emeraldkity4

Maybe it skips a generation.

I was fairly wild in high school- I didn't go to prom, but I did go to the senior keg graduation party when I was a sophomore ( in the woods- one reason I moved to the city when I had kids)

However my daughters would never find themselves in the backseat of a car, they did things as a group in high school and I always knew where they were.
My oldest took a friend from grade school to prom and since the limo that they had called never showed up ( it was also opening day of boating season & I figure the company thought they could make more money elsewhere- something to be aware of when your kids are renting limos), I ended up at a small dinner party at her friends house and when they were done with their after prom events the mom went to pick them up.
My younger daughter is going with friends, they are getting their hair done together- eating at a friends, and going to another friends home after the dance. Which sounds good to me, cause the parents have been talking to each other to get the scoop and we are comfortable with it.

But then I just spoke to a friend whose daughter ( younger than mine) is going with two other couples and they are going to a hotel afterwards. She doesn't know the other kids or their parents, but she seems to be fine with the hotel room because that is what all the ( popular* unstated but implied) kids do.

She isn't even a senior but a junior- personally, I think my daughter would be responsible at a hotel, but she didn't even mention it. I think it is one thing not to be handholding them when they are in college, but my friends daughter still has another year of high school.

I sound awfully judgemental- but I really don't think it is good for kids to get to do things like that in high school. I would have loved to have had parental structure and involvement, I think most kids would, despite violent eyerolling.

I know some of you have hosted after grad/prom parties and I think that is great- I know others also have opted out of the whole prom thang and I think that is fine too. I hope that everyone stays safe, but I wish that parents weren't placated by thinking their kids were safe staying unsupervised in a hotel.

historymom

ek I am with you. My MIL has given me a scenario to play in my head when making parental decisions. "If you give in to your child's desire to _______ and it goes south and you are a) in court b) in front of the news cameras or c) at the hospital or morgue: how is your story, as the parent, going to sound? It has been my guiding principal.

"She wanted to and the popular kids were doing it." is ridiculous. I am no prude either but there is a difference between overprotection and common sense. My MIL's advice helps me figure it out.

fendrock

emeraldkity4, this is timely as I was considering starting a thread today entitled Prom Frenzy.

We live in a well-heeled suburb, so no one seems to bat an eye at the expenses, which have included:

• Tanning salon
• Dress (drove 45 minutes to the prom dress store)
• Ticket to prom
• Ticket to prom for date (d asked her date, so apparently we pay...)
• Limo
• Limo to prom for date
• Manicure
• Pedicure
• Hair do
• Shoes
• Clutch to match shoes
• Earrings to match dress
• Lunch at the food court after getting hungry and cranky shopping for three items listed directly above

I wouldn't mind it so much if she were starry eyed and sharing the excitement, but she has been snappish, preoccupied and just generally surly when asked about any of it.

So I know it's a rite of passage and all that, but I'm not sure I like what it brings out in a teen.

She will go to a friend's for an overnight, so I am not worried about the post prom.

As for the hotel room after -- clearly someone over 21 has to make arrangements for this, so the parents have no one to hold responsible but themselves.

jude_36

I'm with you. First of all, the EXPENSE of prom night has gotten totally out of control. I understand that the limo can be a safety issue, but still, some kids spend more for that one night than I spend on my summer vacation! What the heck do they need to stay in a hotel for? Here lots of kids have a bonfire and camp out.

Secondly, safety is always the first consideration. Last year when my daughter was a Junior, she wanted to go to a party after the prom. I told her she could go, but when she got there I wanted her to call me, and then I wanted her to hand the phone to the MOM who was going to be supervising, so I could talk to her too. I wanted 1) to know that my child had arrived safely, and 2) to know that the OTHER PARENT knew that my child was there. We'd already talked about drinking and rules and such, and I know the mother, so I was ok with all that.

The funny thing is, THIS year the same girl had an after-prom party and my daughter told me that *Jane* wanted to go, but Jane's mother wanted to talk to the host mother, and Jane was kind of embarrassed. My daughter told her 'don't worry about it, my Mom made me do the same thing last year and it was fine'.

