TheAnalyst

I made S1 clear out extra clothes when he got home from college at the beginning of this summer because he had no room to unpack. He filled FOUR huge leaf bags with clothes he no longer wants (and I can't tell the difference in terms of space in his room). I put those bags in the garage to take to a neighbor who has 7 boys, the oldest of which is the same age as S1 and good friend, but H became sentimental and hasn't let me part with any of it yet. It's not like there is any room in H's closet for all those clothes, although the two do wear the same size and share clothes frequently for golf and dress up wear. H wants me to have a t-shirt quilt made of the soccer shirts; I don't even own a sewing machine anymore, so will have to pay somebody. H also pulled out one of S1's shirts to wear to a party over the 4th of July. I guess it makes him feel closer to S1 to wear his clothes when he's gone.

We haven't made any other changes to the bedroom (all the trophies are still on display), but have used it as a guestroom if needed. Last week-end, I had my mother and sister staying from out of town and we had agreed to host two college tennis players (play for Wofford and Winthrop) for a local mid-atlantic clay court tournament. S1's room had to be called into service with four out of town guests, but that is pretty rare.

abasket

Do something to her room???!!! I could hardly even walk by it without crying for the first few weeks let alone walk in and change it!!!! As happy as I was for HER, it was difficult to see that room empty, especially at night...

All I eventually did was clean it up well - pile everything up on top of her bed and dust and use Murphy's to my heart's content. Then everything went back down where it was. The rare occasion that a guest was visiting during the year while she was gone, they used her room with all her things around - a male friend teased that it was daunting trying to fall asleep with posters of Clay Aiken and Apolo Ohno all around him!!!!

D finally got around to cleaning the room really well when she returned this year after freshman year - welll, at least "really good" on her terms. It will stay her room until she also no longer feels it's necessary.

rodney

I didn't even think about this until this thread was posted....My D is a compulsive organizer; one of the things on her "to-do" list this summer is to clean out her room and she has already started.....we wouldn't even think to touch her room; it is hers for as long as she wants it....

She is so attached to the memories that she has documented in that small space that it would be a strong "slap-in-the-face" for us to even think about touching it.....and that's the way we like it........it is such an intergral part of her personality......

originaloog

While he was an undergrad we left the room as is for when he ventured home. Now that he has graduated and moved to the west coast and we are now retired, we have sold his room along with the rest of the house.

Seriously he was a bit taken aback when we told him that we would be moving to warmer climes sometime this year because he had spent his entire life in this house. But he quickly adjusted to the idea and is happy for us.

my-3-sons

We have the space, so our kids' rooms remain exactly the same...well, perhaps a little cleaner.

NorthEastMom2

My d has the largest secondary bedroom, but wants to keep it. Meanwhile my S needs more space !! So I am hoping over Xmas she agrees to swap. In the meantime, I have been relentlessly pushing her to go through her stuff. She's a packrat and the room is overflowing. My comment - Nothing magical will happen - when you come back at Thanksgiving, you're going to come back to the same disorganized mess !! So, slowly but surely she is getting rid of stuff - college brochures, 8th grade Algebra I notes, clothes that don't fit.....Also, a real key point this summer - stop buying stuff - you do not need any more clothes or shoes - they won't fit in the dorm room.

rodney

"Also, a real key point this summer - stop buying stuff - you do not need any more clothes or shoes - they won't fit in the dorm room."

Yea, I wish that someone in their peer group would let them know this....it's not sinking in around here.......

MidwestParent

I follow ReneeV and abasket's line of thinking.

Their rooms will remain their rooms with their stuff out, until they decide they don't want it that way. As I said, older daughter takes things to her apartment, takes things she has posted on her doors down each time she comes.

I clearly remember going back to my own bedroom after college and thinking, "Enough of this!" - down went the posters, out went the stuffed animals, etc. I am sure my girls will do the same, but I will let them do it when they are ready (always willing to help if they want!). That doesn't mean that guests won't use their rooms when they are gone, as they always have!

binx

S1's room became guest room when we came home from Germany. He is offended, although he comes home only at Christmas. We moved into this house when he was going into 9th grade, and he has never really felt like this is home anyway. But I think he minds not having "roots." Something you feel rather than see.

I don't dare touch S2's room, or the cat would have a fit. In fact we call it "Frank's room" as often as we call it S2's room. He is S2's cat, and spends most of his time there. Although he does consent to sleep with D if she is home, and S2 is not.

I won't consider doing anything with D's room while she is still in college. She may reach a point where she doesn't come home much, but I don't want it to be because she feels there isn't a place for her.

somemom

I do have to give props to D2, when she was packing for college she suggested little sis move into her room which was bigger and, more importantly, had a much better closet. This meant little sis would even use big sis's special furniture which fit that room, it was a very generous offer.

emeraldkity4

welll- it is in the basement- and it is small- I tried to get her to take her stuff- but she had less room after she graduated from college than she did in her dorm.
She didn't want anything and what is worse, everytime she comes up she leaves a jacket, or a pair of jeans or shoes!
She has little enough that she needs them so then I have to send them to her.
( I think if she wasn't still using the day pack I used 18 years ago when I was going to school, she would have room and wouldn't forget so much stuff- I don't know why she still uses it- it isn't torn or anything, but she got luggage for graduation- BTW The Northface- very good brand )

Now that she is in a larger house, and has her own bathroom, I am hoping I can " share" some furniture I have been saving for that purpose!


I don't dare touch S2's room, or the cat would have a fit. In fact we call it "Frank's room" as often as we call it S2's room. He is S2's cat, and spends most of his time there. Although he does consent to sleep with D if she is home, and S2 is not.

Our cats are gone now, but there is a cat neighbor who comes over & I often find him sleeping on her bed.

( note- get rid of that awful futon and those pressboard bookcases-)

gato1

First D went off to college two hours away a couple years ago. She comes back every few weeks but never clears out anything. The room doubles as a guest room infrequently and an office for bill paying.

The second D just went off two weeks ago and hasn't been back yet. Her room is much cleaner. The downstairs bathroom towels are always in place and the makeup clutter is now just my own.

The cats sometimes claim the bed and love to sprawl across stretched out to the max. Sometimes the dust bunnies threaten.

Often I find myself restless (or is it my hubby's snoring) and find my way into one of their rooms in the early morning. It does help with the loneliness a bit for now.

anxiousmom

Both my kid's rooms are closet-sized, and much of their dorm stuff is piled on top of the loft beds. There is barely room to turn around. I will be encouraging them to clean out their rooms before they return to school (or in DD's case, head off to a foreign country), but have no plans to convert them. I think it is important for them to always have a place to return to...

HisGraceFillsMe

anxiousmom-my parents feel the same.

They've discussed their only redecorating plans (getting a smaller desk...my queen-sized hand-me-down bed takes up a lot of the space in my room and I won't need the extra desk space anymore) with me and gotten my approval, and I doubt that they'll change anything else without talking to me first.

I have a cousin that is having trouble standing on her own two feet, and my dad suggested she move into my room when I leave. My mom FLIPPED and goes, "D needs her room when she comes home! She is NOT sleeping on the couch!" It was great.

aibarr

I can understand this, though.

When I went away to college, I loved it, but it didn't feel like home. Since I graduated, I've kind of been floating between apartments in various states, and still nothing really feels like "home" to me, which has been kind of unsettling, but I've gotten more used to it over time. When I first went away to college, though, my parents' house was still very much "home". I can understand your daughter feeling upset by the idea of losing that sense of having somewhere that she definitely belongs, and that is completely her own.