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As some of you may remember, this is not my first time asking for advice. To give a quick update of my situation, I've been in counseling and trying to implement some lifestyle changes into my routine (getting exercise, eating a little better, etc.). Now I feel physically and emotionally better, so things have definitely improved in that regard, but there's one thing that's just not changing.
I have completely and utterly lost my drive and motivation. While I would usually procrastinate a ton, I always got my work done no matter what it took, and now I just physically can't seem to make myself do it anymore. I already withdrew from physics this semester, and I'm getting Cs in calc II (after getting an A in calc I). While I'm doing fine in the rest of my classes, I really just feel like I'm going through the motions and not getting anywhere. I really don't like the freshman curriculum for my major, and I'm on my second year of college with no practical progress toward anything but these specific career-oriented programs (OT, then engineering). Frankly, I have no idea whether I have no idea what to do or if I just don't want to do anything.
I've been encouraged to do the first semester of electrical engineering and see how I feel about it, but considering that I'd be taking even higher level math and more difficult physics, I don't foresee myself having a great experience. I really have lost my passion for things in general, and it's driven me to reevaluate some previous choices. What I would previously have regarded as responsibility, such as refusing to see the people that I cared about in order to study or work, now seems unconscionable. It just doesn't make sense in my head to tell the people that I love that I can't spend time with them because I have to do things that don't matter to me and feel completely pointless.
I've mulled over changing my major, but I really have no concept of what I would change it to. I've considered taking a year off but I have no idea if I'd even be able to find a job or if it would be even worse than school. I just feel really lost and miserable every second that I spend in a classroom. At this point, if someone told me that I didn't have to go to class if I just hit myself in the thigh hard with a hammer, I'd definitely choose the hammer.
I just can't seem to force myself to do the work anymore. It's always been somewhat of a struggle to pay attention and get stuff done. Even in middle school I wasn't allowed to sit by windows because I wouldn't pay attention. In high school, I slept in class all of the time, not out of disrespect, but because I was so bored and tired I could sit there and poke myself with a pencil and bounce my knees and do anything I could think of to stay awake, but none of it worked. When I try to do work at home, even if I eliminate every single distraction I can think of, I end up literally staring at a wall instead of working. Either that or I fall asleep and drool in my textbook.
I have a feeling that a lot of people will say to change my attitude, and develop a better work ethic, but how? I don't know how to make myself think differently and even my counselor hasn't been forthcoming with that answer.
Sorry for the rant and wall-of-text. I just really don't know what to do anymore.