emeraldkity4

I grew up learning about the Kitty Genovese case which struck at the heart of what we want to believe about ourselves.
That we are good, that we are responsible, that we will do the right thing.
We Are All Bystanders
However, that isn't always enough to overcome inertia , fear of sticking our neck out and laziness.

How do we decide to get involved? Do we volunteer we have first aid training & perform CPR or do we wait for someone else to do so? Do we help fill sandbags and cook meals for those put out of their homes or do we thank goodness we aren't in need?

I don't consider myself religious, but have tried to cobble together a belief system to guide my choices, and have gained much from the wisdom of others, mainly Rabbi Hillel who said " If I am not for myself, who will be for me? And when I am for myself, what am 'I'? And if not now, when? and "We must be the change we wish to see in the world."" ~ Mahatma Gandhi. ( my daughter is having the last translated to Hindi and tattooed )

I believe we owe it to ourselves to be involved, to be prepared to be involved by knowing CPR, by paying attention to our environment and not looking the other way.

We saw an extreme case recently in California where young people not only did nothing when they saw a peer being harmed, they stood and watched. I am sure most of us feel if we were in that situation, we would" do the right thing", but would we?
Are we not numbed by the choices we have already made to look the other way and not be involved?

It is a risk to be involved, to speak out, to do something that may be unpopular, and often at cost to ourselves. By something as small as donating money to help others, to more of a commitment like joining the Peace Corp or the military where you know at the outset you are going to be uncomfortable and especially in the case of the military, unsafe. We don't want to be uncomfortable or cold or hungry and we don't want to be reminded that for others that may be a daily occurrence.

We don't have to all rush out , sell all our possesions and move to Mali, but maybe stop and take the time to do a little bit more that we weren't " obligated" to do, we might find that the feeling that we get from giving of ourselves, lasts long enough to want to do it again.

aibarr

A few weeks ago, there was a homeless guy passed out on the sidewalk in broad daylight. People were tripping over him, kicking him (both accidentally and intentionally), and completely ignoring him. I called 9-1-1.

I took CPR, AED, and First Aid certification courses a few weekends ago, too. There was a woman in the class who found her infant daughter blue and not breathing in her crib one day. She knew what she had to do, calmly started CPR immediately, and had her screaming mother call 9-1-1. It was only after the paramedics had taken over and she saw her baby daughter hooked up to all the tubes in the NICU that she lost it and started sobbing. She saved her daughter's life-- her daughter is now twelve years old, happy and healthy.

You never know, the woman said.

ellebud

First of all I love the quotes you stated. The question of when and why one should get/be involved in a situation is indeed complicated. BUT, I think that one's gut reaction to act should tell you where you should go in this instance.

Many years ago my parents had some people over. There was a child being abused several houses away. We could hear everything. Much to my horror (I was 12ish) my mother said, "Don't call the police. That man will come over and shoot you dead." (exact quote, you don't forget your mother making such a horrible decision including facts, a gun, not in evidence.) A friend of my parents went to the phone and called. The police came and the child's uncle was arrested on the spot.

As an adult you should know when to involve yourself in situations...and when you should step back. I have a friend who is a too much involved mom. Her daughter got dissed by another girl. The second girl was correct incidentally. Mom was ready to go in and "whip her ass." (swear to God, private school and all). Another mom and I heard the whole thing. Other mom stepped in first and told original mom that it wasn't her business, keep out...oh, and the mom was being a bully and infantilizing her daughter. When turned to support I agreed. Stay out of it.

There are gradations of responsibility. But, you hear screaming, you see an old woman in the street, or a bum passed out....the call you make may save a life, even a loved one's life.

hayden

Malcolm Gladwell addresses these issues in an interesting way in one of his books (either Tipping Point or Blink). As I remember his take, it is not so much that people don't care, or that they are numbed by violence, but a general sense either that someone else will do what needs to be done, or that if no one else in the crowd reacts, then the others take the "crowd cue" and likewise do nothing.

I was in an audience once when a speaker collapsed. My memory was that there was total silence, the audience disappeared, and he lay on the ground while I thought about it; and after several minutes passed, I got up to help. But others in the audience told me later that I along with one other person (out of about 75) leapt out of my chair immediately, and we caught him before he even hit the ground. I don't remember my actions that way at all. Strange. All I know for sure is that it wasn't really a conscious decision to help or not to help.

ellebud

Somewhere you were taught or wired to do the right thing.

worknprogress

My DH has an uncanny ability to be in situations where some kind of help is needed. Burning cars, burning buildings, you couldn't make this stuff up. He is also a big kidder and known for exaggerating to make things funny.

I was sitting on the beach one day while he was swimming in the ocean in NC where there were no lifeguards. I was happily reading my book under my umbrella when he returned. (I know I should have been watching him - I am not a very good wife)

He said, "I just saved a woman." I told him to move aside, he was dripping on me & then said, "oh, sure."

At that two men approached our blankets and essentially bowed towards him and said,"We owe you her life."

Apparently, the woman had been caught in a riptide and he did indeed save her. I still don't always believe everything he tells me

mafool

I wonder. I don't know if it is hardwired, or what. I do know that others think I am "over reacting" when I dial 911 when I see an accident or a problem on the highway (too late for me to stop and be helpful) or when I stop to inquire about someone in distress. And every child on this planet is my responsibility. (only exaggerating a little)

(added thought: in the car with husband and seeing a female pedestrian in obvious distress. I insist that we stop and offer aid. She refuses. My husband says, "If you were not here, I would never stop. It is too risky as a man to approach a woman alone and offer her a ride." I never thought about that.)

worknprogress

Mafool - he is so right. He should no more stop to pick her up, than you would pick up a man on his own.

Mafool, I am with you. I have the helper gene as does my spouse (no kidding). I have never regretted it.

Pharmagal

OP,

Couldn't agree with you more.... we should absolutely contribute to changing the world... to make it a better place... a more compassionate, interlinked, and connected world.

I wish the Cleveland police had taken the neighbor's complaint about foul odor more seriously. Perhaps the senseless loss of innocent lives could have been prevented sooner.

mafool

Another thought: do those of us who loiter/linger on CC after our kids have gone off to college have that "helper" gene (per worknprogress)? We don't need help anymore, but we may be able to assist others.

(Or maybe we just need to "get a life!")

owlice

I have, several times, and in fact, picked up a man yesterday; he didn't know he'd lost something (a pannier) until I asked him whether he had. I'd seen it some miles back, and took him back to retrieve it.

And then told people at work when I got there that I'd been kissed by an economist!! (He was very grateful, and very cute about it, and I'm sure he'd just love that description of himself, but he was very cute about it. Made my day!)

I've picked up women, too; I'm an equal opportunity picker-upper!

worknprogress

Owlice - Oh, dear, I wish you wouldn't do that!!!

I think I am a pretty giving person, but after watching a show on Ted Bundy, I would never, ever pick up a man no matter how he was dressed. Sexist, I admit.

mafool

owlice, we have many things in common.

worknprogress, I wish you were wrong; I guess you are not. But a woman with an agenda and a weapon would be dangerous too. Do we stop helping everyone because some may be dangerous?

mousegray

Here's something I heard yesterday:
I was walking into a drugstore. A homeless man was sprawled on the sidewalk outside, asking for change in a loud voice, saying "Can you help me out, anybody?"
A little boy walking by with his mother, stopped in his tracks and said, "Anybody??"

I wonder what he would have done. I think i need to be more like that little boy from now on.

Wartsandall

I think there are just some situations in which people don't act due to a lack of trust. If it weren't for that factor, I believe people would be willing to attribute their support.