calmom

Shrinkwrap means that if you have a husband who takes out the garbage, does the laundry, paints your deck, etc. .... you ought to keep him just the way he is. Get creative and find something else for your kids to do... but you are married to Mr. Perfect. (I may have kids with a strong work ethic.... but you if you are anyway unhappy with your husband, I'd be glad to trade him for my ex.....)

Shrinkrap

Well, I wasn't doing any marital counseling, I was only saying my husband does NOT do my kids chores...Nobody does!


joking...some..

But seriously folks, I have been of the "keep busy" persuasion, and often that meant someone else did the chores too...., as long as they were doing something productive. My D will go and go and go and go with her extracurriculars, then she comes home and naps......

munchkin

LOL, Mr Perfect got caught doing one of the kid's chores again and sheepishly said " ..... They are lucky..."

I said "No, I am lucky, (he does things for me too) and they (the kids) are spoiled "

mom2three

I think that ultimately, with parenting, we force an issue when we can't stand it any longer. Remember potty training? Eventually, even those kids who were "resistant" got potty trained because we were tired of dirty diapers.

That point comes at different times for different people. The summer-on-the-couch thing is a minor irritation for some, a major "dental drill" nerve jangler after a few days for others. In a pick-your-battles world, every parent has different things that push their buttons. The flip side of this is that all of our kids REALLY KNOW when we mean it. Go to a playground and watch. The 3 year olds have learned the tone that REALLY means "come here NOW." For some parents it's the 1st "come here," for others it's the 10th, and for some, they never REALLY mean it, and the kid knows that, too.

Munchkin, right now, can stand having daughter not work. Daughter knows that. When Munchkin REALLY gets to the point where D's not working makes her ready to take action, D will figure that out, too.

This is not a criticism. I'll bet Munchkin daughter's bedroom looks WAY WAY WAY better than my son's. In fact I'll take that bet with anyone here. Sigh. That's not one of my battles, and he knows it. Everybody's different.

munchkin

D went for an interview today. She couldn't have the job because it requires a 5 day, 8-5 schedule and she has her class during 2 of those days.

She got this interview on her own. She also seem to be more engaged with her studies - woke up early to study instead of her usual 12pm.

She said she applied for more jobs today and promise to start looking at retail or other shift work by the end of this week if nothing pens out.

mom2three: lol, d's room not only probably look better than your son's, it also look better than mine ! She is a neat, organized girl.

munchkin

Update:

D went for another interview today, she couldn't take the last job she interviewed for because of summer class. I wished she could, it coordinating a summer class for kids, which I think she would be great at and it pays $11/hour ! I took the suggestion of volunteer work and she was receptive so she applied for an unpaid position with a major financial institution.

She is asked to go back for a second interview this Friday. However, I think these people are being exploitative. They are asking for some major investment of her time and effort - learning about retirement plans and taxes and a six month contract, all without pay, and without any promise of advancement to a paying position with the company.

I think she should keep looking for other jobs with better prospects (it's not the lack of pay, it's the feeling of being exploited) but take this one if nothing turns up meanwhile. I wonder how does this company can even enforce a contract when there is no renumeration ? She was told there were a lot of applicants for this unpaid position. I wonder.

nysmile

Does anyone else find this discussion ridiculous? It's a summer job for crying out loud. Wait tables, be a nanny, work in a store, at a summer camp, at the movie theater, whatever! Just get off your butt and start making some of your own money. Big deal--she's taking ONE CLASS!!!! She should have registered for an online class like most kids during the summer so she can study around her work schedule. It sounds like she scheduled this class in the middle of the day to justify her not getting a job. Sorry, no sympathy about your situation here. I have sons who are busting their butts working for their own spending money, gas money, college book money, etc. And yes, the one who is home after his 2nd year of college is also taking classes this summer (he's all ready well over 20 credits ahead of most college sophomores). In addition, he works over 40 hours a week. How does she fill up her gas tank, socialize, save money for the college expenses, buy her books, buy her clothes, get her hair cut, buy her itunes, etc.? Do you give her the money?

3bm103

mom2three: I think you have it exactly right. We all have areas that the kids know we'd like them to do, but aren't real strict about and others that we really mean. They are different in every family.

If mine hadn't worked over a summer, they would have starved. I see no reason for the able bodied to sit around doing nothing. On the other hand, I would have liked them to help a little more around the house and keep their rooms clean. It wasn't going to happen.

Those are just two examples, there are lots more of things I maybe should have stressed a little more and others that they knew I meant. And they knew the difference.

teriwtt

nysmile - I think the OP addressed every one of your questions in her previous posts. Take a chill pill.

nysmile

OK--I've gone back and reread the previous posts. I think munchkin is finally realizing the consequences of making life too easy for her daughter. It's hard for me to relate to her situation. Our house is run like a team. Everyone needs to chip in to make it work.

ucsd_ucla_dad

Read the fine print of the 'contract' and understand it before signing it. Since it's not the military, they can't throw her in the brig if she quits before the 6 months. However, a company can contractually require repayment of certain expenses if the person quits before a certain time. This is commonly done with relocation packages. Since she wouldn't be getting paid by this company make sure they don't consider this some kind of 'investment' on their part with a requirement for her to pay them back the investment somehow if she quits early.

For an unpaid position I wouldn't sign any contract, period. I think your D needs to keep looking. As 'nysmile' stated, it's not usually that hard to find a low-end job if you're in a medium to large urban/suburban area and a number of these can work around a school schedule. That poster already listed many of them.

BunsenBurner

Unpaid position at a major financial company? I'd run like h*ll from that one. How do they justify it? Is this a non-profit or will your D get college credit for her "internship"? I agree with the posters who said keep looking.

munchkin

D is not giving up her search. She said she couldn't really explain the job better to me but that it is very involved and she has to learn about taxes (nothing wrong with that ) . She seem to want the job. Like BunsenBurner & U_Dad I thought it was strange a company as well established as the one she interviewed at to have such an arrangement. She can't tell me if it's just the person, an account executive & assistant manager hiring a personal/ private assistant and want to get some inexpensive help or it is the institution that is hiring. A flag for me is the 6 month commitment and no promise of future advancement. I can't imagine why anyone would want to work under these parameters. I guess the only benefit is looking good on her resume if the experience is a good one and she can put XYZ co as the employer.

She has to go for a second interview so she may not get it, meanwhile she said she is still applying for other jobs.

nysmile - Sometimes I think D is spoiled and sometimes her attitude comes from lack of confidence and shyness. But as mom2three said, like potty-training, she will eventually grow out of it. Even if we wished to cannot coddle her forever. We will grow old, feeble and die and she still have to face whatever life throws at her.

BunsenBurner

I have a suspicion that it might be illegal for for-profit organizations to get "free" help. Isn't there a minimum wage law?

munchkin

This person, I suspect, could be hiring her personally as his personal assistant. No downside to him since he is not paying anything. He is an account executive (I would imagine some kind sales representative and assistant manager).

On the other hand I am thinking being exploited is not necessarily a bad thing for her, when we lived in Chicago people (people who hired for for baby sitting) were so nice and fair to her, didn't contribute to much street smarts or toughness.

Since she is majoring in Economics she will probably end up working in a similar office environment so this could be good for experience, even she derives no income from it.

I asked her again and she said it's not so much a contract she needs to sign but the guy said the "work term" is 6 months. They already talked about the schedule when she goes back to school, which is 1 day per week, plus 1 weekend and another day /per month.