why do adults seem to be passionless and uncurious? - Page 3

Kei-o-lei · 06-28-2009, 10:17 PM

Some parents have a hard time learning how to relate to their independent child. I think your mom may be one of them.

ALL parents have a hard time learning how to relate to their independent child. We learn to do that at different speeds, just like your friends become independent at different times.

The thing that has tripped me up since kids' babyhoods was this: just as soon as I get used to relating to the child on the child's terms, she goes and changes and I have to learn all over again :-) I think that's what's happened to your mom; she hasn't yet learned that you've been continuing to change and she's still relating to you as you were 6 months or a year ago, in part because she doesn't see the changes happening day to day.

Pick your topics, pick your spots, and trust that she will come around. What you are describing is a function of how EACH of you are acting, nor just her, so be judicious and interesting . . . then hang up before the conversation goes on too long :-)

galoisien · 06-28-2009, 10:19 PM

Quote:

Hello neighbor in southern Maine! It's funny, I have to say I sometimes have the same impression of YOUR generation --

-- Where is the activism about the situation in Iraq among your generation? We were the "Hell no we won't go" generation. We tried to change the world. Have you?
-- Did you vote in the last election? work on the campaigns? go door-to-door? (I have to say, the only "kids" working in the election offices where I worked in southern Maine were only doing it for school credit, not because of passion)
-- Did you stand up against racism, go to Standish and protest the anti-Obama mess there last winter? Did you go to Bonny Eagle recently, did you write letters, did you protest against injustice in the school graduation?
-- Have you worked hard to make life better here in Maine? Have you volunteered to clean the beaches? Have you showed your passion for your state, your oceans, wilderness, wetlands? Are you Rachel Carson, Jr.?
-- Have you helped the elderly, children, homeless, the abused and battered women, refugees from places like Somalia (plenty of them work at Maine Mall)?

If you can talk about your involvement in these and so many other ways, we can have a conversation, because otherwise I am too busy with my passions and interests (as are my kids, and they don't judge me so harshly), which include studying for the Praxis (the SAT all over again) to be able to work in schools helping kids in Maine position themselves for the future.

Remind me again, you said my generation is "passionless"?

Dude, I'm not a citizen. I can't afford the 580 dollars (or whatever it is now) to take the citizenship exam. Maybe next year, or when I graduate ... so no voting for me.

I dunno about you, but the kids I know working in school offices were extremely dedicated kids who cared about their party. But I don't really believe in the political system -- I'm a social libertarian and prefer grassroots / social activism, not regulation. I don't think you can change social attitudes through fiat or the legislature, or even by picketing. There is this fable about a guy with a coat, the Wind and the Sun...

I haven't been to Maine in over a year. I think I'm moving to Virginia. Maine is not exactly a cosmopolitan place -- and I can't change it by myself. Northern Virginia seems much more promising in the multicultural aspect. I knew many Somali schoolmates in high school -- I tutored some of them, and one of them became my good friends. A marginalized group with lots of social barriers. There was this huge wall that was hard to break and of course the school administration kept mum about the elephant in the room. I did write plenty about it (w00t! blogging!) ... I sent two entries to the magazine that year, only one was approved. The one that got denied didn't really like my criticism of monocultural attitudes in the school I guess.

Of course, when you talked to South Portland parents, none of them really cared.

LongPrime · 06-28-2009, 11:33 PM

Original Post.

You: Is there a difference between vanilla and vanillin?
Parents: Yes.
You: Is the cost difference great enough to affect the recipe?
Parent: Its not the cost but the flavor difference.
You: But I'm trying to economize.
Parent: Good for you.
You: Is the flavor difference that great?
Parent: Yes.
You: What is the difference?
Parent: Hard to discribe. Best that you buy one of each, and taste the difference.
You: But that means I have to buy two bottles.
Parent: [sigh]

There are some things you can't teach.

Pizzagirl · 06-28-2009, 11:56 PM

Quote:

Jonrie, there's a big, big difference between taking the time to write a letter to your mom and ... asking her to check out your blog and Facebook page, where you've spewed every random thought that pops into your head. The former is a kind of outreach that says you're thinking about the other person. The latter is a self-centered activity that says you expect the other person to be thinking about you.

Yes. Exactly. Galoisien, your attitude seems to be, "Well, if I find it interesting, why wouldn't she?"

I think it's actually very insightful that she does talk about things that interest her -- office politics and the cities she travels to -- but, well, they don't interest you, so if something doesn't interest you, by definition it must not be interesting.

Shrinkrap · 06-29-2009, 12:00 AM

Hey OP! Aren't you the one who was cooking turkey leg congee over the holidays? That was fun! No way my kids would share my interest in making congee. Thank God for the internet!

Pizzagirl · 06-29-2009, 12:11 AM

Fine, Galoisien, I'll pick a more recent example ... you were interested in trying:

"MSG with cupcakes
MSG with coffee (without milk and sugar, and with milk and sugar)
MSG with green tea
MSG with garlic bread (since the taste MSG is enhanced by garlic compounds?)
MSG with toasted cumin and tamarind"

Honestly, if my son were telling me about that and expecting me to find it interesting, I'd be giving them the ol' "uh-huh" "that's nice, dear" and hoping that the conversation would turn to something more interesting. It's about as interesting to me as the Pokemon cards were when he was five years old. I'd be glad for his enthusiasm in learning, but the subject matter? Bo-ring except maybe to someone else interested in food science / chemistry.

