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I don't feel like life is worth living anymore

TA3021TA3021 Posts: 790Registered User Member
edited January 2010 in Parent Cafe
I'm very sorry...I just had to get this out. If you don't want to read anything depressing, please leave now.

For some reason I have very little going for me and everyone realizes it on some level. This is the reason why no one I know is there for me. I have friends, but they do not really care about me. The only reason they talk to me is because they think my family has money. I live in a very nice house, my mom has an expensive car, and for some reason we all look better off than we really are. Many people have attempted to use me for my mom or sister in the past because of their looks. They are both very attractive, while I'm probably just average looking at best. My dad is also good looking, but he gets overshadowed by them. Sometimes I'm afraid to introduce people to my sister because I have a feeling that they would be more interested in her than me and I would eventually get ditched for her.

Whenever I'm with a crowd of people, I always tend to get left out. It's almost like I have to acknowledge my existence to them or I would get ignored for most of the evening. I do not think I'm a rude or sulky person, nor do I think I'm obnoxious. I have good hygiene as I do basic stuff like take a shower and brush my teeth. I don't see what I do wrong. Maybe I'm just a very boring person who has nothing going for her.

I'm not particularly funny or witty. My grades and standardized test scores are at best average and I would quickly slip between the cracks of any competitive environment.

My parents gloat at having to take care of me. Sometimes I wish they just kicked me out so I won't burden them anymore, but I don't have the courage to just leave. They hate having to pay for my medical bills and constantly reminded by my mom that I'm over 18 and she does not have to do anything for me. I have a job, but it's only enough for pocket money and I already pay for my medication myself whenever I have the money.

My told dad me that he is threatening to cut off my sister completely because all she does is party and just settles to be average. I'm already average and I do not get chances to party at all. He probably doesn't have an excuse to cut me off.

I just feel that I have no real reason to live. I'm not complaining, I am just looking at this in a completely objective point of view. I know people will say to do volunteer work if I want to feel important, but I don't have any means of transportation to always volunteer, plus I have poor social skills. I have four different mental disorders which were all diagnosed by professionals. There is only so much my therapist and psychiatrist can do. I don't even know why I'm writing this as I don't know what anyone here can do. I just have no one else to talk to right now. I have called hotlines several times about pretty much the same damn thing and I feel better for awhile, then the cycle repeats again.
Post edited by TA3021 on
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Replies to: I don't feel like life is worth living anymore

  • TA3021TA3021 Posts: 790Registered User Member
    Can somebody help me? Please? Is there anything at all I can do?
  • aibarraibarr Posts: 4,248Registered User Senior Member
    No transportation? How about internet?

    UNV Online Volunteering Service

    There's plenty that you can do online. Check out that link, and look up other online volunteering opportunities... Just google it; there are plenty of them out there.

    You write very clearly. You claim that you have poor social skills, but you're a very good communicator. Maybe a little confidence, direction, and purpose would give you a clearer motivation for socializing with people, and would make it easier to do so.

    My mother was a psychologist. I've seen people go from not talking to anyone, not a word, even to their own family, and being told by specialists that they would never even be able to live on their own (I'm not talking about financial self-sufficiency, I'm talking about not being able to be responsible for bathing and feeding themselves... you're certainly ahead of them!), to graduating with advanced degrees and landing their dream jobs. It took them a lot of work, and thankfully, my mom was a great match for them and they were able to connect with her, but they got there. Consider a change in therapist and psychiatrist, if you're open to the idea.

    You have plenty of reasons to live... They just haven't found you yet. There are plenty of needs out there, plenty of things that this world lacks, that you certainly have the skills to provide to the world. From an objective point of view, I'd have to disagree with you!

    Best of luck, and have a hug.
  • TA3021TA3021 Posts: 790Registered User Member
    Thank you so much. I appreciate your words very much. I hope your holidays go well and best of luck to you. :)
  • abcevanabcevan Posts: 8Registered User New Member
    Really if this is how you feel you should do the following things.
    1 Bake a cake
    2 Eat one radian worth of it
    3 Take the SAT Subject literature practice test on sparknotes.com
    4 Write a letter to David Letterman asking him why he licks his lips after every joke.
    5 Clean your desk in school with shaving cream and a toothbrush
    6 Blow up a bunch of baloons and pop them really fast
    7 Try to start your own lemonaide stand
    8 Donate the lemonaide stand money to the make a wish foundation
    9 Watch that David Blaine special on Tv where he tried to jump off that thing and failed and it was the worst television ever.
    10 Read the Fountain head and become Roark. Go work in a stone mind, stick to your values.

    These 10 things are the 10 keys to happiness. Enjoy
  • aibarraibarr Posts: 4,248Registered User Senior Member
    You too! I wish you peace and strength this season, and in the coming year. =)
  • saxsax Posts: 4,191Registered User Senior Member
    TA3
    I am sorry you are feeling sad and lonely.

