JHS

Annudah -- Excuse me, but I have not "given up". I also don't try to "force the issue". What I have given up on is getting her presents (although the koosh ball idea sounds viable, and I want to check out these Find-Its), or making a fetish of memories. I have a little burn on for the photo albums and memory boxes -- those ARE for the benefit of the facility and the families, not the resident herself, to whom they mean nothing anymore. (I recognize the point about the staff, though. It IS important for them to understand that the person they are dealing with was a whole person, with people who loved her. I try to give them that sense by being there a fair amount, and talking with them about her.)

Most of what you describe as working has a common denominator -- attention and touching. That's what they really want. They want people to engage with them on things that they can do and enjoy. They want to be touched nicely, hugged, hands held. Of course they like manicures! It isn't the nail polish, though. And of course they like making pictures for an appreciative audience! And talking, as long as there is someone listening and not trying to stuff every square thing they say into a round hole of reason. If I hadn't gotten so depressed thinking about this before, and had taken a more positive tone, what I should have said was that the best present was presence and attention, not things.

Music doesn't do much for my mother-in-law anymore, although that took awhile to fade. (Very sad though, because it meant lots and lots to her for all of her life until a couple of years ago. Well into her 80s, she ushered for the BSO so as not to miss any concerts.) I will say, however, that last weekend I saw a roomful of dementia ward residents active, electric, and responsive watching . . . a DVD of Lawrence Welk Shows! Talk about painful! The shows were much, much worse than I remembered, and they were just loooooooving it.

Jolynne Smyth

AnudduhMom, what a blessing you must be to the residents and families. And bookiemom, how thoughtful those gifts were that you made.

I'd like to train our dog to visit residents in these facilities. How hard it must be to live there 24/7. I bet these great gift ideas from everyone will help PA Mom's grandma & others.

aibarr

My mom, who has periods of dementia and memory loss and is wheelchair-bound, loved it when my brother and I bought her Trivial Pursuit this year for her birthday.

Sure, she can't remember the answers to most of them, but neither can anybody else in her assisted-living community. She says that if anybody is a real stickler for the rules, that they don't last long in her Trivial Pursuit gatherings. She says that she and her friends have a roaring good time, though, literally, trying to guess the answers to things like "What do they put on their french fries in Belgium?" (Mayonnaise, says Trivial Pursuit. Mussels, say I.)

My mom likes to color, too. We buy the large, intricate posters for her, along with nice sets of markers. She can sit down and work on it a little at a time, and leave when she loses interest in it.

She loves looking at old pictures, too. She can't remember where any of them are from sometimes, but when she's having a good day, she's pretty computer-savvy, and she'll scan in the picture and send it to me and ask if I remember details. She likes to play with the pictures in Picasa and then print them out and frame them, so we buy her frames.

She's found that she's on enough painkillers to dampen the pain she used to have from arthritis that stopped her from playing piano about ten years ago, so we'll bring her sheet music. She can't always see it because her eyes are going, too, but she gets by. There's a piano in the chapel and she loves to play, and the other residents love to sit and listen, and sing along. If you play an instrument, bring it in and play. It's delightful. The only thing better than canned music is live music.

Movies are no good; she falls asleep and can't remember them. Books aren't any good either (though I'll look for those Lydia Burdick books... those sound interesting). Puzzle pieces just get lost.

She likes to do container gardening, but she could probably resuscitate a burning bush and make it bloom something pretty... She's always had an incredibly green thumb, and her porch explodes with flowers every spring. The other residents love her flowers, too, and walk by her little garden on their walks. Fresh-cut flowers are great. For Mother's Day, I also send balloons, which she likes.

She really likes decorating her door, and making her apartment more home-y. We bought her a dried-flower wreath that she loves.

The koosh balls are a great idea. My brother and I are mid- and late-twenties and we can still occupy ourselves for hours with a few koosh balls.

Along those same lines, I'd also search online for occupational therapy supplies.

