somemom

What if your D graduates from HS at 15-16-17? Then what are the rules? I was lucky my D still dated her HS guy friends and we did not have to face the issue of older guys with her out of HS

momof3sons

I would say no more than two years difference in high school, possibly only one year. And this coming from the mom of 3 sons. When oldest was a junior, he was dating someone who was a freshman, a very aggressive freshman, and I had to call the other mother and say, "Do you know what is going on here? Do you know what is going on in your house?" She permitted her daughter to keep the bedroom door closed when my S was there! The mother answered, "Oh, I know they are kissing. Gee, this is the first time I have heard of the mother of a boy being concerned!" Aaaarrrggghh! It was only a matter of time 'til that girl dumped my kid and moved on to the next one.

Novelisto

This is a tough issue for me now that my d is almost 15. You see, I met her dad one month after turning 18...I'd already graduated hs. He was almost 30, 11.5 years older than me. We've been happily together ever since and our marriage is still going strong. This puts me in the 'do as I say, not as I did' dilemma. I've explained that I wish I hadn't rushed into a permanent relationship, that I'd taken more time to have fun with the other guys who'd asked me out, that I'd spent more time growing as a person before settling down. But I'm really worried that she will follow the same path...just because it worked well for me doesn't mean I want her doing the same thing.

Keshira

No formula. Just what I would personally feel comfortable with.. a decade's difference feels like a whole new milestone. Usually I'd say no more than 3-4 years would be best, but since we're setting a limit... I don't believe there should be a strict limit for this kind of thing, so why not set it high? It really varies with every couple. For instance... Novelisto...

riverrunner

I asked the high schoolers on their thread. I told them we wouldn't interrupt their discussion, but that we're curious. Let's see if they respond. Kind of a sociology experiment.

Age difference for dating

Son of Opie

I would imagine the whole deal is case-specific...

justbreathe

I'm not a parent...I'm in college, but I definetly feel like this is completely case-specific.

I had a friend who dated a senior when she was a freshman in high school and it was fine. They were both band geeks and everyone knows that band geeks interdate. She was actually far less pressured by dating him though he was 18 when she was 14 compared to a 19 year old she dated when she was 17. He treated her best, actually, compared to the other boys she dated. She dated boys our age who were not quite as good.

On the other hand, I had a friend who was taken advantage of by a senior when she was a freshman in high school, and she was devastated.

I know of a girl whose boyfriend throughout high school graduated before her and went onto Harvard. They continued dating and she got into Harvard and they're still together, last I heard.

Other friends have broken up with their boyfriends that went off to college first.

It varies.

Alexandre

I think it is ok if there is a 20% difference in age. So a 16 year old can date a person 2-3 years older. I do not think children under the age of 15 should date.

rrah

We've never had hard and fast rules about an appropriate dating age or even an age difference. D asked me about it once. I just said it depends upon the circumstances. D is now 17. She didn't want to date really at 13 or 14. She did plan to meet a boy at a school dance a few times, but it was nothing serious.

From my personal experience as a teen, I can say that sometimes it's okay for a 16/17 year old to date a 20/21 year old and sometimes it's not. I experienced both circumstances. In my experience it depended upon the young man.

It would be interesting to reverse the question. Is it okay for an 18 year old girl to date a 15 year old boy? My D's friend will turn 18 soon. Her BF is 15. The young woman is immature in many ways. Her mother has told her that the dating ends when she turns 18.

huguenot

Probably the most unpopular post ever coming:

A lot of kids in our area read this book: Amazon.com: I Kissed Dating Goodbye: Joshua Harris: Books and have decided to let dating go until they've gotten school done. They have had an incredibly fun time in the high school years - lots of parties, groups of kids doing things together, doing projects together, etc. and with *no* drama. Heaven for a parent.

Seriously, I think their high school years have been a lot happier than mine, and I was a pretty popular, active teen.

cottonwood513

A hs senior girl could date a college first-year that her parents know.

A hs junior girl and first-year, then case by case.

A freshman girl and senior boy, no, in IMO.

In hs, one year Ok, two years? not for freshman.

Three years, your talking about freshman girls/senior boys, no.

Of course, the individuals make all the difference.

emeraldkity4

Probably the most unpopular post ever coming:

I think that is a good idea for many kids.

My girls, who are on the quieter side, but still in the " popular" group, by that I mean that they have friends in many groups of the school, didn't conventionally date in school.


They both did things in groups.
Really, I don't see how kids have time for a " relationship", what with homework, chores, after school job, ECs & sleep, let alone their same sex friends and down time. Something has to give.

cottonwood513

They don't. I'm for the group thing.

emeraldkity4

My oldest combined her ECs with her friends.
She attended a very small private school ( graduating class 18) she actually didn't have a best friend in that small group of girls, but her friends were with her EC volunteer job, so every week when she worked ( 2 or 3 days) she got to see her friends.
It is also nice to have a group of friends away from school.

My younger daughter has ECs at school, including sports, and her friends are in those groups, on weekends she is often home, just recuperating from her week, and doing homework, but she sees her friends at school and after school.
Dating would push something off her list- I know there are people who can handle it, but I admire these young women and men, who have made the conscious decision to get to know themselves, before they get romantically involved with someone else.
They are so different now than how I saw high school kids 30 years ago.
And I think we( the royal we) should take credit for that.
We don't push them to have a boyfriend or girlfriend, just to have one.
The physical stuff can really cloud your judgement, I know it clouded mine.

momofnewP

Huguenot My son has adhered to this no dating in high school guideline. And yes I think its great. He says it allows him to focus on school work and having friends and just enjoying. He has had 2 girlfriends though in the interim. One he met when he was 14 (she was 17 I think) while we were travelling and lived literally on the other side of the country. And one he met in summer school who also lives on the other side of the country. I don't know if he unconsciously arranges it so that the contact is limited. But I digress.

I think this is a great freedom for kids and I hope it catches on.