    First, I assume you have had a physical including seeing an endocrinologist who will look at your hormone levels and make sure they are within normal range. It is very common for women to have hormonal imbalances to be diagnosed with mental health issues.

    It is not easy to be a young adult. It is difficult to meet new friends once you are out of high school. Your friends will change as your life changes and sometimes you will find yourself without close friends. This is very normal for people your age. Actually it's very normal for older adults too. You may think everyone has lots of friends but they may be just acquaintences. Being quiet just makes it a bit tougher on you to develop friendships.

    My kids have gone through a number of friends as they have gotten older. One made her friends very slowly at work and the other made friends while living at school. These friends come in and out of their lives. My son will leave school and move to another city where he will have to start over and make new friends.

    Your life will be a series of transitions. It gets easier as you go through them.

    So at least for this one part of your life know that you are not alone and many, many people feel like you do. It will get better. Some things just take more time.

    Maybe you can find another job in addition to the one you have now. It will open up new opportunities to meet people. Keep busy and focus on moving towards independence. You will feel better. Just push through these sad times. You can do it.
  • tk21769tk21769 Posts: 7,380Registered User Senior Member
    TA, I agree with aibarr that you write very well. Much better than the the average HS poster here on College Confidential, where many of the kids are such ambitious, high-scoring students.

    It sounds like your family life is not a very loving environment, and that you are suffering from it more than your sister (at least on the surface). This may because you are a more emotionally sensitive person than she is. That could turn out to be your particular gift in life.

    I am not a Church-goer, but one religious writer whom I've found moving is Emmet Fox, for his analysis of the Sermon on the Mount and the Lord's Prayer.
    (The Sermon on the mount: the key to ... - Google Books)

    If you have the time to read his interpretation of the Lord's Prayer, I suggest you pay attention to the meaning of poverty and "bread". The point, I think, is that one cannot experience a rich spiritual life without having experienced "poverty" of the spirit first.

    Emptiness, longing, a sense of inadequacy tend to be treated nowadays as symptoms awaiting a pill to cure. And in many cases, maybe they are (I am not denying the existence of clinical depression or the need for treatment). But they are also part of the normal spiritual make-up of a healthy human being, just like hunger (which tells us we need to eat) or sore muscles (which tell us we need to rest). Your emotional senses, I think, are actually working better than some people's.

    Many, many successful, happy people have experienced feelings like the ones you describe. Maybe not exactly the same, because as Tolstoy said, while every happy family is the same, every unhappy family is different. I do think - I know - that you have the strength to work through this low point and build a good life for yourself.
  • milkandsugarmilkandsugar Posts: 2,869Registered User Senior Member
    TA3021, Good advice from others here and I couldn't offer any better, just hugs and prayers for you. Yes, you write well and this may be the gift you have and not even know it.
  • HugcheckHugcheck Posts: 1,029Registered User Senior Member
    Hi there,

    It sounds to me like you might be an introvert. Welcome to the club =/. It can be a struggle to be a shy quiet type in a bubbly extroverted world. And at xmas time, gah, it's just all worse so try to be patient and wait for the hubub to subside.

    Here's a book that was a life saver for me:

    Amazon.com: The Introvert Advantage: How to Thrive in an Extrovert World (9780761123699): Marti Olsen Laney Psy.D.: Books

    The Introvert Advantage: How to Thrive in an Extrovert World.

    It can help us understand our quirks and why they're not so bad. But if you get stuck in an extrovert family, and you're an introvert, it can be painful.

    Also, looks change over time - your sis might be the pretty one now, but in a few years that may switch out, as you begin to embody the depth of experience of life and some of the wisdom begins to shine through you.

    Patience, friend - life changes dramatically over the years and it's worth the wait to see what happens.

    Happy shortest day of the year!
  • Tristan2Tristan2 Posts: 66Registered User Junior Member
    Hi TA3021.

    By pure chance, I happened to see your post in the small highlight box on the home page. I don't read 90% of this website.

    You are a good writer, and I suspect you have strong reading comprehension of complex material. I sense that you are indeed a nice person.

    From a business perspective, you have the core of a powerful combination -- a lot to be said for nice, competent, people who are strong communicators. Find a company where you can start as low man on the totem pole and proceed to grow a business skill set in an area that interests you. If your verbal skills are good, and you're patient with people, then one potential is to start on an IT help desk. Whatever level you're at now, it always helps to grow verbal communication skills. Some people seem to really like the Dale Carnegie 'Influencing' and 'Speaking' books.

    Anyway, I took the time to read your post and then read a handful of earlier posts to get a sense for where you're coming from.