I also took her date by the shoulders, looked him in the eye, and said 'don't do anything stupid, ok? Don't kill my baby. Do you understand me?' He looked very solemn, and a little annoyed, but he didn't drink, and neither one of them drank this year either, so I guess it was ok.

fendrock

I am the contact person for the limo, and they are very upfront about their rules, such as set itinerary, only those listed as passengers as passengers, back packs in the trunk, evening ends if any sign of drinking or drugs, etc

emeraldkity4

I think the limo companies are upfront about their rules, however...- I used to work at a hair salon in Bellevue and for our grand opening party ( we were adults, but...) the owners rented a limo and we drove around the lake and made a grand entrance ( I think that was the only time I have been in a limo)
We did lines and drank champagne the whole way.
( and the problem with the limo company for D and her date wasn't that they allowed drinking, but that they didn't even show up)

I do admit that although I used to do hair and makeup professionally, my D and her friends are getting theirs " done", but at a beauty school, not a salon- I just told D to allow enough time to wash it off if she doesn't like it.

cartera45

The schools in this area have planned after-parties and travel is arranged to that party. My D went with a friend to his prom last weekend and buses were used. The after party was at an upscale gym where the kids swam, played basketball, racquetball, etc. Security was tighter than the airport. Her prom's after party will be at Hard Rock Cafe - within walking distance of the prom venue and transportation has been arranged afterwards. It is all very structured. I know some kids opt out of these things so I guess I'm lucky that my D and her friends are fine with it. They are also not over-the-top with prom expenses either. She'll do her own hair, nails, etc. and, based on the girls she knows who go there, has decided that tanning salons kill brain cells.

BunsenBurner

I though it was a thread about that horrible movie...

D is going to 2 proms (don't ask!) and I'm praying she does not get invited to a 3rd one. She knows too many boys at too many different schools. The "technical aspects" planning is mind-boggling, especially since I'm trying to do it on the cheap. I do not recall doing anything so chichi for mine.

fendrock

ekity, I wish you were in the neighborhood and would do my daughter's hair and stuff.

I know exactly what you mean; it is easy to pay $$$ and get a result worse than if you'd left well enough alone.

bunsenburner, the above is for my d's junior prom -- apparently she has been set up as someone's blind date for senior prom -- fortunately we will not be expected to pay in this case, and she plans to borrow a dress.

jude_36

fendrock, I was once the contact for the limo with my oldest daughter, and the guy told us all the 'rules' too. I was very impressed. But then he showed up late and the limo was a little rundown, and the kids told us later that he drove sort of erratically and from other things that they said, and other adults said, I suspect he was having a diabetic issue. He was fine on the way home though.

That was my one and only time being 'the one in charge' of the limo, and I was mortified that the parents would think *I* had lied about all the stuff he told me, like contracts and the backpacks in the trunk and all.

fendrock

^^^yikes, hopefully we'll have better luck than that!

emeraldkity4

The schools that each of the ds have attended have very structured parties after graduation, but I don't know why the parent groups haven't arranged something after prom.
I chaperoned the grad party last year and it was fun ( but bring your own ipod unless you like hiphop/rap/bad pop) can't do that at your own childs graduation though

HisGraceFillsMe

I'm staying away from any post-prom parties.

In fact, we were all just talking about it today (Prom is this Saturday, wooo!), and we were all like, "I just want to go home and sleep." XD.

woody

D's school has organized a post-prom party at one of the community centers in town. Most kids don't want to go and parents have been asked not to have post-prom parties at their homes. Seems a bit draconian to me. If the kids just want to have pancakes and hangout - for a while, why not?
I went to pre-prom party for my son's prom a few years back. Good lord, it was better than most weddings I've been to.

rrah

D is a jr and will be going to prom on Saturday. The school hosts an after prom party onsite. Prom here is pretty laid back which I LOVE! Plenty of kids go with groups of friends, few use limos (although there is certainly an advantage to that for safety reasons). The actual prom is held at the school in the lovely atrium so tickets are not unreasonably priced. Most of the kids go out to dinner before. I think both hs's here have really attempted to make the prom financially possible for as many students as possible as there is a wide range of income levels in our town. We've told her that the group is welcome to come back to our house afterwards.