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Senior daughter never asked to prom

ucmomhopefulucmomhopeful Posts: 145Registered User Junior Member
edited May 2010 in Parent Cafe
My beautiful bright daughter who is a senior has never been asked to a Prom or even on a date for that matter. I feel so bad for her and don't quite understand it. Whenever any of our friends or other people meet her they comment to my husband that we must be beating the boys off with sticks but to be honest she has never had a boyfriend. To make matters worse, her best friend just got asked to the prom today! I don't know what to say to her to make her feel better without sounding like just a "mom" She will be going away in the fall to a great university and we keep telling her how much she has to look forward to and how different things are from high school. She really wants to experience the "whole package" go through sorority rush, get involved etc.. but I know it ways on her insecurities while she is still in high school about her dismal social life. Being a senior, she is done with classes by noon so really has no opportunities to get social. She is a bit on the shy side but when engaged can be very personable. Any advice on how to handle this without sounding so cliche?
Post edited by ucmomhopeful on
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Replies to: Senior daughter never asked to prom

  • Objective789Objective789 Posts: 433Registered User Member
    Leave it alone. Everybody goes through this phase of life at their own speed and getting involved is not a good idea.
  • questbestquestbest Posts: 466Registered User Member
    I would encourage you to go on a website called Dontcallmeshy.com and write to Laurie@dontcallmeshy.com (the author of a book on shyness and the person who set up the website). She helped my D so much and is amazingly kind and understanding.

    Good luck to your D.
  • ucmomhopefulucmomhopeful Posts: 145Registered User Junior Member
    Well I even suggested she ask a "friend" but she said for the price of prom bids, it's not worth going with just a friend. Plus the way they dance now (Grinding on the dance floor simulating sex, they call it "freak dancing") doesn't appeal to her. I just want to know what to say to her when I see it in her eyes how sad it makes her.
  • chilltchillt Posts: 108Registered User Junior Member
    The situation could be much different. Your daughter hasn't gotten pregnant, like many high school girls, or engaged in criminal behavior.

    You sound like you have been blessed with a wonderful daughter who is trying her best.
  • collegeprojectcollegeproject Posts: 179Registered User Junior Member
    Can her friends fix her up with someone to go to the prom, just as friends, without any romantic attachment?
  • Gwen FairfaxGwen Fairfax Posts: 2,435Registered User Senior Member
    Oh I feel for you and for your D who will find her way into the dating world in her own good time, I'm sure....meanwhile it's hard. (Even though my guess is that part of her doesn't want any of it yet, and so is subtly not encouraging it.) Here it is very customary for girls to ask boys to prom-- with pointedly unromantic intentions. They ask a friend, someone they like and trust and would enjoy getting dressed up and going to prom with-- and who would never ever expect a kiss afterward! And some girls will take a girlfriend. Would that be totally beyond the pale there? It's great to experience a party with all one's classmates-- much less so to do it on an awkward date with a guy one hardly knows.
  • CharlottemomCharlottemom Posts: 171Registered User Junior Member
    My son is a senior in high school and I am amazed at his friends (boys) that are too scared to ask a girl out. My son has a girlfriend and they went to the prom last year and this year but many of his friends won't ask girls out. I talked my son into setting two of his friends up with (girl) friends for the prom this year. My son actually ask the girls if they would say 'yes' to the guys.... tell your daughter that is how scared some of these guys are!

    I am sure your daughter will come out of her shell a little in college! I hope she will get involved in lots of activities and meet lots of cute guys. Tell her if she sees an interesting guy to ask him out!
  • djdopeslapdjdopeslap Posts: 182Registered User Junior Member
    Don't assume that the male species at the age of 18 has reached a level of maturity anywhere approximating that of a man. These are boys, and boys are lame... especially when it comes to asking girls out.

    To be honest, they're probably intimidated by your daughter. But that's probably not really what she wants to hear; it's also doubtful if she wants you "feeling so bad for her". You should be happy that she doesn't want some boy sweatily groping her on the dance floor. She's got plenty of time to date in college, when people mature and become more comfortable with each other.

    And if she's sad about it, either assure her that she's beautiful and that you love her and that she's a total diamond in the rough, or tell her to get up some gumption and ask out any boy she likes herself. Rejection is a better alternative than locking yourself away to mope.
  • acsvcracsvcr Posts: 91Registered User Junior Member
    I second that #2. My daughter does not have a date for the prom but it's still going and will have a great time. It is the junior senior prom so she did have one last year but not this year (They went as friends). And she has also never had a boyfriend or dated, but that doesn't stop her from having fun with her friends. She is also bright and beautiful, and hates it when people ask her anything about boyfriends.
    I am a single mom and got pregnant when I was 19 so from experience there is nothing wrong with waiting to date until the right person comes along.
    Don't feel bad for her, just ler her be.
  • Gwen FairfaxGwen Fairfax Posts: 2,435Registered User Senior Member
    I cross posted with you OP. I'd let her talk about it and be sure she understands that she is a lovely, wonderful girl.....it makes me so sad when girls thing they're not pretty enough or whatever, when obviously it is simply that they haven't made that kind of connection with a boy yet. (And often, because they are the kind of girls who need more of a connection to really feel close-- that's a good thing.)
  • ucmomhopefulucmomhopeful Posts: 145Registered User Junior Member
    Well your absolutely right on that account! She has been a dedicated student, NHS, CSF the whole works and never once given us any problems. Doesn't drink, do drugs etc.. So we know how lucky we are in that regards and she sees how all her hard work and dedication have paid off as far as college is concerned. Still... we're dealing with the fragile ego of a 17 year old where insecurities are second nature. (at least in our case) She thinks she's fat, ugly hair etc... honestly if i were to post a picture you'd think she was crazy! 5ft 7, striking blue eyes, long wavy hair. She works out every day either jogging or at the gym and thank god likes food too much to be anorexic but those concerns have crossed our minds since she is on the slim side. We live in southern Ca in an area where everyone is expected to be the perfect beach girl! I guess she just beats to her own drum and maybe thats why she doesn't get asked out. I just feel like a broken record telling her over and over that things will be different in college when she gets away. And again on days like today when her friend gets asked and wants her to go shop for gowns with her, I can see that it hurts.
  • GTalumGTalum Posts: 2,005Registered User Senior Member
    My daughter is similar and I also get comments about how pretty she is. She went to the prom with friends this year as they did last year. It doesn't seem to bother them. In fact, more girls go to the prom as a group then with dates at our school. DH is worried but I'm not so much. But, she is not shy and blessed with good friends.
  • skier29skier29 Posts: 397Registered User Member
    I don't know what to say to her to make her feel better without sounding like just a "mom"

    You are her mom - ANYTHING you say will sound like it to her.
    So let her know, as her mom, how wonderful she is. Your post above is touching. It's not always bad to just share the disappointment when there isn't a good "fix"

    ETA - reading crossposts - there may be several good ideas for fixes.
  • PackMomPackMom Posts: 7,299Registered User Senior Member
    S2 never went to the prom in h.s. and never had a date as far as I know. His group of friends included girls and they all went out together a lot but very few were exclusive pairs. He just finished soph. yr. of college, still no steady gf. I'm hoping he finds the "one" there in the next couple of years.
  • skier29skier29 Posts: 397Registered User Member
    I will second the fact that 17 yr old boys are often lame socially. Particularly the type that are likely to be interested in your obviously bright and talented daughter
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