Sam Lee

I think some of you may want to know more about the OP and his situation before making judgement though. Some of you seem to suggest the OP hasn't been looking or doing much when to me, the OP has been working pretty hard. Some of you said other kids could find jobs...etc; well, maybe those kids live in places with more job opportunities? Did those kids pull out 3.8 GPA from top schools like the OP did? Maybe their schoolwork weren't as demanding and they had more time to look for work? That said, I agree with what most of you suggested as far as how he should proceed from now on.

Chedva

To me, this puts a whole new spin on things. If she did not hurt your father then, and did not hurt anyone the other times that she must have pulled a knife, why do you assume that she was going to hurt you now? Maybe she just pulls the knife, with no real intention of using it, to get your attention - clearly, by continuing to push her, you weren't LISTENING to her. You only began to listen when she threatened you. (And from your description of the incident, it sounded more likely that she would turn the knife on herself than on you.)

However, if you truly feel threatened, and not just upset that you didn't get your way, then leave. Once you're safe, remove yourself as your mother's stressor by supporting yourself through NU. Apparently you still take money from them despite your "full ride" - STOP. Kids who are truly abused and leave their abusers also don't receive financial support from them.

You can't have it both ways. Either be on your own or help your family (now, not in the future - yes, you look at the long term but you live in the now - lots can happen between today and law school graduation).

nysmile

Did those kids pull out 3.8 GPA from top schools like the OP did? Maybe their schoolwork weren't as demanding and they had more time to look for work?

Yes, kids with 3.8 GPA's and higher do it all the time. If you need money, you work. You find a way. You budget your time. You adjust your schedule. You stop using excuses to explain your predicament. You stop blaming other people for your situations. You take ownership of your life and you go out and live it. You grow up.

happy4him

I took nysmile's advice and read earlier posts of SanJen. He seems to enjoy drama.
jessiehl, I do not believe this was anymore than a horrible argument, there was no physical violence. I asked of you were a parent, because I believe most parents look at this differently. Parent's often make the mistake of being overly involved in their children's life, and often a disagreement facilitates both the child and the parent to realize that the time has come for the child to take control of their own life and be an adult. This transition is rarely easy no matter how close the relationship has been, but even harder when the relationship has been stressful for years. I don't believe Sanjen felt in danger, he is just looking for people to tell him he's right and someone else is wrong, like in all his other posts.

Northstarmom

"Did those kids pull out 3.8 GPA from top schools like the OP did? Maybe their schoolwork weren't as demanding and they had more time to look for work?
"

Most of my college friends at Harvard worked while also getting good grades and doing demanding ECs. Most went to excellent graduate and professional schools including medical and law schools.

Being able to juggle all of these things is normal for students who attend top colleges and need extra money. It's also normal for such students to start looking for summer jobs very early -- around spring break, and to work a fulltime job plus a parttime one. They don't have the luxury of going to summer school and not working.

Saying this as a student who did go to Harvard, and worked summers and during the school year.

Also, one doesn't have to go to a top graduate or professional school to become financially successful. Some of the most financially successful people in this country were C students at ordinary colleges, but worked very hard to make the businesses that they started a success.

Of course, to be able to achieve something like this, one has to be willing to work very hard -- at a job, not at academics.

natlisu

It sounds like the OP is an intelligent and strong young lady. You are smart enough to be the best person to help yourself and your mother. You are the more educated one here. If you can figure out a way to help her with the family financial situation this summer, you’ll be a much stronger candidate for a top law school, more than an A or two for any courses. Say sorry to your mom and offer to help, don’t walk out on her (or only long enough to let her cool down). Her life is much harder than yours and she loves you more than you can imagine. You’ve got here some good advice and some bad advice, and I feel confident that you will do the right thing. Best wishes to you and your family.

sanjenferrer

How do I "enjoy drama"? In fact, I dislike it very much (and have said it before), but it's not my fault that my life has a lot of drama. No outsider would guess what goes on in my life. Only my friends (and in many cases like this one, not even) and you guys on this forum are privy to my secrets.

Well, maybe I'm not as capable as those many others, but I can't keep a 3.8 and still work, at least I don't think so. Do you realize... I'm director of a citywide human rights program? That's a huge responsibility! To make up for not being able to work during the year, though, I live a very frugal life. I have not bought any clothes since sophomore year of high school (besides some Northwestern apparel), and I don't spend money on entertainment. I don't buy anything besides food (even my mom acknowledges this).

I also want to reiterate that I would LOVE a job right now (I'm extremely bored at home) but haven't been able to find one. I didn't think the job search would be this hard, so I didn't start looking in January as some of you suggested.

tenisghs

@ sanjenferrer

I would highly recommend you get your drivers' license if you don't have it. You should take this summer to pass your road test. I'm very serious. My mother originally didn't want to teach me, but I learned anyways and got my license at age 17. Now many years later, she is very delighted she doesn't have to chauffeur me around like a kid unless we're hanging out together. I just get in the car and take myself to work, stores, errands, etc.

And don't apply for alternative loans. Only get them to finish your degree requirements, not to look more competitive to law schools. What if your post-college plans change? Northwestern is an expensive school (I graduated from there), and the interest rate on alternative loans can be very high. Dealing with financial aid at Northwestern can be a huge pain (they won't even allow students to declare financially independent -- they expect the working parents to pay a bulk of the tuition and fees). It's terrible, but it was important I finished my degree.

