2collegewego

Oh my goodness! I am sitting here in tears and my youngest is still upstairs. I'm not sure I can do this-- allergic to dogs, can't afford grad courses for myself (oh, how I wish!) and I'm in a dying employment industry. I've honestly thought of just selling the house, buying something smaller and starting over. I know the kids want me to keep the house so they can just 'drop by' but upkeep is too expensive and this house is filled with their ghosts.

MaineLonghorn

This thread has been helpful for me, because I'm still in the middle of the chaos. My youngest is in 5th grade - her brothers are in 8th and 11th. I will remember what you are all saying when I'm pulling my hair out driving to the school for the third time in one day!

jnrsmom

I'm truly amazed at all the wonderful, sincere posts since i wrote last night, after TNMom opened this thread. I've both laughed and cried the past 10 minutes reading all the new posts as my wonderful daughter sits at her computer communicating on Facebook with all the new friends she will meet when she leaves for college in August, 3000 miles from home.

TNMon said "I have mixed emotions of how life will be without school schedules, and wondering who will take care of the kids, whether they've done homework, meeting their project deadlines, or someone elses laundry to do. And yet, I will miss hearing daily tales of what went on today, the endless explanations of what he learned in school, or even the simple thing of my signature being needed. Needed...I guess that's where I will feel that pain."

I couldn't agree more - that feeling of being needed will be gone. Maybe not gone, but it will be forever changed in how our kids will need us. sob....sob...sob

MidwestParent

Found a lovely song recently that so reminds me of my children leaving home - even has a wonderful violin solo. Youngest is a violinist and I REALLY miss the sound of her dalily practicing! The song is on YouTube -

"When You Come Back Down" by Nickel Creek

You got to leave me now, you got to go alone
You got to chase a dream, one that's all your own
Before it slips away
When you're flyin' high, take my heart along
I'll be the harmony to every lonely song
That you learn to play

When you're soarin' through the air
I'll be your solid ground
Take every chance you dare
I'll still be there
When you come back down

I'll keep lookin' up, awaitin' your return
My greatest fear will be that you will crash and burn
And I won't feel your fire
I'll be the other hand that always holds the line
Connectin' in between your sweet heart and mine
I'm strung out on that wire

And I'll be on the other end, To hear you when you call
Angel, you were born to fly, If you get too high
I'll catch you when you fall

swimcatsmom

You could always do what some people we knew did after the youngest of their 4 left for college. They adopted 5 - yes 5 - little ones. I think they had 5 under 5. For me borrowing 5 under 5 for a day would have probably cured any empty nest syndrome! But to each their own.

I hit the empty nest syndrome early because her sophomore year my younger one decided out of the blue to apply for the residential State math/science school. We were really surprised as she was a good swimmer and loved band and the math/sci school had neither of those. So it was more of a sudden shock and not the gradual lead up. I was pretty depressed and shed many tears most of her sophomore year at the though of her leaving at 16. For us College is actually easier as she is much happier (the math/sci school was not a happy experience, very stressful) and we can easily to communicate with her compared to the math school where they had little access to phones.

MarathonMan88

I was about to write something about the empty nester's role not being so new, that at bottom our kids still need and expect our love, support, and even occasional advice . . . but I never finished. My cell phone rang; it was DD's ring tone.

gladmom

Our S is a freshman in college 2000 miles away, so we have the EN thing going. Believe it or not, he calls most days and my H & I have long talks with him on the speakerphone. I think we talk more now than we did when he was home! Those unlimited mobile-to-mobile plans are great.

Yes, things are different, but he still needs us in many ways, and we are happy to be here for him. I had thought that I would have a more difficult time of it, but I haven't shed a tear since we said good-bye to him on move-in day last September. It certainly helps that he is in frequent contact with us.

Our D is 21 and lives on her own. She calls often and sees us most weekends. So our empty nest is a very pleasant one. I very much enjoy the peace and quiet, the way things stay clean, the much smaller loads of laundry and the fact that our food bill has been quartered.

Northstarmom

"can't afford grad courses for myself (oh, how I wish!)"

But could you afford to take a community college course, class at your local senior center or art gallery? Any such activities could give you a welcome opportunity to learn and grow and perhaps discover talents or revive interests that you'd put on the shelf while raising kids.

Another option would be doing volunteer work with a cause or organization that you love.

momofsam1

We too will be empty nesters soon. My DD is an only child, I had her when I was a teenager and we've really grown up together in many ways. I know you're not to suppose to be "friends" with your children, however it will be like loosing my child and my best friend all at once.
DH and I will be alone together for the first time. That should be interesting! Not sure we have anything incommon except DD. I think we might take up golf!
However, we too have talked about fostering. I love children and could only have one of my own, so I think this might be a good option for us. I'm not ready to be done being a mom.
Thankfully DD won't be far from home. We will be able to see her often. (If she allows!) It will be the hardest when I go to bed at night and know she's not in the next room.
Crying now just thinking about it!

2collegewego

Northstarmom, I could although I don't think I'm ready for the senior center. (I'm in my early 40s.) What I want to do is retool for a different career. I had my first child in my teens. They've been my life. I do think for me, at least, particularly because I'm single, I need to build something new. I just have to figure out how to do that while paying their tutions. It might be easier at first to do something creative as you suggest. It may be a good bridge.

Northstarmom

Don't assume you're too young for the senior center. I started going while in my 40s. They had fascinating workshops and classes at cheap prices. Even some teens take classes at mine. They also can be good places for networking.

Community college, too, can be a very inexpensive way to expand your skills and get the background for new careers. I've taken classes for as little as $60 a semester at mine, and have taken one-day workshops for cheaper.

Another option might be on-line classes, which your local universities and colleges may offer. They just, however, won't offer the networking that you might get by going to class in person.

To my surprise, classes and workshops that I took just for fun have ended up resulting in some skills and opportunities that earned me some money. That even included my taking acting classes and photography classes, things I never thought that I had much talent in, but things that have earned me some money!

avoidingwork

I'm happily divorced, but a friend of mine and her husband (ahem) 're-discovered' each other when they became ENers.

SplashMom

DH and I dreaded nothing more than when DD left for college (2006). She is our one and only (if you don't count the dog). After a couple or three months of feeling sorry for ourselves, DH and I realized that we have a great time with one another and really enjoy spending time together. We've spent time at the driving range, seen movies, attended beer tastings, gone on trips, etc. We realized if DD was perfectly happy (which she is), we should be, too. As much as we love DD, and as much as we love spending time with her, we also have a great time without her. We have embraced the empty nest. We're out there and we're loving it!

sfvmomof3

This thread really hits home - reading and thinking "Wait that's me." As a happily divorced parent (whose kids have been the joy in my life), with two off at school and a very independent 10th grader - if there was an ATM and chef, she wouldn't even notice I was gone, I am busy thinking about the rest of my life. Reading this has given me lots of ideas and a good deal of trepidation. I am now looking at the final two years with youngest daughter as a period of time to rediscover myself and find something, in addition to work, to fill up the time.

To HImom, I am interested in how you made the transition from law to something more satisfying. I, too, am thinking about a mid-career shift to something that might make a little more difference in the world. I just haven't figured out how yet.

TNMom2Three

Splashmom...you give me hope. I'm looking for that honeymoon we never had time to get away for (already had dd from previous marriage). Our 25th anniversary will be coming up within a few months after the last one goes to college. Might be time to finally go on a cruise!