Why I love my strict Chinese mom

[poetgrl]

What on EARTH do you think "typical" CC parents DO?

I think I'm pretty typical CC parent, and I have one kid who just now is getting it together as a student. I never pressured her, though she was perfectly capable of doing "better" work. She's been prone to the occaisonal C and the "gentleman's B-," which is what I think the old gentleman's C has become. But, she was happy, well-adjusted, worked well with others, and was excelling enough in other areas that I figured school just wasn't her "thing."

She's proving me wrong this year, but through no fault of mine. I'd just written it off, frankly, and I was just dandy with it, cuz she's a great kid, capital G great, and because I never worried about her work ethic, or will to do well, just her interest. So, now she 'cares,' and I will do what I can to support her in this, which is say, "Hey, that sounds interesting." when she talks about her classes.

So, yeah, I don't know what it is you think most "typical" CC families are doing. I think we're all over the map on this site, which is one thing I really like about it, franlkly.

[Classof2015]

I've only read the same excerpts and reviews as everyone else. While I could never approve of someone who called her child "garbage", I have to say I envy her complete confidence in her approach. I feel like I am always second guessing myself "am I too strict? Am I too soft? Should I have let them do this or that?" What a relief to just plow forward with your one-size-fits-all approach for better or worse. No angst, no worries about being a good mother. I'm not saying she is a better mother for it. I just envy the confidence.

I think her approach may work some of the time for some kids. I think an intelligent, emotionally mature person knows when to select the right behavior that is most appropriate to the situation and child.

D heard about the book and told me I should have been more like the Tiger Mom with her. This, from a child who fought me on everything I told or asked her to do since she could speak. I hope she gets the chance to try this approach with her own kids.

[NYMomof2]

I agree with other posters that this woman has violated her daughters' privacy. I can't imagine her motivation for publishing such a revealing book (I have not read it, but have read the online article and excerpts).

I would not have wanted to be a mother like Chua, but I can't imagine my sons being as compliant as her daughters were if I'd tried the things she did. My sons have each pursued their interests, not chosen by me. Some of these interests are in areas where I am well-qualified to help them and find resources, some of them are not. I would gladly drive S2 for an hour to the best piano teacher, if I knew how to find that person. Instead, I do my best and then worry that I haven't made a good decision.

[wonkapickletop]

Not surprising to me, after reading this book, that Sophia would come to her mom's defense. Throughout the book, Sophia is the compliant one, while her sister Lulu rebels against the "Chinese" mothering. Chua writes in her book that she has resorted to comparing the sisters to each other (out loud), with her remarks favoring Sophia. I would love to hear Lulu's response, instead, as she seems to be the one most traumatized by this method of parenting.

[jym626]

Why assume boyfriend is Chinese? Mom didnt marry a chinese gentleman. Lots of assumptions and overgeneralizations being made here.

[Pea]

What a relief to just plow forward with your one-size-fits-all approach for better or worse.

All this attitude serves to do is make parenting easy, you don't even have to think about it. It's easy until your kids grow up and point out that the choices you made for them weren't what they needed.

D heard about the book and told me I should have been more like the Tiger Mom with her.

That your daughter could say this to you speaks well of you as a parent. She is able to question your approach and she feels safe enough with you to be honest.

Amy Chua's daughter isn't yet able to question what her mother did to her.

[Bay]

They do not want their children to develop bad habits that they will pick up from American kids...TV, computer games, ...

Wait, so Chinese kids don't play computer games??

[Bay]

Sophia wrote:

No outsider can know what our family is really like. They don’t hear us cracking up over each other’s jokes. They don’t see us eating our hamburgers with fried rice. They don’t know how much fun we have when the six of us — dogs included — squeeze into one bed and argue about what movies to download from Netflix.

I don't know why, but laughing at jokes, eating hamburgers with fried rice and arguing over downloading a movie doesn't cancel out all the bad stuff for me.

[momma-three]

Poetgirl...Do you really think CC is representitive of most American families from all parts of the United States? I doubt it or we would not even be discussing this book. Most parents on CC are more involved in their kids education than most. Heck I read the posts, and there is alot of parent involvement in their childrens education. I just don't think this forum speaks for all parents everywhere.

[poetgrl]

I find the "average" as in "norm" for the parents on this board to be one of high intelligence and engagement with education, as a general value. How we approach this is extremely variable, imho.

I don't think there is a "typical" parenting style on CC. I think that speaks highly of the diversity here, and also flexibility. If you are asking me if I think the typical American parent is engaged with learning and interested in education when their kids are younger, I'd say, yes, barring extreme circumstances, like overwhelming poverty (which might mean a lack of a computer and a lack of time), or whatnot, yes. I think most American parents want what is best for their kids and do what they "believe" will get this for them.

Some parents simply define "what is best" differently than others.

[clouder]

Regarding the article, that sounds like a super strict parent, but I wonder what parts had been exaggerated... There was another thread from 4 years ago that was recently resurrected about a "psychotic mother" in California who yells at her child with death threats.

I've now realized my mother is scarily similar. She frequently puts me down, calls me swear words when my dad isn't home, and once almost crashed the car in a fit of hysteria. She literally acts fine one minute and screams at me the next, blaming me for every little thing ("why didn't you remind me of the car keys you worthless piece of ****?!")


I'm seriously contemplating whether to make a topic about this or not. My mom is not the typical Asian mom. All I can say is, there are only 7 months left before I leave for college, and I am very thankful to get away. I've heard that when a child leaves the house for college, there is less burden on the parents. It is sad to know there are abusive parents out there but there's really not much one can do about it...

[greenwitch]

For those who wondered earlier, yes, the older daughter is a senior in high school this year. The younger daughter graduates in 2014. Oh boy.....

Hopkins School ~ Parent Amy Chua's latest book

[Pizzagirl]

Chua will be on Colbert Report on January 25. That should be fun! Gotta give her credit if she handles it well!

[xiggi]

Wondering if Dave Letterman is licking his chops:

The Ten Things Amy Chua did to her children:

1. Read them 100 pages of the Encyclopedia Brittanica every night at bedtime
2. Told them A Brief History of Time was more fun than The Cat in the Hat.
4. ...
5.
etc

[cbreeze]

It is important to remember that Chua's daughters are Jewish, albeit Reform Jews, and it is therefore in all likelihood that the older daughter's boyfriend may be Jewish, just like her father.