calmom

Zoosermom, obviously in any discussion about work, comments are made on the assumption that the kid is healthy and does not have special needs. It's great that your daughter is working and making money -- but at the same time no one would think less of her or you if she was home resting and recovering from her illness.

I don't think kids should work themselves to exhaustion in any event -- its just that it has been my observation for both my kids that work during the school year generally seemed to provide more balance in their lives. It is true that my daughter ended up quitting a job in high school because it was interfering with her studies -- but that was more a matter of an unpleasant work environment and inflexibility about her shifts than the fact that it was paid employment.

Of course if my kids had to work FULL time while attending school that would be too much. (I say that because I know of many self-supporting young people who have done just that). But my son worked HALF time (20 hours a week) during his junior year in college, and I know that his job was the highlight of his life. He was always calling me excited over some project at work -- very rarely did he show the same enthusiasm for school -- yet he had close to a 4.0 average that year and took a full course load.

kelsmom

Yes and no. My D has worked forever. She babysat from age 11, and she started scooping ice cream at 16. This is her 4th summer at the ice cream place. She did not work in college last year (no on campus jobs/no work study in her aid package), but she will this year (new school with more jobs).

S, who is 16, used to work at the ice cream place. He hated it. He no longer works. He spends very little, and he does have savings from some band tshirts he made & sold this past spring. He knows the drill ... if he wants money, he has to earn it (no handouts).

lunitari

D1 (17) works part-time in the summer, does not work during the school year. D2 (15) hasn't had a job yet but plans to next summer; in the meantime she's doing some gardening and housework for me.

They have such heavy class schedules that working during the school year doesn't seem wise. Concentrating on grades/studying during the academic year and work in the summer seems to be the right balance for them. Part-time summer work still leaves them time to be young & have fun.

insomniatic

Who said I didn't work? I started a business through EBAY, so that is how I get my money. Granted it is not a lot, but it would be the same as if I worked 20 hours per week at a part time minimum wag job.

calmom

I thought your question about students who work getting "burned out" implied that you didn't work or didn't approve of students working while in school. If I misunderstood, I'm sorry. Are you saying that you are feeling burned out from your work?

Keep in mind that students who work do not all work at minimum wage -- in fact, I think it is fairly rare for a student who has a year or more of work experience to be getting minimum wage -- over time their experience will result in promotions or allow them to get better paying jobs. The only thing close to minimum wage jobs that my daughter has in college is her work-study job, but she loves the job and hours are very flexible. I think she also has time to read and study on the job - I know that was true for my son at his college work-study job. Both my kids also supplemented their work-study with jobs that paid well above minimum wage.

insomniatic

I am talking about the parents who make their children get jobs as soon as they turn 16 and make them work full time during the summer. Don't you think they are going to get burnt out after they graduate from college and will most likely have to work a full time job every day?

My work is fun and I enjoy what I do. I just do it for extra money.

calmom

Do you think we parents work full time + overtime and sometimes multiple jobs just for the fun of it? Don't you think maybe parents get "burned out" having to come home from work every day to change diapers and bathe and feed whining kids, to sit with them for hours as they do their homework, to pick up their toys and do their laundry -- and having to get up an hour or more earlier every morning to get their children dressed and ready, to feed them breakfast, to drive them to their school or day care center?

It's called adulthood. It is simply what happens in life. If we are lucky then we can find employment in fields we enjoy, if not we keep on going.

I never "made" my kids get a job. They figured out all by themselves that they wanted jobs, perhaps because they saw both parents working so hard, perhaps because their peers were getting jobs.

I think you you have made a contradictory statement -- you said that you have to pay all of your own college costs, but now you say that you just do your work for "extra money".

I work, and my kids work, to meet basic needs. Yes, we will work beyond what it takes to meet basic needs for "extra" -- but when my d. goes off to her work study job for $7/hour, she isn't thinking about "extra" - she's thinking about having enough money to pay for her books and her groceries. So if you were in fact paying for your own college expenses, I don't understand why you would phrase things the way you did.

insomniatic

No, it is called parenthood, not adulthood. Those are responsibilities for a parent, not necessarily an adult.

