I'm very sorry...I just had to get this out. If you don't want to read anything depressing, please leave now.
For some reason I have very little going for me and everyone realizes it on some level. This is the reason why no one I know is there for me. I have friends, but they do not really care about me. The only reason they talk to me is because they think my family has money. I live in a very nice house, my mom has an expensive car, and for some reason we all look better off than we really are. Many people have attempted to use me for my mom or sister in the past because of their looks. They are both very attractive, while I'm probably just average looking at best. My dad is also good looking, but he gets overshadowed by them. Sometimes I'm afraid to introduce people to my sister because I have a feeling that they would be more interested in her than me and I would eventually get ditched for her.
Whenever I'm with a crowd of people, I always tend to get left out. It's almost like I have to acknowledge my existence to them or I would get ignored for most of the evening. I do not think I'm a rude or sulky person, nor do I think I'm obnoxious. I have good hygiene as I do basic stuff like take a shower and brush my teeth. I don't see what I do wrong. Maybe I'm just a very boring person who has nothing going for her.
I'm not particularly funny or witty. My grades and standardized test scores are at best average and I would quickly slip between the cracks of any competitive environment.
My parents gloat at having to take care of me. Sometimes I wish they just kicked me out so I won't burden them anymore, but I don't have the courage to just leave. They hate having to pay for my medical bills and constantly reminded by my mom that I'm over 18 and she does not have to do anything for me. I have a job, but it's only enough for pocket money and I already pay for my medication myself whenever I have the money.
My told dad me that he is threatening to cut off my sister completely because all she does is party and just settles to be average. I'm already average and I do not get chances to party at all. He probably doesn't have an excuse to cut me off.
I just feel that I have no real reason to live. I'm not complaining, I am just looking at this in a completely objective point of view. I know people will say to do volunteer work if I want to feel important, but I don't have any means of transportation to always volunteer, plus I have poor social skills. I have four different mental disorders which were all diagnosed by professionals. There is only so much my therapist and psychiatrist can do. I don't even know why I'm writing this as I don't know what anyone here can do. I just have no one else to talk to right now. I have called hotlines several times about pretty much the same damn thing and I feel better for awhile, then the cycle repeats again.