I want to hit my MIL with a baseball bat!

bulletandpima · 09-01-2009, 10:39 PM

I don't know how to even start this, so here goes.

My MIL who will be 71, never has had a colon check, and now today Bullet had to sit there in a waiting room while she was operated on because they found something since she was experiencing pain.

I am so angry at her for not getting tested. I know it is a degrading procedure, but my Mom who is 71 has done this every couple of yrs since she turned 60.

We are both besides ourselves, his parents have been married for 53 yrs. Had she done the test, we would not be talking about radiation.

I know I am horrible for saying I want to hit her, but I honestly do. This is a women who only had her 1st mam at 67, even though her mother died of breast cancer and her sister had a double mastectomy.

It is weird, and sad, because we have had our differences, but for Bullet, I am crying that I can't be there with him, since I know exactly what he is going through.

Lesson to be learned for all of us, no matter how degrading the test is, do it, because it can make a difference.

Thanks for letting me vent!

aibarr · 09-01-2009, 10:45 PM

Oh no... Really, colonoscopies are not bad... The prep is really the worst part, and Vaseline and Charmin Aloe help. Nothing degrading happens while you're conscious, at least, not outside of the privacy of your own home bathroom.

Pima, sending strength and hope that everything turns out okay. Hugs to you and Bullet.

Youdon'tsay · 09-01-2009, 10:46 PM

My father is the same way. 81 and refuses to do a colonoscopy.

Best wishes for a good result.

NewHope33 · 09-01-2009, 10:49 PM

Sorry for all the (avoidable) aggravation. Wish I could make it better. Good luck with the MIL.

Onward · 09-01-2009, 10:49 PM

Sorry your family has to go through this. It is a good lesson for the rest of us. My husband and I both got one done this summer. Not much too it and not degrading at all. As aibarr said, the worst is the prep (running to the bathroom for a few hours). I slept through the procedure and my husband watched the monitor. Not much to ask to avoid what your family is going through. My thoughts are with you.

Schmoomcgoo · 09-01-2009, 10:50 PM

BandP that really stinks. I hope it turns out okay.

Also, lesson duly noted. Thanks for the kick in the...er...well, "the reminder", that is.

Shrinkrap · 09-01-2009, 10:53 PM

Ugh....I hope it turns out okay, and I'll keep your story in mind. I turned 50 two months ago, and I've started to get automated calls from my insurance company about a "sensitive issue".

bulletandpima · 09-01-2009, 10:58 PM

^^^ That's just them calling to find out if you signed up with AARP...sorry I need some levity right now.

Bullet called and he said the doc placed markers in her for radiation...taking that is not a good sign.

The surgeon also refused to answer any direct questions about if it spread. I told him that is because he was protecting himself and waiting for biopsy results.

I guess I know how he felt watching me walk through this 16 yrs ago with my Dad. Maybe that is why my Mom is so anal on getting her tests done, because she knows she is all I have left.

Thanks for your well wishes.

aibarr · 09-01-2009, 11:01 PM

Quote:

Maybe that is why my Mom is so anal on getting her tests done

.....trying not to say anything.... trying not to say anything....

So sorry about the radiation markers, but it's very possible that they haven't even done the biopsies yet. Hopefully it's still nothing...

bulletandpima · 09-01-2009, 11:03 PM

I know...again LEVITY!

swimcatsmom · 09-01-2009, 11:05 PM

Gosh I do know how you feel. My Mum also never had one until she started having symptoms at 84 and even then it was months before she went to the doctor, and it turned out she had cancer. Luckily even though she had 2 largish tumors they had not gone outside the bowel at all.

And recently my Mum was having eye problems when I was visiting the UK this summer and I could not get her to go to the eye doctors and she got really annoyed when I tried. I had been there 4 weeks when we were having lunch out one day and she told me about a new eye problem and I marched her to the optician who saw her immediately and sent her straight to an emergency eye hospital. But the damage was done and they cannot fix it. Going earlier may not have made a difference but we will always wonder.

So frustrating and I was torn between feeling really sad and helpless and annoyed at the same time. I think part of the annoyance was at myself because I had not insisted but I also know I can't force her to go. You know when they talk about that role reversal thing they forget to mention how it is much harder to 'parent your parent' because you are without the authority you have over a child where you can make them go to the doctor.

