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Senior prom - is your child NOT going?

oldtimeyfanoldtimeyfan Posts: 55Registered User New Member
edited June 2008 in Parent Cafe
My DS is a reasonably good looking kid who is shy. He has not had a girlfriend in his 4 years at HS and now the senior prom is three weeks away and he hasn't said that he's going. He has been rather uncommunicative about the whole thing, but I suspect that he asked someone and she turned him down. I don't know whether any of his friends are in the same boat - I've been avoiding the subject so I don't rub salt in any wound. But I feel very sad about it for him. I can't imagine that there isn't one girl in his class who hasn't been asked and who would love to go with him. Anyone out there in the same boat?
Post edited by oldtimeyfan on
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Replies to: Senior prom - is your child NOT going?

  • franglishfranglish Posts: 2,308Registered User Senior Member
    Kids at our school all went in one clump. It's never been a rule that kids had to have dates in order to go to the prom. It seems sort of odd these days for him to need to ask someone to go with him. Maybe he can go with a bunch of kids. He still could have a good time.
  • 'rentof2'rentof2 Posts: 4,327Registered User Senior Member
    Maybe it isn't a big deal to him. I didn't go to prom -- actually I think I wouldn't have been caught dead going to the prom, but I had the support of a community of close friends who felt the same.

    My son had planned to go, but then he and the girl he was going with had some kind of falling out and plans were canceled. Then he thought briefly about just going with his best bud -- kids do that here, just go with friends of either gender -- but they both came up with something they wanted to do instead that night.

    Prom isn't a big deal to everyone. For your son's sake, I wouldn't give it more attention than he brings to it himself... which might be none at all.
  • emeraldkity4emeraldkity4 Posts: 32,837Registered User Senior Member
    My daughter went with friends- although I had thought that most of her friends didn't have dates, I found when I was dropping her off, that the reverse was true.
    Now my D is gorgeous- and sweet although not so great on the small talk social skills- and she never talks about boys to me.
    I knew that there was probably 10 boys that had a crush on her, and if they were the kind who were shy about it, all the better. ( I had always gone out with the not shy type, who can be :p )

    But I didn't know what to say about the no date at that late stage, so I didnt say anything which was wise.
    She went and I think she had a good time, she was very happy when I picked her up the next day.
    It is hard to get info out of teens,
    if he wants to go, I think he should go as there will be girls there without dates and lots of opportunities to dance and maybe get to know someone better.
    But if he doesn't want to go, I don't think he should force himself.
  • ebeeeeeebeeeee Posts: 5,199Registered User Senior Member
    DS didn't go. I tried to convince him that lots of girls would like to have him take them just as friends. His rationale was that it was too much money to spend on a friend.
    I was a little sad that he didn't go but in the end, not my life, not my decision.
    A few years later I don't think he has given it a second thought. It's not the kind of thing you regret or even think about later in life.
  • gladmomgladmom Posts: 810Registered User Member
    My senior S didn't go. He went as a freshman when a senior girl asked him. He had an exhausting track meet that day in 90 degree heat, had to rush home, rush getting dressed and rush to meet the girl. At the dance he discovered that he just doesn't like the dance/party scene. Some kids enjoy it; my kid doesn't. Lots of kids at his school don't go with dates, but just go with groups of friends.
  • Muffy333Muffy333 Posts: 2,061Registered User Senior Member
    I didn't go to my prom and truly never think about it unless someone asks me who I went to the prom with or what my dress looked like. Don't bring the subject up unless your son does - it really is not a big deal.
  • jmmomjmmom Posts: 9,081Registered User Senior Member
    oldtimey, I was in that boat when S was a junior. Around here, some kids go stag to Prom (although the only ones I personally knew of were girls). Another mom in the same boat and I suggested to our sons (who were friends) that they could do the same thing. Nothing doing. S said "it's just too expensive" and claimed he really didn't care. I didn't believe him.

    Fast forward to Sr. year. He had a gf at that time (from a different hs). Still didn't go to Prom. It just really wasn't that important to him.

    We do not want to see our kids feeling left out and sad, and regretting missing a "milestone" event. In retrospect, though (my S is now a college junior), I think he truly didn't care, didn't miss it, doesn't regret it.

    Me? I'm pretty much over it myself ;).
  • Youdon'tsayYoudon'tsay Posts: 16,169Registered User Senior Member
    Things have changed since we were in HS, oldtimey. At ds's school, most kids don't go as real, meaningful dates. It's just a nice dress-up party. He's already making plans for how him and his group of friends -- mostly boys, some girls -- will be going to prom next year (he's a sophomore now).

