TNMom2Three

First let me say to Lkf725 that I am very sorry for the loss of your husband. I can't imagine how hard that would be while your children are leaving for their own lives. I have a sample of that truly empty nest in that my husband works offshore for 28 days on and 14 days off and when my last child leaves, I will be alone. With my older two married, I've already remodeled their two bedrooms, but the last child's bedroom will remain the same...he's a homebody and I'm hoping the comforts of home will entice him on school breaks. My husband has a different aspect on this because he spends so much of his time away already, he is okay with the empty nest. However, these kids have been my world and my reason to get through the days. I work full time but they have been my joy. This is a chapter that I don't want to close, but I know they have to grow up....and out of my arms. Missypie, I understand when you just feel "out of sorts" when they are gone, even for a trip. As someone said, it's much like the loss of a romantic relationship, except in the fact that most people move on an find another love...you just can't replace your kids.

Wow, I am really glad I started this thread and feel a little more normal now. And Zebes...I can understand completely about the Kevlar....I'm thinking "my poor husband"...

Northstarmom

"As someone said, it's much like the loss of a romantic relationship, except in the fact that most people move on an find another love...you just can't replace your kids. "

Yeah. My 2 bunnies take some of my time, but they don't take the space in my heart that my sons have. But it is nice to have the bunnies greet me when I come home even though they're only hoping for a treat.

gladmom

jnrsmom, I hear you saying that you are in real pain. Sleeping only 4 hours a night can only go on so long before you become physically compromised because of it. If it goes on much longer, you might want to consider some help from a mental health care professional to assist you through this tough time you are having.

I have had an empty nest this year, with my S in school 2,000 miles away and my D living on her own and going to school 30 miles away. Yes, I see her pretty often, and I love that, but our relationship is difficult due to her mental health issues and my time with her is not exactly relaxing.

My S, however, who just finished his freshman year in college, and I are very close, and I was worried a bit that I'd be missing him terribly. It turned out, though, that he calls almost every day. He is staying for summer school without coming home after spring quarter, due mostly to financial considerations, but going the last 6 months without seeing him has been easy because we talk so frequently. Today he told me all about how he is moving into his summer dorm tonight, and how he has been helping people move, and what he is cooking for dinner - since he chose not to have a meal plan this summer - and what his grades are, and on and on. I talk more to him now than I did when he was at home!

So I still have all the advantages of our mother-son relationship but without the extra laundry and dirty bathroom stuff. I am enjoying every minute of my life with no kids in the house, and in fact I don't have time for everything that I'd like to do. If I miss anyone, I just pick up the phone or shoot off an email. It has been so much easier than I expected.

morandi

i'll admit to not having read this thread for many days. but as someone who is soon to have an empty nest--and a single parent--i must share that since S1 went off to school, two years ago, our relationship has matured and expanded in wonderful ways. we have talked over the phone (he's 1,500 miles away) two to three times a week (and i'm a recluse) and emailed as much. he often contacts me after a class or significant discovery and i've been thrilled to find out that all this previous blood, sweat, and tears involved with raising him has produced a pleasant surprise in new dialogue. i get to experience him growing up from afar and rejoice in his successes, while sharing in his failures. no more lectures--just sharing. it's quite, and unexpectedly, wonderful to expand beyond my experiences with my parents. now S2 is heading off. he's upstairs now cleaning his room and getting rid of stuff accumulated over the years in order to pare down for college. it's sad and encouraging at the same time. i enjoy seeing them evolve.

MiamiDAP

Montegut,
I love to travel. Here is my dilemma thoug. How I can pay for it? And I have only 2 weeks vacation. I love to be in luxurious accomodations with everything included, since i do not see myself being on vacation and living in worse conditions than at home. We just paid few thousands $$ for D's one month trip to New Zealand. They lived primarily in huts and such (sometime in cheap hotels) and ate mostly some packed food. This travel is not for me. 10 days vacation in Hawaii is about $10,000 and it does not even include food and excursions. We decided not to go on vacation this year at all, since I did not get my bonus as most places do not pay bonuses this year. Travel is nice but not affordable ($$-wise and time-wise) option for most of us.

missypie

I guess travel can get less expensive if you don't have to travel with the school calendar...traveling to Europe a few years ago, the ticket price traveling in March was about a third of what it was in July. And renting a flat for a week or two costs a lot less than a hotel But it is still a pricey proposition.

When you add the suggestion of "get a job" or "work full time" to the empty nest solutions, the new hires are typically the ones with very little vacation time...so just when you can travel, you can't travel.

MiamiDAP

I have always worked full time. However, because we are living in one of the worst area in a country in terms of economy, I have lost other 8 jobs and never had more than 2 weeks of vacation. We have always gone to nice vacations though, so I am used to be in nice places. I do not care to go to Europe either - at least while I work. Just want to be on a beach, snorkeling and painitng pottery and visiting buffet and having drinks - expensive. But again, I have only 2 weeks. Other than that home is way too nice with awesome pool, nice gym, parks close by, which are very hard to leave behind. But I do like to travel and hope doing more in a future.

missypie

I hear ya. I want a vacation to be a vacation. My inlaws have a lake house in a beautiful location...but no a/c, no dishwasher, no pool, only one bathroom and with a tub (no shower)...home is much more pleasant.

Northstarmom

You don't have to travel across the ocean to have a nice vacation. You can take a long weekend a couple of hours from home. That can be a treat.

MiamiDAP

I know some people like that just to get away. When I am away, I miss my house, unless I am at awesome place with ocean smell.

tunagoddess

Shout out to Iamsoconfused (Post 21) and to AnudduhMom (Post 84) - The pro-bono counseling idea and the Parent Corps idea are wonderfully interesting. Are you going to pursue these ideas? How?

toneranger

I guess I have a broader definition of travel...for us it doesn't necessarily include an overnight trip. There's lots of places within a 2 hour drive here that are worth visiting.
We've biked on rail trails, visited the shore, toured historic sites, and went on hikes in the forest. We'll also do cheap overnights at a bed and breakfast...certainly not slumming it but easy on the budget. We visited Falling Water a couple of weeks ago...what a treasure. Went to NYC and did the Circle Line Tour. Went to AC and saw a comedy show. Soaked in mineral waters in a nearby art town. For us, it doesn't need to be a week at a fancy beach. And it's a load of fun...although I don't expect all would agree. It helps that I like playing travel agent!

missypie

As you travel west, there are considerbly fewer places within a two hour drive worth visiting! However, an advantage to traveling without kids is that you don't have to go places "where there's a lot for kids to do." I could easily spend a weekend on the porch or balcony of a lovely place reading a good book.

PackMom

Toneranger, those are exactly the kind of trips DH and I enjoy.
We love going to festivals of various types in different areas of our state that we can do in a day. Last weekend we went to the Blue Ridge BBQ and Music Festival. Admission price $6. Although, we did spend more on all the BBQ!

We already have a 4th of July day trip planned to the Red,White and Bluegrass Festival. Tickets $10.
We went last year and loved it. Less than two hours fr. home. Any Cherryholmes fans out there?

MiamiDAP

Toneranger,
I visit NYC every year for about 1 week. I hate the place, but that is where my S's family is and we certainly happy to see them. We visit museums, go to Broadway shows, but I would not have gone there more than once if it was not for family, do not like NYC or any big city, not relaxing at all. I love to go to my local museum, would do it every weekend and we do it much more often than most others. That is one of my favorite entertaiment. Sometime we go further, like couple hours to drive, but it is getting harder, since we both tend to get very sleepy behind the wheel, dangerous.