Consolation · 06-29-2009, 12:21 AM

Actually, I think that I display a lot more passion and curiosity than my kid.

Or than the OP, for that matter.

galoisien · 06-29-2009, 12:29 AM

lol LongPrime I never attributed recipe impact to cost difference, but rather I was trying to calculate utility per unit cost.

Re: vanillin -- after some experimenting I think bare vanillin is decent. I can see where the accessory compounds would be handy, though. I wouldn't say that the effect of natural vanilla is "hard to describe" either. Perhaps they activate receptors that inhibit the unpleasant side effects of pure vanillin.

PizzaGirl: I dunno, the whole prospect of exploring a poorly-researched (or poorly publicised) new dimension of taste would seem kind of interesting. I find office politics a curiosity too -- but that's not all I would want to hear.

Northstarmom · 06-29-2009, 12:29 AM

OP, some of the many threads that you've started on CC are on subjects that I find to be boring: MSG, Vanilla, why people want biological children. I also saw a post in which you complained that your mom wasn't interested in talking in depth about your college essays. From what I've seen, many students don't want to talk to their parents about their essays because the students want to write something that is independent of their parent's perspective.

I agree with people that if you're hoping your mom will hang onto your every random thought, that's not likely and could reflect a self centeredness that is causing adults to not be that interested in talking to you or in sharing their perspectives on things they care about.

emeraldkity4 · 06-29-2009, 12:30 AM

Pizzagirl, did you know Pokemon is still a phenomenon in some circles?
A teacher in a school where I was volunteering, was using them to - reward- the students for various things.
I was surprised- I thought those were so '90s

I will admit that the detail of questions that the OP asks, are puzzling to my train of thought, because they are really questions to which personal preference matters most after the technical details are recieved.

I mean if one thing doesn't turn out the way you want it, one time, then change it the next.
It is not that BFD.

Youdon'tsay · 06-29-2009, 12:30 AM

OK, I just read the title and wasn't curious enough and lacked the passion to see whether anyone else posted the Mark Twain saw, but it seems like it applies here.

emeraldkity4 · 06-29-2009, 12:34 AM

yes it has been posted

This behavior is an adaptive trait.
theculturalconnect.com | A Nation of Narcissists

galoisien · 06-29-2009, 12:43 AM

Quote:

I agree with people that if you're hoping your mom will hang onto your every random thought

Of course not. But she hasn't even seen either fb or blogging once. My sister and I do both regularly, and my mother's pretty tech-savvy (though not internet forum savvy).

She has never heard me speak about neurobio, linguistics (except for matters of Chinese or Singlish, and then the level of discussion is like what you would talk about to a Singapore taxi driver) or any of the topics I study. Zero. She has never seen my schoolwork, a single essay, or a single creative piece I have written.

And YET she wants to lecture me on how to write a personal statement or things she learnt 30 years ago about various correspondences when she doesn't bother to look at my writing. And when I turn off and decline her advice (since it's so generalised and unhelpful), or decline to hear a long remark or "tip" on something I could easily google, she takes offence.

Yeah but enough about my mother -- I mean, to me it's more of a fact of life and I love her anyway. But I observe the same thing with adults in general, and so have my friends about their parents, and hence, even people who have studied at the London School of Economics or people at highly successful financial or IT positions. It's funny to find out from a teacher that, "wow you were into X when you were younger?" and you try to talk to them about it and they just shrug and make a remark about how it was decades ago...

hyperJulie · 06-29-2009, 01:03 AM

"It's funny to find out from a teacher that, "wow you were into X when you were younger?" and you try to talk to them about it and they just shrug and make a remark about how it was decades ago..."

I was so into Sailor Moon when I was younger but I can't even remember the name of the villain anymore. The fact that they USED to be into it is the telling thing.

I had a high school teacher who was quite into the feminist movement in her day, but was not really interested in talking about it more than in passing. However, a single comment on the old english on the chalkboard, intended for a different class, caused an entire period's diversion on the origins of modern english, including readings from Beowulf and the Canterbury Tales. Some found it fascinating, but others who weren't so much into language were just wishing we could return to our discussion of Oedipus.

Just because someone's passion isn't obvious doesn't mean he or she doesn't have one. I think the main difference is that, unlike yourself, adults have the discretion to recognize that many will be bored to tears by pedantic lectures about what they personally find fascinating.

Pizzagirl · 06-29-2009, 01:13 AM

Quote:

Hey OP! Aren't you the one who was cooking turkey leg congee over the holidays? That was fun! No way my kids would share my interest in making congee. Thank God for the internet!

Galoisien, this is a perfect example. You draw out something that's simple - making a darn recipe - into gobs and gobs of detail over the most minute of aspects, you assume that everyone finds the mechanics of food chemistry utterly fascinating -- it's pedantic and boring. Instead of assuming that "other people are incurious," you might want to take a look at yourself. Honestly, your excruciating attention to the most banal of details doesn't make me want to learn more about what you're talking about -- it turns me off.