Youdon'tsay

This is depressing to think about.

I remember when a former co-worker died, I was the ONLY one from the office who went to the funeral. I don't know why no one else went. He was a great guy, a curmudgeon in a good way. I was very disappointed in my former co-workers. Jerks.

owlice

I'll be lucky* if I'm found before the cats have devoured my corporal self and to have more than five people at the funeral, assuming there's a funeral. This is in contrast to my younger brother, whose funeral was in a large space yet packed to overflowing, flowers everywhere (as in, trailing out into other rooms, even, out in the hallway and foyer), and at which a Congressman spoke.

Add me to the "small life" category, please.

This reminds me of an episode of "Desperate Housewives," in which a handyman, a humble quiet man, had tons of people at his funeral, because he had in his own quiet way touched so many lives so positively.


* Actually, I won't care, because I'll be dead, but it'd probably disturb anyone who found me if I'd been chewed on by hungry cats!

missypie

I didn't mean it to be depressing. It just that when a person passes on in the prime of life, it's a good time to reflect on one's own life. Am I doing what I need to be doing in life? Am I a good friend? Could I be doing more to help others? (It may be sexist of me to say, but I think moms without household help have it a bit harder than dads. It's hard to chair the charity ball when you're up to your eyeballs in college applications, laundry, etc.)

worknprogress

Okay - lighthearted note here.

Several years ago, one of my dearest friends and I attended the funeral of her ex-husband. He was someone who had achieved professional success, but was on his third marriage. At one point in the service, the minister offered an opportunity for people to share a memory of Dr. X.

Well, some colleagues came up, one of his newer step kids, etc., and then a young, very attractive female patient. First she spoke of him with great reverence as Dr. X, then Dr. first name, then as she gushed on he became just "first name."

Fortunately, ex-wife and I were seated well in the back of the church, because til she finished we were convulsed with laughter and established our firm rule for either of our services -NO OPEN MIKES!

owlice

sybbie, this is a good point. I have known several people primarily through the web who died, and knowing them changed my life. I still think of them often -- indeed, one of them, I think of every day! -- miss them, and am grateful for their friendship and influence. I couldn't quite swing the time to attend one man's funeral, which was in another country, though I did seriously consider it, and the other had a small private service.

missypie

LOL, worknprogress. My dad was a social worker and years ago attended the funeral of one of his "clients." The deceased had two ex-wives, a current wife and a mistress all boo-hooing loudly around his coffin. I guess some guys just have it...

bookiemom

You pose an interesting question, missypie. I am struggling lately with how "small" my life circle has become in the last couple of years. My mom (retired teacher) and one of my sisters (very social, old-fashioned neighborhood) have very large circles around them, and the contrast with my life is staggering sometimes. I have some health issues, my professional work (i work freelance from home) has dwindled, and my only D is 1,500 miles away in grad school. Most of my friends work full-time. I keep seeing various circles I belong to, or used to be successful in, shrinking and I feel less connected to the world in general. It's quite depressing to me. Both my sisters have very successful careers, but I do not. I really enjoyed working part-time from home when my D was here and still in school, but now that we have an "empty nest," I see the other side of it. I think that maintaining your career as a woman probably helps you to have a "larger" life. I keep looking back in my life and thinking I should have made different choices so that I would now have more in my life.

There would be people at my funeral but nothing at all like my sister, mother, or husband.

MiamiDAP

I hope my kids and grandkids will remember me when I am gone. I do not care about living large life and being remembered by a lot of people. If person is remembered for being a loving parent, the life is served its purpose in my mind.

somemom

I recall attending the funeral of a friend who died young and who was very involved in creating a sport league, coaching etc. Hundreds & hundreds of people of all ages turned out. Ever since I left that town, where I had been well-known and had been extremely involved, I wonder about that, too.

I, too, am self-employed, work from home, and have a smaller life. In my old town, I had had a store front business, was involved in politics, schools, sports, charity work, church, and had a wide social circle, plus all the people who we knew through our kids growing up.

I feel somewhat lazy now, you know? Been there, done that with all the various volunteering and I guess I don't want to work that hard in a new place. I feel like I don't want to start over to do what I did before. I am involved and I am volunteering, but even that has a less public face just by happenstance.

The other thing I think about is that I am intrigued by the thought of how many friends & had and people I knew in my old town, and yet now, several years later, how few i ma in touch with. Makes me wonder how significant were those relationships!?

lololu

Do not be so sure that you live a small life -- no of us can know if and how we touch others' lives. My father lead what appeared to be a small life, he worked at home at a time when almost no men did, he thought there was not single person in the world he wanted to talk to as much as his wife and kids, the highlight of his day was often a trip to the grocery store or a walk to the library. He did not have close personal friends and was not very fond of his siblings. He was a happy man, but not a man of prestige.

But when he died -- oh my. The visitation took hours , the church was overflowing. We found out later they closed the public library for the morning because all the librarians wanted to come to the funeral (This was not a small town library, but a city library). We saw people we had not seen in ages. My third grade teacher, our pediatrician, old neighbors from thirty years ago, the man who reads the gas meter, old classmates that none of us kids had heard from in years. Everyone with a story, people kept telling us how much he meant to them in very personal ways. It was stunning. (The gas man wept in the church so hard my brother had to help him out. It turned out that when he would come to the house to read the meter he and my dad would have lunch together and talk about the world. None of us knew this).

So while you may think you have a small life, do not be so sure.

musicamusica

My DH does meals on wheels a few times a week and has very warm and loving relationships with his elderly clients. He has been called in the middle of the night by some for aid and comfort. He has left his bed more than once, to answer a call for help. It is almost certain that he will outlive these people and also certain that none of them will attend his funeral service. Is a potential smaller crowd really an indicator on how many people you have affected in a wonderful way?

Youdon'tsay

That's sweet, lololu.

somemom

"Some couples we just don't like much as we get to know them well (they probably think the same thing about us!)"

MP- YES! I feel this, too. The nice woman I exercise with and talk with who on evening get togethers drinks to get drunk; the friendly mom I meet in a classroom volunteer situation who ends up being a vicious gossip; the woman who is so fun & friendly one on one who becomes a Danielle Steele like name dropper in situations with more than just the two of us. And so often, the situation when you like one member of the couples, but the other one, not so much! Oh, and then the friends who are divorcing and changing their focus for socialising.

PRJ

my mom lived a "small life". she died at a relatively young age (68) and I was stunned by the number of people who came to her funeral. she was quietly kind, caring and generous, and had evidently touched many more lives than we, her family, were aware. so missypie, I wouldn't measure the size of your life just by the number of names in your address book; you are undoubtedly touching many more. especially here on CC. like LTS did - talk about a virtual funeral!

ADad

I volunteer as a tutor at a youth shelter and I listen on a suicide/crisis hotline. These activities are small in the number of people they immediately affect, but there is room for them to be large, very large, in the magnitude of the impact.