni salad, grilled and fresh (raw) veggies, chips, and a variety of fruits.

Desserts: apple struedel, cherry pie, marble cheesecake, lemon cake, and Girl Scout cookies.

Oh, yes, ice cream is always available; this IS the Vigil Lounge, after all!

Plates are to the left; enjoy!

LIMOMOF2

Thanks for the lunch, owlice - I'm starving, and it sounds delicious!

My kids both think that if I tell them about all possible outcomes, I am being negative. I just think it's better to be prepared. At this point, I know I don't have to point out the possibility of rejection to my D - she's seen it for herself with her friends who applied to college this year.

Consolation

My S immediately narrowed his choices to 2, but my H is determined to force him to visit/revisit all 6 of his choices. Well, 5 of them, anyway, 4 of which he has not formally visited. This is driving me crazy! While I would encourage him to keep his options open, pressuring him to do this, wasting time and energy on it instead of applying for scholarships and finding a summer job, both of which he really, really needs, is just nuts IMHO. S also has 4 significant violin performances to practice for, 5 AP exams, all-state, and doG knows what else. ARGH.

kitkat82

My first thought is that maybe H wants one of the schools that was already eliminated...........maybe you and H need to have a little talk away from your S!!!

mootmom

Dad II, the feelings will probably range all over the map, centering on empty (or worse) when a beloved child finally goes off to the college of their choice. (As I said a couple years ago when my oldest left home, we spend 18 years helping prepare our child for this transition, yet we spend no time at all preparing ourselves.)

But this emptiness soon turns to joy when you hear how happy they are (and of course returns to sharp pain when you get the occasional weepy phonecalls or emails or IMs... which they usually forget about long before we parents do). And soon enough, for most of us, there is the reflected pride and excitement at our children's accomplishments as they learn more and varied things in new subjects, become so much more aware of the wider world and themselves and the others who share the life journey with them, and create something new and meaningful for themselves and the world.

Just last night, my older S sent me a link to a midterm project he completed for a class in the Architecture department that he switched into this year. My H and I looked at it with astonishment. OUR son created THAT??! We were proud and thrilled and just a little awed. (And his younger brother proclaimed it "genius". That's what adoring younger brothers are for, right? ) You will have similar experiences someday, feeling a sense of satisfaction and joy when you see what your children are doing and experience the persons they are becoming.

Best wishes to everyone on this journey.

acme

DadII-- that empty feeling comes from looking at the checkbook! lol

bethievt

Consolation

That would drive me nuts too! I, of course don't know your hubby, but this sounds inappropriately controlling to me. I agree with kitkat that it sounds like H wants S to make a different choice than the 2 he's narrowed down to. This should be your son's decision (as long as you can afford it). Or could it be financial? Are some of the "discards" a better financial deal?

mythmom

Consolation: What are the two you S is considering? My S is a violinist as well, and their lists were somewhat similar.

Maybe your S could visit the other four schools himself. Maybe he's not ready to say goodbye.

mountains

One of the colleges that rejected S sent him a brochure on their summer program for his intended major! Ya' think they need a little bit of sensitivity training??? Geesh.

bethievt

It's the son who is ready to say goodbye and the Dad who isn't though. Doesn't sound like son wants to visit those 4. Sometimes we as parents need to let go of a school we love. I had to do that and now I totally "Love the One He's With".

Dad II

There are tons of things you can get over-involved with still--planning for the move to college. I know because I've done it. I had a weird feeling after I'd sent all my son's acceptance letters to the recycling bin--like I should have saved them for something. Remember Meet the Fokkers where they do the shrine wall for their son? That would have been a great place for the acceptance letters.