NY Times article: "My Son's Gamble"

HeliMomNYC · 07-03-2009, 03:25 AM

About the author's son's addiction to online poker while in college and beyond. Well worth reading.

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/06/28/ma...8Poker-t.html?

sueinphilly · 07-03-2009, 07:24 AM

I read that yesterday! Interesting story and proof that a kid is going to do what a kid is going to do. I would have done the same snooping as this mom did as first. She then did what the HARDEST thing a parent can possibly do, she LET GO and let the kid do their thing. Who knows where and how their story will end (ie how long the poker thing will go on)

but I commend the mom for coming to terms that her kid was in control of his own life and she let go, in spite of herself and what she thought was the right thing to do

sunnyflorida · 07-03-2009, 10:10 AM

Wow. Quite a story. Not exactly a happy ending, but not a tragic one either. But only because his addiction to poker is profitable. I would love to read a 5 year update down the road.

starryskye · 07-03-2009, 10:35 AM

I read that story earlier this week and took from it that in the end we must let go of our kids or else we will lose them forever. Startling to read about the penny jar and blackjack as a way of teaching math.Reminded me of that electronic toy we used long ago Twist and Shout.Wish there was a Twist and Shout for standardized testing!

purpleflurp · 07-03-2009, 04:13 PM

I think this story is pretty tragic even if the son is managing to make his way for the moment. The fact is that this kid is an addict--a poker addict. And like all addictions, his gambling addiction will most likely lead to great heartache down the line for him and also for his family.

Just because this kid is making money from his addiction does not make it a positive thing. You can make money from lots of illegal and unethical and addictive things. The money does not in and of itself justify the behavior.

I would never just cut my kid loose or "let him go" if he were suffering from this type of addiction (and had given up his education and his sport for it). In fact, I would continue to try to support him and encourage him into a recovery program.

I know these young gamblers think they are invincible and that their "skills" will always put them on top. But the sad truth is that it could all fall through in an instant, and this is no way to work toward a solid, stable life. All in all, a very sad story, especially if the mother settles for justifying this damaging behavior or believing the kid's rationalizations for his addiction.

NYMomof2 · 07-03-2009, 04:18 PM

I agree with purpleflurp. I read the story last week, and so did my 16-year-old son. He was outraged that the mother had "stolen" the password and spied on him. I told him that I saw her as a good mother doing her best to help a child with problems. DS saw the online poker path as legitimate, because the young man was able to support himself that way. I disagreed. We had an interesting discussion, but I don't think he found my arguments persuasive. (Or, at least, he did not admit that he did!)

Oh, and my son refused to accept the "addiction" part of it, because there was no physical addiction.

BP-TheGuy88 · 07-03-2009, 05:07 PM

Read it, didn't really see the point to it. The guy is making money. Who cares? He's going to screw up down the road, but hopefully he saves some of that money for when that time comes that he can no longer play because there are others who are better. Reminds me of the movie Rounders with Matt Damon and Edward Norton. I'm a firm believer that people learn from making their own stupid mistakes. Warning them won't do anything.

MomofWildChild · 07-03-2009, 05:12 PM

purpleflurp- There was nothing more this mother could do. The kid is a young adult and made his own decisions. It is what it is. Yes, it is addictive behavior, but the mother can not change it. The kid is going to have to hit bottom on his own or realize that at some point in life he will need more of an education. You are speaking from the viewpoint of someone who has never been faced with such issues. "encourage him into a recovery program"..... yeah, let me know how that works out.
A lot of young adults are day-trading stocks. Another form of addiction??

purpleflurp · 07-03-2009, 07:30 PM

"purpleflurp- There was nothing more this mother could do."

I have not experienced this type of addiction, but I can say that the mom in the story (by her own admission if you read the story) is rationalizing her son's behavior in the same way that NYMomof2's son is and she isn't. The son has a gambling addiction problem. If the mom rationalizes it away as his business because he is a grown son, then he will think it's just another adult "decision" and not the addictive behavior it is.

cptofthehouse · 07-03-2009, 07:50 PM

It's a tough situation and I really can empathize with the mom. Though my sons are not gambling addicts, I could pull threads out of her story that are similar to episodes in my life with my kids. What to do, what to say when our kids enter a world that we know is fraught with all kind of dangers?

I find when I am looking for gifts for my kids, I avoid anything to do with contraband and risky behavior. I am scared to contribute to any affinity to those activities.

MomofWildChild · 07-03-2009, 08:29 PM

There is a fine line between rationalizing and realizing there isn't a damn thing you can do about something. If putting a tiny positive spin on it helps this woman get through the day, then more power to her. I also don't have a gambling addict or a computer games addict in the family, but there are things in the woman's story to which I can relate. I hear her loud and clear that she is powerless to change his behavior.

purpleflurp · 07-04-2009, 12:35 AM

"If putting a tiny positive spin on it helps this woman get through the day, then more power to her.

That is why denial is such a great and often used defense mechanism.

molliebatmit · 07-04-2009, 09:02 AM

Quote:

Oh, and my son refused to accept the "addiction" part of it, because there was no physical addiction.

Oh, there's a physical addiction. Any addiction, whether to chemicals or not, plays on the same reward pathways in the human brain. If you scanned the brain of the gambling addict in this story in response to gambling, it would look basically the same as the brain of a cocaine addict would in response to cocaine.

cptofthehouse · 07-04-2009, 11:54 AM

The young man is an adult and self sufficient. He has chosen this path. I can see why the mom is not happy with it; I would not be either, but it is his choice.

There are vices far more deadly and kids in situations far more dire in gambling. Hopefully, this young man will take his talents and focus them elsewhere if the gambling becomes a problematic.

pinkslip · 07-29-2009, 06:40 PM

what people don't get is the rewards that poker can bring. sure, in 10 years from now, this probably won't still be going on, but if he could make 200k for the next 10 years, his overall decision is +EV. not many people will ever make that kind of money