nysmile

Was this a one time incident between you and your mother? I'm not excusing her behavior but did the incident happen as described by you or was there some exaggeration in the description of the event because of emotions running high. It sounds as though your Mom is at her wits end either from your self centered attitude or the family's financial situation (or both). Get a job and help out financial. Stop using excuses about not finding a job and go out and get one. It's the only way you are going to understand the difficulty in stretching a paycheck as far as it can go. Based on your initial posting, you sound quite self centered and all of your decisions have been based on what YOU want. Again realize that I don't condone any sort of display of violence and if you truly feel threatened, leave. However, it's time you begin to take financial responsibility for the consequences of your decisions which seemed to only be based on what you want. Get a job. Start contributing financially. Anyone over the age of 14 should be working a summer job. Stop the excuses, get your drivers license, get a job, and think of the financial burden that you're placing on your parents by not contributing. Do your parents buy everything for you? How do you earn spending money? etc. Your parents sound as though they can't handle any more debt.

Consolation

This may be an abusive situation, but if so the "abuse" goes both ways. You need to stop making additional financial demands on your family. Your parents are obviously stressed to the max. Your mother needs help, right away. She is clearly at the breaking point. I would fear far more that she would commit suicide than that she would attack YOU.

Go find a job at a fast food restaurant, or answer an ad for a mother's helper, or get a job working for a cleaning service, whatever you can do. Stop making grandiose plans that involve your parents cosigning loans for questionable courses and expenses, and concentrate on getting straight As in your regular courses.

cptofthehouse

I am with Nester. There could be a lot of rationalization regarding the mother's behavior, but I don't believe that at our distance, we can be to careful. If the woman is truly at this point of despair, I would not want to push her any farther and would not want to take any chances that someone is hurt or worse.

Clearly, you are not getting along with her and are not making things better. I suggest you get out. Stay with a friend, get a job, forget about asking her to co sign loans. It is time for you to take care of yourself. Your mother is at a breaking point; no more squeezing anything out of her. You can take classes at another time before applying to law schools, even after graduation to up that gpa. My boys are all working this summer without cars and miles from any transportation. Find a friend to stay with and get a life of your own.

worknprogress

When I was about your age I had a very similar confrontation with my mother. I was headstrong, self-righteous, and argumentative. When we would have arguments I would not back down. I would have all of my pseudo-logical points and follow her around until she couldn't take anymore. One time, in the kitchen, she had a knife and made a similar statement, but I never believed for one minute that she would ever hurt me.

At that time in my life, despite all outward appearances, I was very unhappy with myself. I realize now that I provoked her so that she would say horrible things to me.

The best thing you can do for yourself is become more self-sufficient. Your mom may have snapped, but unless she is truly mentally unbalanced, her reaction was most likely out of desperation. If you stop making financial demands and become more self sufficient she will be healthier and you will feel much stronger.

happy4him

Sanjen's totally self obsessed attitude matters. Her mom told her that they already had too many loans and that her dad was laid off but all sanjen can think about is .10 GPA for a career she may pursue. Her track record shows lots of fickle behavior, so her mom lost it. She didn't actually pull a knife, and her comments were no death threat. Her mom is stressed out and her daughter should have more compassion for her!!!! If she doesn't want her mom to mess with knives, then I suggest she get up off her lazy *ss and takeover the dishes and for once think about someone besides herself!!!! What is it with this generation that they think loans are the answer to everything? They do have to be paid back you know. A little compassion for mom would go a longggggggg way. I agree a clergy could help.

Northstarmom

I agree with those who suggest that your mother sounds extremely stressed, and could be suicidal. While it is awful that she threatened you with a knife, at the same time, I can understand her frustration and stress. Your family is in dire straits, your parents sacrificed to come to the U.S., yet you have chosen to make some very unwise decisions such as dropping out of a private school where you had a scholarship, not getting a drivers license, and insisting on going to summer school although your family needs you to earn money now.

My advice is that you need to talk to someone who can offer you guidance. This could be a religious counselor or a counselor connected with your college.