Finally, your mother is very stressed out. I know it's strange, but she can't understand how paying for summer school will justify the current extenuating circumstances (I grew up in a single-parent household, and never once bought up summer school). There have been times in the past my mother yelled at me, but I knew from the beginning she was stressed out and responsible for ALL the finances. Sit down with her and listen to what she has to say. Consider looking at things from her perspective.

I'm sure you can find an office job in your local area and work there to contribute to the family expenses. Get the work experience, you will need it. I would never do a grassroots campaign job. It is very unsafe to knock on people's doors nowadays, especially if you're female.

sanjenferrer

Yes, I did. This is something you can't really judge if you weren't there to witness it. But she did have her hands on the knife and any person whose nervous system is working would be scared. I also wasn't looking for people to tell me I'm right... I've been very open to your suggestions.

Westcoastmon

Dear OP - Your Dad is losing his job in a few short months and your Mom is very worried about your family's current financial condition. You don't mention if you have siblings or not so I assume you are an only child. You also mention that your uncles are also losing their jobs which means many of your extended family members may also need financial help.

Your Dad can collect unemployment for a while, but unemployment benefits plus your Mom's salary may not be enough to pay their mortage, utility bills, car payments, fuel, insurance, groceries, etc. Unemployment will be just a fraction of what your Dad earned.

The last thing your parents need right now is another set of loans that they feel responsible for even if the loans are in your name. You mention how overprotective your parents are - not wanting you to be inside the homes of other people. If they are this overprotective I suspect they have been planning to help you pay off the loans that have been used to finance your college education. Can you honestly say that your parents would not try to help you financially if you found yourself unable to repay your college loans?

It's not going to be easy for your Dad to be unemployed and he is probably looking for another job. You need to do the same - there are jobs out there. This summer my D went to every single store in the largest mall in our area. She put in applications to every store that would accept them. And out of all those 200+ stores she was offered three jobs. Yes, it was discouraging and she spent all day walking from store to store and was told many times that they were not accepting applications. Many of the shops had on line job listings linked through the mall website.

She has two friends with no work experience at all - one went to work as a hostess at a restaurant. Her friend hates it, but knows how difficult it is to find a job right now. Another friend, also without work experience, found a job as a cashier at a toy store chain. She hates it, too, but realizes that she was lucky to find a job.

What if you woke up tomorrow and your folks told you they were returning to their home country? Where would you live and how would you support yourself? You need to think seriously about these questions because one day you are going to have to support yourself and that day is coming sooner than you might think.

Have you thought about parlaying your contacts with your city wide volunteer position into a paying position? It sounds like you might have many contacts through this agency that could help you find a paying job. In the end you might have to resign your position.

emeraldkity4

I wouldn't say that this would be a good model of behavior, but OP isn't a child , and while I wouldn't recommend it I have been situations where I enjoyed egging someone else on knowing they were at the edge of losing it and unable to stop.
As an adult he should be able to remove himself from situations where his presence contributes to escalation.

This is how situation was described, the mom is beyond stressed, the sole support of the family, husband laid off, son attending expensive private university & wanting to look toward even more years of expensive schooling, instead of figuring out how his current education will be covered-
Husband perhaps depressed about job prospects at his age, no money for retirement & no evidence that the situation will be changing for the better anytime soon.

With a spouse and an adult child that insists on attending school summers rather than working- as he did last year, against his mothers wishes ( and even if they are so far out in the suburbs that there actually isn't any work, many students stay on campus summers and work for profs)

I can understand how anyone can get so fed up that they make a statement, that shows that they understand how other parents get so fed up and frustrated that they harm their children.
I see the mom bearing the burden of supporting the family & being blamed as the bad guy to boot.

While I understand he is working hard in school, I wonder if he is also having opportunities that neither of his parents had, and while I am sure they both love him, I expect there is some resentment.

I am not " blaming the victim", but I think that parents don't owe their kids a college education, certainly not one with the cost of Northwestern & while the child will benefit from the education, the parents and especially the mother, are bearing the burden of the expense, not to mention the slap in the face that refusal to get a job and help with expenses is.

sanjenferrer

There is no need for this overreaction. I'm far from being a lazy person. Like I said, I would love a job right now but can't get one.

sanjenferrer

I think there's been great misunderstanding on this site. The reason I took the summer classes last summer in the first place was to boost my GPA to get into a top school that would offer me a full financial aid package. My parents are paying $0 towards the cost of my NU education, and I will have no loans to boot. I'm, of course, very grateful for this opportunity and have taken advantage of it by working the hardest I could. My 3.8 is a reflection of that hard work.

The difficulty of being director of a citywide human rights program is also greatly underestimated.

sanjenferrer

I would love to have a driver's license, but even if I did, I don't think I'll be able to drive because my family's car insurance would increase.

Westcoastmon

With a 3.8 GPA you should have some contacts with professors at your university. Call and email them to see if there are any summer positions - they might be able to find you something. You'll have to give up your volunteer position since you would be leaving town.

Until you have completed at least 50+ job applications "can't" is a lame excuse. Don't bother to say you can't find transportation to get there even if you do get a job. If you could transport yourself to the university for summer classes and also to your city wide human rights position you can transport yourself to a job.

It's time to be practical. Give up your dreams right now for a paycheck so you can live out your dreams later. No more excuses!