I do hope it all turns out ok.

teriwtt · 09-01-2009, 11:07 PM

bulletandpima - I've run into this many times in my job, so I hope to reassure you that you're not alone. However, I was aghast when I discovered it in my own family last spring. My 57-year old sister-in-law was diagnosed with cancer - stage 4 - that was in the liver. Of course, at 57 years old and relatively healthy otherwise, they tried aggressive treatment, but she only lived for a couple of months after diagnosis.

I've known her for 25 years, but after her death I found out things about her that totally blew my mind away. She'd been a closet smoker (really, I'd been in their house many times, even slept there) and I never knew it (neither did the rest of the family until they saw her in the hospital with a big 'ole nicotine patch on her). Also, she NEVER went to the doctor for anything... anything. Never went to the gyne, never had a mammo, etc. They were childless, but obviously they used birth control that didn't require a written prescription. From what I was told, it was her co-workers that noticed something was wrong with her... she lost about 20 lbs. in the course of a few short weeks (she was very appropriately proportioned to begin with... not skinny, not fat), so they called my brother and told him he needed to force her to see a doctor. Well, for all those years that she avoided the doctor, she made up for it in her last two months - and it didn't need to be that way. Her parents are now childless, as her only sister died about ten years ago due to diabetes complications.

As someone who religiously follows up with my own physician(s), I also don't understand why people avoid this. From the stories I've heard, it usually stems from some horrible horror story they heard, or were the victim of, sometime in their younger years (and many times their families don't even know about it). There's usually no amount of cajoling, begging, pleading to get them to change their tune. Unfortunately, it then means the family is forced to pick up the pieces when things do go bad.

My own in-laws were this way, but they had their own self-destructive behaviors that they didn't want to be lectured on from any doctor. They both died in their mid to late 60's. Just in the past month I've been constantly reminding my husband of the kind of example his parents set for him, and pleading with him to not follow their example. Can't remember when was the last time he saw a doctor for a check-up, but his place of employment provides a yearly physical. He had some bloodwork come back slightly off, and it seems like each test reveals something else off, leading to further tests. But he IS following up as I have pounded into his brain that it's not fair to our children to have something go wrong at such a young age. They deserve to have their father around to walk them down the aisle.

I feel for you.

Shrinkrap · 09-01-2009, 11:11 PM

"^^^ That's just them calling to find out if you signed up with AARP...sorry I need some levity right now."

If levity helps, I am happy to be part of it!

But seriously, this automated voice, complete with sympathetic pauses, led me through this whole interview about why I hadn't gotten a colonoscopy yet! I have been fifty for less than 90 days!

Why would they care about AARP? should I sign up?? New thread imbue?

dragonmom · 09-01-2009, 11:13 PM

Fingers crossed for the best for your MIL.
I had one - don't remember a thing after the prep. I think more people need to realize that the test is also treatment... if they find a polyp they remove it and removal of the polyps means they won't turn cancerous. Kind of like going in and having a bunch of moles removed (except you spent the night before in the bathroom...)
And on the subject of "prep", I have friends who have spent money and bragged about going to a spa for an herbal "cleanse" to jump start a diet.... um, go ahead and do that with your doctor - insurance will pay, you get any suspicious bits clipped off and you get really, really "cleansed".

bulletandpima · 09-01-2009, 11:19 PM

Luckily Bullet was in the military for 20 yrs and required as a flyer to get yrly exams, now with this I am going to remind him that it has been 18 mos since his last physical. We have an excellent health insurance plan with Aetna so I will be pushing it.

The strange thing is we always saw her as the picture of health. His Dad has hada quadruple bypass with a pig valve.

I can't express how badly I want to be in NJ with him right now to just hold and comfort him. He is being very stoic for his folks and worrying about us back here b/ I got a flat tire and had to change it when I picked up DS2 from football practice. The last thing he said was I might not be home tomorrow night for DS's 1st game. He is torn between being a Dad and a son. I told him not to worry, there will be more games since DS2 is only in 10th and that he needs to be there right now with his Dad.

I feel so helpless because I am so far away.