mom2collegekids

Actually, it's now believed that BPD affects men and women equally.

jym626

I have read some articles that suggest that the frequency of BPD is higher in males than originally considered, but I think that for the mostpart it is still considered more frequent in females than males.

Some literature suggests that men manifest symptoms differently as, for example, they do not as readily or openly directly express their abandonment fears, which makes the diagnosis more difficult due to the differential presentation of symptoms.

mom2collegekids

Understanding BPD | Borderline Personality Disorder

Prevalence
It is estimated that more than 14 million American adults, distributed equally between men and women, have BPD. It is more common than schizophrenia or bipolar disorder: an estimated 11% of outpatients, 20% of psychiatric inpatients and 6% of primary care visits meet the criteria for the disorder. Obtaining an accurate diagnosis can be difficult.

Borderline Personality Disorder in Men Overlooked, Misdiagnosed | Psychology Today

What do we know about men with BPD? The latest research shows that indeed the gender split is not 75% female, 25% male as is stated in the DSM-IV. The prevalence is nearly 50/50. We have a long way to go until we know how to diagnose and treat borderline men.

jym626

That psychology today thing is the pop psych article I was thinking about. The juried journals do not seem to have the same opinion. That is not a generally held concensus opinion amongst the professionals in the field as far as I understand from colleagues and experts in that area. No matter.

bethievt

Yes--DBT can help a lot. Yes, people can get better. I'm a psychologist and I've seen it happen. Don't give up on your kid--I know you won't!

wellsfriend

I am so happy I came across this thread as it gives me some hope and resources. Back in December, my D was hospitalized for severe depression. We have been riding a rollercoaster since then. She started meds that have been increasing slowly but I saw no improvement. She has a private therapist and she also goes to a group therapy session for kids her age. The therapist started noticing certain traits and thinks she has BPD. There were days, DH and I almost thought, this can't be true, she is manipulating us. Then, just last week, she had another bad episode and now the therapist is almost certain BPD is the issue.

An intense DBT program has been recommended by her psychiatrist. However, the therapist thinks she might be better on the one on one as she seems to "copy" others' situations and also feels the needs to help them. However, she needs to learn to focus on herself. So, we are still thinking about this.

College is also in the back of our minds. She has two years left in HS and wants to go away this summer to a one week program at a college she is looking at 3 hours away. I am a little uncertain about this. I am even thinking of cancelling our cruise vacation abroad that we had booked a year ago in anticipation of celebrating her birthday. I am thinking what if she has a bad reaction and she runs away on the ship or in a foreign port. Things I never thought about before. Yet, thinking back when she was little, she would sometimes wander away from us and suddenly reappear just as we were ready to panic. I wonder now, if she was testing us.

Anyhow, I am curious to see if the thread continues. I would like to hear more about DBT and how successful it could be. So far, it sounds like there is hope. Also, it seems that most parents want to keep them close to home and I can see why. This kid is so smart and has so much potential but I am really afraid to let her wander off too far.

VeryHappy

Good luck to you and your D, wellsfriend.

psych_

Interesting note about DBT--the creator of DBT, Marsha Linehan, recently "came out" as having had BPD or at least very pronounced BPD traits into her twenties. This was a pretty big deal in the psych community both because DBT is considered the premiere treatment for BPD and an emerging, promising treatment for other disorders and because BPD has historically been heavily stigmatized in the psych community as being one of the most difficult populations to work with(so, not something you would generally expect a hugely successful psychologist to have a history of!).

See the NYT article here: http://www.nytimes.com/2011/06/23/he...anted=all&_r=0

Nrdsb4

There is someone in my extended family with BPD. Kudos to you who deal with this situation daily or frequently and keep a positive outlook on life. I am not one to allow someone to so disrupt my life and those around me that I am willing to walk around on eggshells constantly, but maybe I would feel differently if it was my child. The only way I can deal with the BPD relative in my family is to absolutely limit my contact with this person to a bare minimum. If I didn't have to see this individual, I NEVER would, but as it is, I must concede to some contact. But I really don't think I would be able to maintain a marriage with a person with this disorder. It's not as scary to me as a person who is a sociopath, but it is such a frustrating, irritating, emotionally exhausting disorder, I think I would lose my sanity if I were married to such a person.

garland

I looked back to read what I'd written about my family member on this thread, and was saddened to see that my outlook was more positive then than now. I continue to communicate with her because of her son, who is bearing the weight of one BPD parent, and one generally extremely irresponsible parent--the two of whom are at constant war. I do love the BPD person, but she exhausts me, when she's in a middle of a crisis. It's been quiet recently, but a few months ago we had to pick up the son to stay with us as he was destabilizing and mom couldn't handle it. I wish her all good things, but my energy mostly goes to trying to be a life raft when necessary for her son, honestly.

downtoearth

I had a friend withBPD or so I diagnosed her with it. I was so troubled by the relationship that bought the book walking on eggshells and it was so helpful. When stopped being friends with her she turned friends against me. That was painful, even when I got cancer they ignored it. She is very high functioning and intelligent and very adept at hiding it. She is also very charismatic, and fun. If I said anything no one believed me . This was mentioned in the book. Being friends with her turned into one of the most painful experiences in my life. but when it started to affect my kids I backed out. She had daughers the same age as mine, she was highly competative etc...
Reading this makes me wonder if a friend's daughter has this, she is always causing fights, is very dramatic, my friend had to cancel plans with us because her daughter was out of control and demanding she come home. She refuses to take an SSRI because that is for crazy people and she is "not crazy" Ok so how does one bring this up?? I have many friends with kids and this kid is so extreme
Garland so identify with your level of fatique , kudos to you for hanging in there

garland

DTE--thanks for the kudos. I have to caution you, though--BPD is a very particular disorder; be careful about diagnosing it as a lay person because of someone's extreme and/or dramatic behavior. there are many histrionic, hard to deal with people who do not have this condition.

My family member is on several medications; it's not something she has any real choice over as she's barely in touch with reality without them.

downtoearth

Yes I agree, it was just a way to help me understand, it is what think but dont actually know. She fits so many of the symptoms. Doesnt matter and I dont spend time with her. I am pretty perceptive and I couldnt understand how I let myself into the situation. In my heart I believe she has it. But dont discuss it with anyone. years later my heart still hurts over the way I was treated.

Classof2015

Just saw this thread. My own D is struggling with anxiety and depression, and I think she has adopted many coping mechanisms from her father who I think is either BPD or NPD (narcissistic personality disorder). You're either a friend or enemy; you're either helping or killing him -- there's no in between. She has many of the same responses to life (along with the fragility/entitlement/drama queen behavior). OP -- I'm glad your child is now out of his orbit.

I believe talk therapy and group therapy is a great resource. They can get feedback in a safe environment on how they're coming across.

I had a BPD as a friend once. I disappointed her by not planning her 40th birthday party to her exacting standards ("why would I want to go out to a restaurant when I could get someone to have a party in their home?") and her rage was volcanic. I'd never experienced anything like that. She has since dropped me as a friend. I feel lucky.

garland

I'm by no means an expert, but in my family member's case, though outside events can make her angry, it's much more common for her anger to be directed at herself. I've never felt 'rage' at me, or at any family members. Borderline causes immense pain to the person who suffers from it (I believe the suicide rate is high). I try to remind myself of that when I'm dealing with her; no one would choose to feel that way 24/7.