Northstarmom

"I got busy ASAP or the option of huge depression was getting way too close. Then I discovered thru the experience that to be happy I have to stay very busy, like being torn between things to do, otherwise I would be very depressed."

I am very similar, which is why I got involved in lots of things as my nest was emptying.

missypie

Many of my interests tend to be solitary - sewing, reading, gardening, baking...those could lead to a very tiny world.

I'm also always on the lookout for a non-profit that actually wants my time/labor - it seems everyone just wants me to write a check or fundraise for them (encouraging others to write checks.)

BCEagle91

We were on video chat for a few hours last night.

My current goals are to lose a total of 70 pounds (a good ways there already). That's a goal that would keep most people busy. I also have more time to keep up with bills and paperwork and keep the house a little cleaner. And I have more time with my daughter.

MiamiDAP

I feel it is enough for me not to be solitary for 8 hours at work. I also feel that I need to be disconnected for few hours every day, so I do not carry cell, it stays in a car turned off. I have been exersicing for about 2 hours / day with kids at home or without. Congrats on loosing weight, I would love to loose, but I cannot focus on it.

jnrsmom

My, oh my, everyone....I feel I could respond to all of you individually on this thread and that I can relate to so much of what you are ALL saying and feeling right now. It IS good to know that we are not alone and I feel a connection to all of you, being able to express so openly how you are feeling.

When our son left for college 3 years ago (only 2 hours away) I cried all the way home and for days after. I went to a friends house and saw the pool and jacuzzi where my son spent so much time and just broke down. He is home with us this week, through Father's Day, then back to summer school. I am so happy he is here and am enjoying every minute with him (when he's not sleeping ..........)

Our daughter will be going to school 3,000 miles from home in August. I talk about how much I will miss her and feel that the EN is going to be unbearable, but won't really know what it feels like until it happens. I keep going over and over in my mind what it will be like saying good-bye and getting on the airplane to come home. I have NOT been sleeping more than 4 hours/night and can't stop projecting what it will feel like.

I have been teaching deaf children for 30 years and will continue my 3 days/week. I will go to the gym more, volunteer at the local hospital and do scrapbooking, which I love. I know I have things to keep me busy.....what worries me is to how to focus on those things and not on missing my two wonderful kids.

HImom

THe local libraries and hospitals are always looking for volunteers. Museums love having docents that are willing to learn & educate visitors. There are also many good non-profits that could use people such as meals on wheels and other projects.

MiamiDAP

HImom,
Not so in our area. It has always been very hard to get even volunteering positions in our area. Economy has always been really bad. But now it is practically impossible. D. used connections to get into volunteering at the hospitals last year, this year she will not even try - waste of time. I am glad I have a hobby that do not need to ask people for favors.

mominva

jnrsmom,
One thing that made it easier to leave the youngest at her school across the country was that we did not come straight home. H and I spent 2 nights in a nearby B&B before flying back. In our easy to trick minds, we were returning from a vacation...

AnudduhMom

MiamiDAP,
It is the same up here in the Northeast! You don't just offer to help and show up any more, you need to compete for those positions, submit credentials, get fingerprinted and a background check. While that is all fine and good, it does take some of the energy out of the process, and too, I'm not sure I like competing with all those college and high school kids who need work experience. They need to get their shot, and it's pretty tough right now.

Northstarmom is my new role model, and I'm going to keep rereading her inspirational posts.

Here's an idea: we should start a Parent Corps. Think about all the energy and experience we have with helping out our kids, and how many kids out there don't have that. It is really dismaying to see the lack of guidance in kids in my local school district. I have tried to start a group at our high school with other parents experienced in guiding their kids into college, but so far, not much oomph here locally. What do you guys think?

missypie

With all three kids gone on a trip, last night when I got home from work, we grilled steaks, swam some laps, then sat in the hot tub..when the kids were younger that would have seemed like heaven on earth...last night it just felt empty and pointless and self indulgent.

MiamiDAP

missypie,
I have done all of it on a regular daily basis with or without kids and/or grandkids, yeye - they are coming in few weeks to spend 3 weeks of their summer with us (at camp during day time).

Northstarmom

I just returned from my drawing class (cheap at the local community center) and from buying a pink Tina Turner wig for my upcoming community theater performance as a drag queen. I'm also keeping an eye on one of my bunnies who keeps trying to nibble the sofa. I'm glad that I'm no longer too chicken to do the things that I'm interested in doing even though I'm not perfect at them.

gadad

I'm willing to volunteer myself as a test case for you all. We have two daughters in college and a son at home who's a rising 10th-grader. D1 is on an internship in Brazil, D2 leaves for study abroad in Argentina this weekend, and S is headed out tomorrow to the national Boy Scout ranch in New Mexico for a two-week hike. All of us on CC have probably been uncommonly-involved parents; in our case, the life we knew at age 32 went on hold 20 years ago when D1 was born, and is still holding. This will be the longest period of time that we've been without any of our kids at home (frankly, I don't know if we've ever been 0 for 3), and it'll be a test run for the long-term empty nest three years from now. I have a suspicion that my wife and I will either be depressed or have a great time - nothing in between. Given that, Missypie, I'm not really encouraged to hear that the latter may seem pointless and self-indulgent. To fill the time, I'm kind of inclined to look up Northstarmom and go check her out in her drag queen role!

Montegut

Travel, travel, travel!

Unfortunately, I fear my empty nest time will be spent taking care of my mom, as I've always had to do, but in a more active way, as is our custom down south.

As her funds are near the end, I'll have to take her out of the assisted living facility, I'm using the very last penny there is to keep her there for one more year so I can enjoy my son's senior year in high school, but will undoubtedly have to bring her back to NOLA and perhaps get her into a low cost senior apartment, and go there myself every day to cook for her, bathe her, and provide the entertainment that I now have to pay 4K a month for.

These assisted living places are TOO good. I don't mean to sound heartless when saying this, but in the old days, when your elders went into a home, they only lasted a couple of years at the most. If you are thinking of moving an elder parent to an assisted living facility, thinking you'll only be paying that exorbitant expense for a couple of years, think again. My mother has been in one for almost four years now, and she looks better now than she ever did living at home. Don't get me wrong, I am very happy she is doing so well. I just don't have a bottomless pit to keep paying for it. And the rent just went up another 400 a month!

missypie

Montegut, your reward will be in heaven. I just don't know if I have it in me to do that.