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05-09-2008, 07:01 AM
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#1 | | Member
Join Date: Jan 2007
Threads: 71
Posts: 883
| Protocol for offering assistance to the handicapped?
Since my mother-in-law has lived near us for over 2 years, and is confined to a motorized wheelchair, I have become much more aware of how the world appears differently to someone in a wheelchair...and how sometimes places really exaggerate/misused the term "handicapped accessible."
The other day at one of those hotel "continental breakfasts", I found myself in an awkward situation, which I didn't handle well. I truly felt bad, but wonder how I could have appeared less offensive to the gentleman involved.
There was a man who walked, with difficulty, with the assistance of forearm crutches. He was pouring himself a cup of coffee, adding cream, and getting a bagel. I certainly did not intend to be condescending, but I asked him if I could offer him any help. He was clearly offended and told me no, thank you, in a very annoyed way. If I had asked him more specifically, "Could I put your coffee at your table for you?" would that have been any better? Should I just keep my mouth shut in the future?
Yes, I realize that people live quite effectively with all kinds of different challenges; I did not "feel sorry" for him. My intention was to maybe prevent him from burning his hand on his way back to his seat. Yes, I KNOW he could do it by himself, but is it wrong to offer to help someone out? | 
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05-09-2008, 07:28 AM
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#2 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Apr 2006
Threads: 62
Posts: 2,459
| I don't think you did anything wrong. I think it is always good to offer if you think help may be needed. How people react is out of your control and you shouldn't let it make you feel bad or stop you from offering help another time. 9 times out of 10 they will probably appreciate the offer. | |
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05-09-2008, 07:38 AM
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#3 | | Member
Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Eastern PA
Threads: 35
Posts: 542
| I had a similar situation at a hotel continental breakfast last week. My husband and I were the only people there and a quite elderly gentleman came in after us. He walked very slowly and deliberately and was actually rather bent over. I was concerned that he may have difficulty carrying the coffee and such to the table. I wanted to jump up and offer him assistance but my husband ( who is less impulsive) suggested I wait to see if he has difficulty.
He managed to get everything to his table fine ( took a little while but that's no matter)and my husband told me that it may have been very important for him to be independent and my offer may have been insulting. I certainly didn't intend for it to be so I am glad I listened to my better half : )
It is a tricky situation, I agree. | |
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05-09-2008, 08:31 AM
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#4 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: CT
Threads: 44
Posts: 1,229
| I think it's perfectly fine to ask someone "Is there anything I can help you with?" It's polite, it's kind, and I don't think it's condescending. If they don't want/need help, it's also perfectly fine for them to simply say, "No, thank you." If they have a bigger reaction than that, you still did nothing wrong. | |
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05-09-2008, 09:00 AM
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#5 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Boston, MA
Threads: 3
Posts: 1,212
| I was told that is fine to ask "would you LIKE some help" and to never ask "do you NEED some help" ... which makes a lot of sense in how your kind offer may be received. | |
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05-09-2008, 09:21 AM
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#6 | | Junior Member
Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Near Boston MA
Threads: 21
Posts: 215
| I've got a recurring problem with my knee that sometimes means I use crutches or a cane. It can be hard to take a lot of unsolicited help. Everyone is trying to be helpful, but it can make you feel tired of explaining how actually, I can get the door.
So first bit of advice - wait to see if the person might really need some assistance. Given a moment, often the person can solve the problem. Perhaps differently or more slowly than you might have, but being able to do for oneself feels better for most people.
If you do want to offer, make it a general offer "Anything I can do to help?", and try to look friendly, not pitying. No fuss, please! In other words, the same way that you might say it to someone with his hands full, or a parent dealing with a fussy toddler. This lets the person set the agenda, leaving them in control, rather than you telling them what it is that you think they can't handle. It also leaves them free to say, "No thanks, all set".
And understand that sometimes being asked makes folks prickly. Sorry about that, but there's days when the frustration of not being able to do things, or pain, or even having been asked 10 times already, or a fine mix of all three, can make people get a bit hissy. I apologize, but there it is.
Don't stop trying though, I know you're well-intentioned! | |
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