    I was struck by your post below from May, and how at one time (sophomore year) you were feeling pretty darn good.

    http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/college-life/719167-how-would-you-freshmen-rate-your-first-year-2.html#post1062617660

    I am not a medical person, just a parent, so what I say comes from that perspective, as thoughts for consideration. Think back to the times when you were feeling good and try to identify the things (even little things) that contribute to positive energy for you. Re-incorporate and re-connect with some of those things.

    Recognize that you may be in a temporary low point, but that you can ride it out because better days are ahead.

    Consider reducing or eliminating the negative things you say to yourself. As an experiment, for a couple full days, replace all negative self-talk with positive self-talk. Instead of saying stuff like, 'I'm not good looking,' say: 'you know what; maybe I am kinda good looking.' Even if it feels false or phony or stilted, just experiment with it for a couple full days and give yourself permission to begin to feel positive energy from the things you say to yourself. Can't hurt to try.

    Consider starting to reduce or even eliminating your expectations of other people, even family members. As a side effect, you may be pleasantly surprised on occasion as reduced expectations are exceed. Ask yourself: what if I didn't expect anything from anyone, even my own mom and dad? If that line of thinking seems to put you one small step on a healthier path, then continue with it. If that line of thinking creates negative energy for you, then drop the concept.

    If you haven't already, bring music into your daily routine as that can be a nice clean way to boost spirits.

    While you are feeling low, minimize the times that you are alone.

    Make sure you get thoroughly tested health-wise -- comprehensive blood tests, hormone level tests, and all that kind of stuff. Do some research on the web (empower yourself with knowledge) and take charge of your own overall healthcare. If you feel you need a certain test done, make sure they order it. I suspect many cases of depression have an internal 'chemical/biological' cause that can be identified and potentially mitigated.

    Read about 'Endorphin Deficiency Syndrome' and see if the symptoms are a match.

    If you feel you're getting worse or it becomes tough to bear, make sure to reach out to your doc or other healthcare professional. Put them on your cell.

    I wish you the very best, and let us know how you're doing.
  • emeraldkity4emeraldkity4 Posts: 32,496Registered User Senior Member
    THis is a crappy time of year for many people in this hemisphere- keep that in mind.
    Weather, lack of sun, and this year hasn't been one of the best.

    Im sorry that your parents are such jerks, but please listen to others when they say you have a lot going for you and that things will be , much much better.

    I will also say that no matter what categories others try to place you in- for example if you have mental or physical illness- that isn't who you are.
    ( PLus those things can be inaccurate or mitigated with treatment/time in many cases)

    Tristan makes some very good points, what we spend time thinking about and doing, is what we are, if you spend time berating yourself, that is what you are reinforcing.

    THis book is a classic and I highly recommend it.
    Amazon.com: Creative Visualization eBook: Shakti Gawain: Kindle Store

    I also recommend this one.
    Amazon.com: People Skills: How to Assert Yourself, Listen to Others, and Resolve Conflicts (9780671622480): Robert Bolton: Books
  • TA3021TA3021 Posts: 790Registered User Member
    Consider starting to reduce or even eliminating your expectations of other people, even family members. As a side effect, you may be pleasantly surprised on occasion as reduced expectations are exceed. Ask yourself: what if I didn't expect anything from anyone, even my own mom and dad? If that line of thinking seems to put you one small step on a healthier path, then continue with it. If that line of thinking creates negative energy for you, then drop the concept.

    Thank you. I have learned not to be surprised by anything, but it still hurts me that I don't have anyone in my real life that's truly there for me. I won't expect a thing from anyone anymore and the kindness is just a privilege.
    It sounds like your family life is not a very loving environment

    My therapist said that he was surprised my dad would be as mean to say that the only reason my sister invited me to the party was because my mom would get upset if she wouldn't. I only thought my dad was telling the truth.

    I would like to thank everyone for the book recommendations as I love to read.
    Happy shortest day of the year!

    Wow. I almost forgot about that! You too :)
  • dmd77dmd77 Posts: 7,635Registered User Senior Member
    I am a literalist.

    Today is not the shortest day of the year. All days have 24 hours.

    It is, however, the day with the shortest period of sunlight (in the Northern Hemisphere).
  • HugcheckHugcheck Posts: 1,029Registered User Senior Member
    Lol. Yous gots yer days, yous gots yer nights. Day, sunshiney. Night, dark and starry. Shortest day, least sunshiney. Longest night, most dark and starry. Solstice. Happy winter! Too, yous gots yer 24 hours in a day. Day, day. You pays yer money, you takes yer cherce. Tolerable Holiday to all!
  • Tristan2Tristan2 Posts: 66Registered User Junior Member
    A literalist also knows that there is something called day and something called night. A day can be commonly defined as an interval of light starting with sunrise and ending with sunset.
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