Your idea of stretching your family's already meager finances so you can go to summer school now so that in a few years, you might be able to go to a top law school in order to raise your family's living standard is pie in the sky. Right now, you need to get a job -- any safe job even it it's mowing lawns and washing windows in your neighborhood -- and help your family financially as much as you can.

As for the idea that going to a top law school would somehow get your famiy out of dire straits, if you get any job right now, that would be valuable help that your family needs. If you get any job after college, that also would help your family. You don't need a professional degree, certainly not one from a top law school, to help a family that's teetering in poverty.

Also, going to a top law school takes a lot of money. Students graduate from top law schools with as much as $100 k or more in loans.

Many people don't go straight to professional or grad school after college. They spend a few years working a job -- any job -- gaining more knowledge about themselves and the world, and paying off undergraduate loans. The maturity and wisdom that they gain by taking time off also makes them more attractive candidates to graduate and professional schools.

My advice is to get whatever safe, legal jobs you can get now. Use the money to help your family. When you return to school, work part time (yes, you should do that, and as long as you're organized, doing this shouldn't affect your grades. I have plenty of friends who went to graduate and professional schools -- including Ivies-- who worked in college), sending money home if you can pinch pennies to do so.

Get the highest grades you can, and figure out how you can go to graduate/professional school without further hurting your family's finances. This may mean that you will need to take some time off after college -- just like many other people do.

Considering the sacrifices your parents have made to come to this country and give a good life to you, I can empathize with your mother's frustration at some of the decisions that you've made -- like dropping out of prep school -- because you were unhappy. I'm sure your parents have been very unhappy a great deal having moved to a new country as they made a better life for you than they probably had growing up. Your feeling that you're entitled to go to summer school despite the strain it would put on your family's tight finances was probably the last straw for your mother, who is doing her best to hold on to her own sanity.

It is very hard to be considered independent from one's parents. Since there was no documentation that your mother pulled a knife on you, and since you're continuing to live with your parents, I highly doubt that Northwestern would be willing grant you aid as an independent student.

Your parents also probably are making big sacrifices for you to go to Northwestern. Even if Northwestern has given you good aid, I bet you could have gone to college more cheaply by living at home and commuting, even if that meant starting at a two-year college. Appreciate what your parents are doing for you, and start shouldering your share of the financial burden. Also take responsibility for your own grades. If you didn't work up to your potential, you shouldn't expect your parents to financially sacrifice even more to boost your dreams of going to a top law school.

ldmom06

okay...call me confused. The knife never left the drawer?

It does seem like the op's mom had her last button pushed and she reacted badly and I'm not condoning threatening words or behavior. But I don't get that the mom is truly a threat to the op.

Btw...prestigious law schools will place a lot more weight on a student with financial need working during the summer to defray education costs to his or her family, than an A in summer school and the resulting .10 (really?) increase in GPA points.

erhswimming

Wow, I cannot believe that some of you think that we can just nitpick at someone's life less than 12 hours after she received a death threat from her mother. At least wait a couple days when she has her situation figured out.

Sanjennifer- Go try and stay with a friend and get a job or somehow make it back to Evanston and get a job there. You and your mother obviously need time apart from each other.

And to refute some of your guys' posts on how she should be scolded for dropping out of her prep school, what is wrong with going to public school? Isn't that free also? And without travel expenses?

Northstarmom

"And to refute some of your guys' posts on how she should be scolded for dropping out of her prep school, what is wrong with going to public school? Isn't that free also? And without travel expenses?"

The OP is complaining that their parents want them to work this summer instead of going to summer school in a bid to raise grades for a chance later to go to a prestigious law school. The parents are in dire financial straits, so need the OP's summer earnings.

Meanwhile, however, the OP -- who now is so concerned about going to an excellent law school in the future -- has a history of giving unhappiness as a reason for dropping out of a "prestigious prep school" that had given the OP a full scholarship. Seems the OP doesn't like being unhappy, but doesn't mind adding to others' unhappiness in order to get what the OP thinks the OP wants.