    This past fall, he went all by himself to the Homecoming dance. I drove just him, and he walks up to the door all alone. I couldn't believe how brave that felt to me, because even if I had even considered going to a dance without a date, I sure wouldn't have without a posse of friends in tow. I half expected him to call me to come get him, but he stayed the whole time, sitting at a table of boys, next to a table of girls and everyone danced and had a great time.

    I wouldn't worry in the least that he doesn't have a date. Does he want to go without a date?
  • MidwestMom2Kids_MidwestMom2Kids_ Posts: 6,668Registered User Senior Member
    At my kids' HS, a lot of kids skip the prom itself but go to the After Prom activities between midnight and 4. Fun activities and great prizes.

    My daughter is going to prom but they are keeping it fairly simple. No limo, just four or six of them going to dinner, and relatively simple prom dresses that they can wear later.
  • oldtimeyfanoldtimeyfan Posts: 55Registered User New Member
    Thanks for the great replies! I don't think DS wants to go without a date - I think it would just cement his status as not having a girlfriend. I mentioned the suggestion of bunch of guys going with a bunch of girls to my husband to "forward" to my son (he discusses girl stuff with Dad) after I heard that DS and his friends were discussing who to take to the prom. If that became a plan, I haven't heard about it, and I think DS would have said something. If I thought DS didn't care about the prom, I wouldn't feel so sad, but I think he does. Anyway, our HS has a Post Prom party at the school that all kids, not just prom-goers, can attend that's supposed to be a lot of fun. Maybe DS will go to that.
    When I was in HS, a lot of girls would ask guys (cousins, brothers of friends, friends of the family) to go to the prom with them just so they could go to the prom. I asked a girl in DS's class recently if girls do that now and her response was "No way" - the guy has to ask the girl.
  • Youdon'tsayYoudon'tsay Posts: 16,169Registered User Senior Member
    I think the allure of doing all these events dateless is that it won't cost him anything extra. He's incredibly cheap, but comes by that honestly. Also, he's pretty shy, so asking out a girl isn't on his radar yet.

    Do all his friends have dates? Maybe you could host a party for the ones who don't and then they could arrive en masse to the afterparty.
  • TheAnalystTheAnalyst Posts: 2,814Registered User Senior Member
    The majority of kids we know do not have boyfriend/girlfriend relationships so going stag wouldn't highlight anything unusual. Nevertheless, in our area, they mostly seem to get dates for prom, but are non-romantic pairings based on the wider group of friends. The guy has to ask the girl, but a girl friend of any girl still dateless several weeks out will make it known to male friends of any boys who are still dateless (within the same social circle) that so and so still needs a date and who is X going with, etc. As a result, the guy isn't even taking a risk of getting rejected and would be considered a cad not to provide the requested escort.

    S2 managed to find a girl this year who gets a free prom ticket by virtue of some committee she is on so he only has to pay for dinner, corsage, and post prom. He considered that a "sweet" achievement.

    I second the idea of encouraging the OP's son to attend the post-prom party regardless. I think they are well attended by people who skip the earlier event for whatever reason.
  • hikidshikids Posts: 1,284Registered User Senior Member
    Same comment as many of the rest of these. Going stag not a problem most places. I would guess at a few, it might be problemmatic, but you should be aware of the nature of the school.
  • oldfortoldfort Posts: 16,805Registered User Senior Member
    What I have heard is that they usually scope it out before they ask - a guy will put a feeler out to see if a girl would go with him before he asks. My younger daughter wanted to go with a boy to a semi recently. She had her girlfriend feel the guy out first and got the guy to ask her. Recently a boy wanted to take my older daughter to a formal at college. He got my daughter's guy friend to see if she would go. She said, "Ok, as long as he doesn't expect to hook up with me." He then asked her properly and was a perfect gentleman.

    Your son may want to get his friends to help him out. He doesn't have to go with someone he has romantic interest in. Often when you go as friends it's a lot more fun because it's less pressure. My older daughter went with a guy friend last year. She had a lot of fun because there wasn't as much expectation.

    It's still not too late for your son to ask someone to the prom. As much as he wants a date, there are just as many girls that would like to be asked. I have 2 very attrative girls, and they are always very happy when nice handsome guys ask them out. So, tell him to reach out and ask a nice girl to the prom.
  • azngamer54azngamer54 Posts: 705Registered User Member
    My prom is in a week, and I am not going.

    I am going to a different school's prom though...

    I don't think anyone should bring up this issue to their child. I am sure every teenager has thought about going to prom, but to some (like me), it doesn't seem appealing. I'd very much rather go to an amusement park and have a nice dinner, and maybe even have money for new shoes (lol). The only reason I'm going with my friend to another prom is because she asked me, and if a girl has the courage to ask a guy, i think the least the guy can do is say yes, and have a good time.
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