The Therapy Shoppe, The extraordinary little specialty shoppe for school and pediatric therapists, teachers and parents too.

Therapy Shoppe has some good things... People talked about neck pillows and koosh balls, and this is a whole store of those sorts of things. Fascinating, easy to use, provide comfort and interest, work on dexterity but aren't frustrating. They have a whole section of things called "Fidgets".

AnudduhMom

Jolynne, unfortunately I quit the job for reasons that had nothing to do with the residents, but thank you for saying that. I loved them and miss them (and many of them have passed on), and would love to work with Alzheimer's/Dementia residents again, in other circumstances.

I apologize, JHS, your comment seemed a little cavalier and that wasn't your intent. It's just... I saw some really bad behavior on the part of families -- when we saw them at all.

I know this is a little OT, but anyone who is dealing with a loved one's Alzheimer's or other Dementias, I can't urge you enough to contact the Alzheimer's Association. They are there for you!
We Can Help
They have resources, a 24-hr. helpline, and lots of books, videos, and volunteers.

The memory-type books are great, but please understand that your loved one with A/D will probably NOT have a big breakthrough, or will not "get better" and even if she has glimmers of recognition from time-to-time, it doesn't last. With Alzheimer's the damage is permanent. At this point there is no cure. It is best for the loved one to visit with a sense of humor, don't argue with what she says, don't insist that she remembers, and be respectful of the caregivers (you would be surprised how some people are, honestly). Take her as she is, at whatever developmental or declining stage. She is not gone (some of them are surprisingly physically strong!), she is just "reeling back the years".

Of course it is heartbreaking, but researchers are working on the riddle that is Alzheimer's, and we can only hope and pray they find a cure before we are in that position. (actually, my memory is getting worse every day...)

geezermom

My mother has dementia from a stroke and is now in a wheelchair in a nursing home. She also has macular degeneration, and her eyesight is very poor. Suggestions:
-- A bag designed to hang on the wheelchair (go to an online store called Buck and Buck). My mom loves hers, and it has become her "purse."
-- Things to go in the bag: a colorful zipper change purse (for bingo coins!), some small packs of tissues, a lipstick.
-- A large-format printed photo album. I haven't done this yet, but I'm going to gradually replace her 4 x 6 photo albums with a couple of 8 x 10 ones that I make on iPhoto. She can't see the small photos well anymore.
--Silk flowers. My mom was always a "fake flower" snob, but I have finally convinced her how nice it is to have permanent flowers (still bring her real ones sometimes, too).
--Clothing and accessories: A new sweater, turtleneck, or necklace means a lot.
--Baked goods: Be careful about dietary issues, of course, and consult the nursing staff. But the day I brought a pumpkin pie, they were all in heaven.
--If you are a knitter or know someone who is, a shoulder shawl. It helps keep the chill off, and it looks pretty.

The very best gift is visits from family members and friends. I don't have the most participatory extended family in this regard, and that is difficult. Anudduamom is right: You really need to be with them where they are, and that means in relation to gifts, too. (My mom is delighted when I show up with a Frappucino, so it doesn't take much.) From an adult child's perspective, though, this is the hardest thing I have ever done. We need to take care of ourselves, too.

Jolynne Smyth

Such great ideas, here. Thanks for that link, AnudduhMom, I know several people close to me who will really benefit from that; I'm forwarding it. I really admire the adult children who care & step up in these situations. It must be very hard, as you said, geezermom.

PA Mom

Wow - I am so pleased with the thoughtful responses here. I knew I could count on this forum for some good advice. I am going to look into a bunch of these ideas!

I feel bad that she is probably afraid and lonely quite a bit, but I am happy that her husband and daughters are able to visit frequently so she does have a lot of support.