Doesn't make sense to me. Seems like a very self centered way of looking at the world.

cptofthehouse

erswimming, I said pretty much the same thing you did. However, my sentiments are the same as Northstarmom's. I would not want to underassess the seriousness of the home situation, so I think OP should move OUT ASAP, and start earning his own way, and think things over. His priorities are skewed in my opinion. There is enough stress in the household that it is not a wise idea to push for summerschool, loans, talk of prestigious law schools. The situation at hand needs to be addressed directly NOW.

happy4him

"Doesn't make sense to me. Seems like a very self centered way of looking at the world."

Amen. My heart aches for that mom.

marite

I support NSM's take in post #21. I would also add that there are some quite successful lawyers who earned their degrees in night school (as opposed to a "prestigious" law school) while working during the day. How does the OP propose to pay for three years at Prestigious Law School?
Can the OP get a summer job that provides housing, such as being a proctor during summer school, a camp counselor, etc...? I know it's rather late, but I wonder about the excuse of being so focused on school work that the OP was not able to line up a summer job. Lots of students began looking back in January or February.

Westcoastmon

I'm a little bit confused. OP would be able to find transportation to the university to take classes, but OP is unable to find transportation for a job as OP has to take the train. If OP could find transportation to the university OP should look for jobs in the area around the university!

Call the advice lines the other posters listed for advice. If you decide to stay at home make some handouts - become a summer nanny or clean houses. I got a handout the other day from a high school student for pressure washing. A team of college and high school age males have knocked on my door offering to stencil my house number in the street (no sidewalks) to make it easier to find my house.

What is within walking distance of your home? Grocery stores - always need cashiers, baggers, deli help, etc. Restaurant - always need servers and clean up crew. Sometimes grocery stores have bulletin boards where local jobs are posted - take a look at the board in your grocery store or local community center. If you live in the suburbs there may be swim or tennis clubs that have bulletin boards with job postings.

Take a look at Craig's List - you can look for rooms for rent in homes and you can look at the job listings.

You may have to give up your volunteer activities to concentrate on supporting yourself. In a few short years you are going to have to support yourself anyway - how are you going to do it without depending on your parents?

Next year you may want to consider staying at your university through the summer. Find a job on campus that will carry you through the summer. Or find a job near campus. Since most students leave for the summer it might be easy to find a low cost room or studio.

jonri

First, it's my understanding that SJ is male. That makes a bit of a difference because I don't think his mom could possibly overtake him physically. So, while he was undoubtedly upset by the encounter, I doubt that he ever felt threatened physically.


Second, the difference between a 3.7 and a 3.8 isn't that big a deal in terms of law school admissions. Additionally, if you wait a year before going to law school, you'll have another year's worth of grades for law schools to consider. You can up your gpa that way. And as someone else noted, a lot of LS admissions depends on your LSAT. A couple of points on that will more than make up for the difference between a 3.7 and 3.8.

Third, NSM's #21 says everything else I want to say more articulately than I could.

jessiehl

I cannot believe some of the replies here.

What the OP's mother did* constitutes assault in many states. And yes, I believe that grabbing a knife and saying that now you know why people kill their kids can reasonably be interpreted as a death threat.

That is abuse. That is wrong. That the OP's behavior was provocative does not change either of these statements. A college student being self-centered and asking for more loans, on the other hand, is not what I would consider abusive. Obnoxious != abusive.

Yes, the OP is being somewhat self-centered and obnoxious. That doesn't mean that she deserves this.

OP, I will reiterate what I said before - move out. And do everything in your power to become financially independent, for your sake, your mom's, and your family's. Don't press your mom for money again. It's an unnecessary stress on her, and possibly unsafe for you, and really, you don't need those summer classes.

Personally, I think this is grounds for not speaking to your mom again for years, if ever, but that is more of an individual thing.

Edited to add: I've been assuming that the OP is female, based on their having had a boyfriend, and heterosexuality being more common than homosexuality. I'm not sure that it makes much difference, though. A knife is still a deadly weapon, and you can hurt or kill someone bigger and stronger than you with it.

*Yes, I am assuming that the OP is telling the truth. There's no way for us to actually determine that, and obviously, if the OP is lying, my comments don't hold.