I said my parents pay for my college tuition. Since I live at home, they pay for board. I pay for everything else, so that is why I work.

Northstarmom

Yes, S, 20 has worked summers since he was 18.
Older S, 24, started working summers at 16.

calmom

Insomniac, then I misread your post -- and I do think you are very privileged, and somewhat immature and/or naive. If your parents are paying for tuition plus room & board, there isn't much else to pay for. Do you pay for your books? How old are you? What year of college are you in?

A lot of students are responsible for earning a much larger portion of their upkeep, if not supporting themselves entirely. Most parents and most college-age students work because they have to in order to meet basic needs. Working only for "extras" is something that is more typical for high school students.

insomniatic

Are you kidding me? There's food, clothes, supplies, etc.

Like I said before, I beleive (by compring myself to my other classmates and my reading these boards), that I am far from privileged.

I drive a used car, I don't go on vacation, and I don't get money to spend on whatever I want.

Just this year my friend went on a trip to Europe and my cousin went on a trip to France (all financed by their parents).

Can you please elaborate on this on why you feel this way.

Not at my school. Maybe it is different because I don't attend a university that is $20,000 per year and I go to a commmuter school. The tutition at my school is $5,000 per year.

calmom

The kids around here who attend the commuter schools while living with their parents are generally paying for their own tuitions and working to earn that.

You didn't answer my questions. How old are you? What year of college? Who pays for your books? (I'm asking because I would expect more of a 21 year old college senior than an 18 year old freshman).

insomniatic

I am a 21 year old junior.

Like I said before, I am just basing my opinion on experiences. All of my nieces and nephews who went to college had their college paid for by their parents. They all stayed in town and went to the same school I am going to.

How much is tutition for the students you are talking about?

calmom

Then you and all of your nieces and nephews are all very privileged.

Here in California tuition for the CSU's runs to about $4000 a year.

I am not saying that you are doing anything wrong, other than failing to recognize that you have a very privileged lifestyle. If your parents are happy with paying your tuition and having you live at home without contributing financially to the household, that's fine -- but you are lucky and most kids do not get that level of extended support. The kids I know who are attending commuter schools for the most part come from families of limited means -- it is not that their parents are cruel, it is simply that the decision to attend the local college is generally due to financial constraints.

As a parent, I also would be very frustrated if I had not seen my kids taking on a reasonable portion of the responsibility for payment for their own college expenses. So I have expected them to take on the maximum allowed for subsidized loans, and I certainly expect them to accept whatever work-study their college offers them.

If you talk about "burn out" -- I was kind of burned out after 23 consecutive years of parenting, when my younger child reached age 18. I was glad to be able to let go of certain areas of financial responsibility.

You still haven't answered one of my questions: who pays for your books? (I'm wondering if all your "extra" money is for discretionary spending, or if any part of it goes to necessities).

binx

Insomniac, I suspect there are regional and community differences in what is typical, or expected. Around here, you would be doing more - or at least equivalent - of what many students are doing. My own kids are very privileged compared to you - we parents have paid more of their education, and have allowed them more freedom. But then, the two still in school don't have cars, either. But my kids have less than many of their peers, who's parents spring for cars, designer clothing, fancy vacations, etc. It's all relative.

So I wouldn't call you "very privileged" - compared to what is common around here. Apparently where Calmom lives, this isn't the case. And of course, if we are talking many other places in the country and world, then yes, even having a car and an opportunity for advanced education and parents who care about you - would then become extreme privilege.

Sometimes in the course of discussions like these, it is easy to become defensive or accusatory when folks have different experiences. I just want to reassure you that, as Calmom mentioned, you aren't doing anything wrong. We all get handed a different barrel of goods; it is what we do with them that really matters.