Thanks for so many great replies...it seems this is a situation many of us are facing.

thumper1

We made my mom a nice photo album with all 8x10 pics. We also put in a written description on the opposite page (when the book was open, the picture was on the right, the description on the left) so that caregivers and visitors at the skilled care facility would be able to talk to mom about what was in the pics. We kept them simple...not too busy. Pics included her when she was young, us, the grandkids, her dog, our dog and cat, wedding pictures, graduation pics...etc. It was nice for the staff too...and many of them commented on how nice it was to have something they could SHARE with mom instead of just talking for the sake of talking. AND yes..she enjoyed seeing those pics day after day after day.

ELY

^^
Photos of pets is a great idea. (I would have some small photos copied & enlarged at Staples). I remember visiting my grandmother with my brother and we were talking about a cat she had when we were very young. My brother asked me "What was his name?" and my grandmother, who had not spoken during the entire visit, chimed in correctly with "Simon".

I'm glad you started this thread, PA Mom, its brought back nice (some sad, too) memories of my grandmother.

khsstitches

I an nurse manager on a large dementia unit for moderate-severe dementias. There are many kinds of dementia - Alzheimers, Lewey Body, Parkinsons-related...and more. Bookiemom's and Annuduhmom's ideas are good. The CD's are good. Put name on each CD. People with dementia wander, items move and get lost. I can't tell you how many times we've had to figure out which photo belonged to a resident b/c there was no name on it. No glass in frames - either take it out or put plastic in its place.
Photo albums are great but cover it well with plastic. Things spill. Old photos from their young adulthood are nice. Give staff something to begin a conversation with them.
For family - I recommend the book The 36 hour Day and also there is a new one Alice something...several of the spouses have recommended it to me.
Other items - good quality lotion that is non perfumed, hypoallergenic (Curel is good). Name on it.
Nice slippers with a very good quality non skid bottom.
Ask the staff at the facility what she might need - what is worn or doesn't fit. We love to get sports bras for the ladies (really. They fit better!).
And ditto whomever said she should not be in a w/c all day - maybe that was just a figure of speech? She should not be. Makes more problems for her and is indicative of poor quality care if that is really the case.
We also have a few residents who LOVE the Anne Geddes babies books. We also have very nice quality books of the US - essentially picture books. There is a series called "24 hours" or something like that - they relate to the photos of farms, military, etc. Books of pictures from the 30. 40 and 50's are good also - WWII is OK but avoid the graphic - can be upsetting.
We also have a DVD series put out by Homecoming - the folks who publish Country Magazine (thats another good choice, too!). Its a series of rememberances and many of the residents sit glued to it. Old movies from their era, also old sports DVD's.
Hope that helps.

worknprogress

I want to second Lawrence Welk or any other DVD you can find of old music shows. My father in law loved his DVD and frankly, each time we played it for him (as well as a Yogi Berra DVD), he was equally delighted. It may not be our cup of tea, but the music is familiar, it makes them feel young.

Anyway, Tommy Dorsey, Inkspots, anything like that was a big hit.

Thanks for your insights AM & KHS- my mom is experiencing some difficulty with cognition - made far worse by a horrible kidney infection and I know that it doesn't matter what the cause - it will be helpful to have support. Thanks for the link.

khsstitches

^Am here for advice anytime. Its tough, I know.

2bizee

Seniors often like music from earlier in their lives, some like audio books or poems or bible reading- though they might like to listen to the same bit over and over, or sounds of nature- like the ocean or birds.

Consolation

I know that some people in senior centers like to do the kind of handcraft that is like needlepoint, but uses a large- mesh plastic frame instead. It is easier for those with poor eyesight and stiff fingers to manage than the kind of needlework they may have done in earlier days.

Of course, I suppose this may be too much for some dementia patients, but is it popular for some?

sevmom

Mother-in-law (89) just moved into a memory support unit a couple of weeks ago after being in assisted living for a couple of years. Thanks to those who have made suggestions. She is with 8 other people on her unit. Is it appropriate to bring things to be shared with other residents and staff (as well as personal stuff)? Perhaps those that have worked in these kinds of settings can comment. Any suggestions?.She spends little time in her own room. Just read a book called Caring for our Parents, published this year. Got it from the library but it is available on Amazon(got very good reviews).