munchkin

I guess that is a possibility that didn't occur to me. I was thinking of shelling out a few thousand getting an agency to get her some choice internships too.

And I am putting a word out to my investment adviser to get her a job at a very large bank.

Maybe I should save my money and my efforts. Sigh.

I really should kick her out - She lived in the dorm for the first year, and then we moved into the city to be closer to her brother and her and she requested to come home to stay, saying she missed us. Well, we missed her too, esp. her dad and we thought it's just for a year. Now it appears it is going to be for the rest of her undergrad. I think she is trying to save money by staying home, but she is getting on my nerves, not that I don't love her to pieces.

oldfort

munchkin - she is not trying to save money by staying home, it's not her money she is saving, it's yours, so what gives? It is curious that you moved to be closer to them. Just my view, but I think maybe you have made it too comfortable for your daughter. I wouldn't be surprised if she should continue to stay home after college - to find that perfect job. Maybe some tough love is needed here?

interesteddad

Bingo.

In our family, we never had that discussion. My daughter looked at the cost of tuition, room, and board and came to her own conclusion that, to avoid being a spoiled brat, she should earn her own spending money. I can't imagine having her home for a summer without working.

2boysima

"Shelling out a few thousand to an agency to get her an internship"?

"Putting out a word to investment advisor to get her a job at a large bank "(after she's already tanked two jobs I got for her....)

Am I the only one wondering if the OP is serious...or just making fun of helicopter parents?

munchkin

oldfort : It suited us to move into the same city, her older brother had serious learning disabilities, discovered late (my fault) and after a long and intensive research, I found a school that promised to "cure" him, despite what the neuropsychologist told us. That school (only 3 in all of north America) just happened in the same city as her college. This city suited our needs as well and we have lived here before, so we moved. We didn't move here solely because of the kids.

She is saving some of her money by staying home because she is responsible for 1/2 of her college expenses. So the less money she spends, the less money she owes us. I have a feeling collection from my kids may be a problem, the way she is behaving right now - so lackadaisical , but no matter, I want them to feel responsible.

To answer a previous poster : she said she wants to go the grad school - I always tell her grad school is on her own, she either has to work to save up or get some financial assistance from the college.

interesteddad

Don't loan it to her. If she wants spending money in the fall, she better get up off the sofa and go earn some cash money this summer. I wouldn't loan her a dime after she turned up her nose at two great summer jobs. Tell her to go bag groceries.

munchkin

I supposed you have a much better kid then me. Lucky you. I look at my friends, and we bring up the kids more or less the same way and feel a little envious when theirs seem to be more mature than mine. Don't know what I did wrong.


ETA: She is NOT getting any spending money from me. I don't know what else can I cut. All we were paying for was her tuition and bus fare and books. There is a thread going on about what bedding to buy for college ? I won't even buy them new bedding. I make them take the old stuff from home. Well I did get DS some additional padding because his dorm mattress was like 2 inches thick and lumpy. He said it hurt his back. I don't think I gave them that much.

interesteddad

Hey, ya can't blame the kid for taking advantage of what is given to her.

ADad

I agree. AND imo consider not letting her have access to or spend that saved money from previous years. I assume that you didn't require her to save half of her earnings so that she could take summers off and spend her savings. I'm thinking rather that you intended that the saved money was for college, a car, furniture, etc.

munchkin

So the dads are saying I should stop paying for school tuition if she won't work in summer ? That's all I am paying, tuition, books & bus fare. Well, food, - she normally packs lunch/dinner from home.

She said she is applying to a lot of jobs online and I believe her, but so far nothing has penned out yet. And I am frustrated she is turning whatever she has in hand when she has nothing lined up.

I don't have access to the money she earned. Part of the growing up is for her to have her own bank account. I don't gave her any credit cards.

ADad

I gather that your expectation was that she earn a certain amount each summer towards college. If she is not going to do that, I think that you should create whatever consequences may be appropriate such that it is she, not you, who bears the burden of her own failure to cooperate. If that would mean not paying tuition, so be it.

I agree with what you said earlier that one can question whether she will repay any loans from you, so therefore it would be wise to consider not making such loans. Traditional student loans from a conventional lender seemingly will be fine.

munchkin

I have asked both children to start their application for loans this summer. I didn't press them last summer, because of our move and son does not qualify because he is going to a special school. This summer I am adamant they take out loans.

I think it is a good idea to press her and reiterate the expectation she is expected to work summers to help pay for school. Her brother say he will take her job, unfortunately he won't finish his school till mid-June, and they probably won't hire him. Poor kid, he went for the same job interview she went for last summer, they gave her a second chance to pass the test (typing speed) and she got hired. They didn't gave him the time of the day.

asdfjkl1

Not a parent. But, a different perspective here.

Obviously, she is a smart student capable of earning plenty. But, her decision not to work might be enforced by the fact that she HAS money in the bank. Have her just sit around for a week. Maybe then, she'll start itching to work...

In concern to jobs, she could get SO many. She could work as a translator or at a business. Many are in need of bi-lingual people...

It might seem like a bad solution. But, since she wants to dip into her own money, let her. I think it's a bit too much to stop paying tuition altogether.

Maybe to light a fire under ass, make her pay rent to you for living there over the summer. And put that towards her tuition. That way, she'll forced to work. By allotting this money towards her tution, technically her money will be used to pay for college.

interesteddad

I thought you said that you were LOANING her spending money during college with the expectation that she will pay you back someday? Correct?

If so, stop. Let her have NO spending money unless she earns it upfront working.

munchkin

asdfjk : She has sat around for almost 3 weeks already, that's why I am getting antsy. Entry level jobs tend to get filled up because more & more students get out of school including high school students.

Her grands are asking to have them for summer and I keep blowing them off because I don't want them to think vacation ! and another excuse not to work. It's hard because their grands are not getting any younger, kwim ?

If I make her pay rent for the summer doesn't that mean I have to do the same for her older brother ? He does not get out till mid-June and his chances of employment are a lot worse than hers, though he is more motivated than she is.