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For the parents of girls going away for college

Fam8692Fam8692 Posts: 1Registered User New Member
edited April 2011 in Parents Forum
My daughter is going away to school this fall and I want to be sure she is prepared for everything. She is not sexually active now, and has only recently begun dating casually. She is a serious student and involved in several sports, so has not had a lot of free time. She will turn 19 not long after leaving for school, so I want to be realistic about her becoming sexually active. I have talked to her about birth control and she says it is not needed. I am thinking I will suggest she ask her doctor for a prescription for birth control when she has her physical this summer. My thinking is, if it is not necessary, she doesn't have to have it filled, but if and when the time comes, she will be prepared. I would rather her get advice from our trusted doctor than someone at a school clinic. How have you handled this situation? Any suggestions?
Post edited by Fam8692 on
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Replies to: For the parents of girls going away for college

  • poetgrlpoetgrl Posts: 12,540Registered User Senior Member
    My oldest has been on BC Pills since she was 16. We never discussed whether or not she was sexually active, but she had had a serious boyfriend for a long time at that point, and I just took her to a gynecologist (a friend of mine, who I TOLD over the phone that I wanted her on BC Pills so to please offer.) D took her up on it. End story.

    My youngest doesn't date at all, even at 16, and yet, no matter what, before she goes to college I will take her to the same gyne and have the same conversation with Doc pre-appointment. YMMV
  • MereMomMereMom Posts: 665Registered User Member
    We had a similar situation last year - DD didn't want to listen to us and was sure she wouldn't be encountering the issues. She would not take a perscription or discuss w/ dr.

    I had her get her meningitis vaccination at school after she got settled in (school sent the reminder, so she HAD to fulfill the requirement). This forced her to go to the school's health center and interact w/ staff there. Later on first semester, she felt comfortable going back to discuss options w/ PA.

    She is not dating or "hooking up" (I DETEST this term), but seeing so many girls who came to school with similar backgrounds now dating/engaging in casual sex and/or drinking (they often go hand in hand, unfortunately) showed her that she can't predict what will happen and should be prepared.

    The college health services staff are trained and experienced in dealing with young adult issues - they treat students as adults and speak frankly about the issues. I don't think our family doctor could have left the impression on our DD that the college staff have.
  • alhalh Posts: 4,121Registered User Senior Member
    My emphasis was on condoms. I went to our local university health clinic and got very explicit pamphlets on std's and safe sex for my kids. It is a very different world than what some of us 50 something-year-olds experienced.

    If she is using condoms, is other bc necessary or desirable? This may be an individual decision. Many young women I know use bc in addition to condoms. Some don't, since they are concerned about long term effects of various bc methods.

    I taught my sons from an early age this was their responsibility and that no young woman should be expected to be on the pill, patch, etc.
  • zoosermomzoosermom Posts: 23,836Registered User Senior Member
    I told both of our daughters that it was important to meet with a gynecologist during the pre-college round of check-ups and to discuss with her their female health issues and make choices regarding birth control. Totally matter of fact and in the same vein as "discuss with the doctor which allergy medications you should pack with you." It's all part of being responsible for their health.
  • radannieradannie Posts: 602Registered User Member
    Agree on the condoms, my daughter requested an IUD, gladly obliged.
  • NovelistoNovelisto Posts: 2,955Registered User Member
    Unless she is planning a career in the Church or is gay, birth control will be needed sooner or later. Make your suggestion about her discussing it privately with the doctor and then leave it alone. She's an adult. She may feel more comfortable going to a clinic and discussing it with someone she *doesn't* know well.

    Rather than focusing on b.c., have a casual conversation about peer pressure (although if she made it through high school, she knows about that) and about sexual expectations in the modern world. Tell her she doesn't have to have sex on the third date, no matter how many friends and boys tell her it's expected. Remind her that there's going to be a lot of older men around and that they are much, much smoother than the ones she's known so far. Make it a fun chat about what kind of moves the guys put on you! It's a wonder to me that my D can keep a straight face when boys try some of the old lines on her after the talks we've had!
  • seren50seren50 Posts: 90Registered User Junior Member
    Have been in similar situation, just 2 suggestions. Make sure your daughter knows about Plan B, which is available over the counter to anyone over 17 (need prescription if younger) - you might even want to send her off with a package, if that wouldn't annoy her too much. That doesn't diminish the importance of the condoms message. Allso, I delivered a few of these maternal messages via e-mail, thought it would be more comfortable for daughter. She was already away at school so that was fairly natural.
  • ccreaderccreader Posts: 218Registered User Junior Member
    ^^^ Furrze - I like the idea of sending them off to college with the Plan B package. My doctor (who is also my D's dr.) told me the story about how her own D ends up lecturing and procuring Plan B for all her dorm mates because the girls are too embarrassed to ask the pharmacist themselves! Imagine how embarrassing it'll be a few months later...
  • babyonthewaybabyontheway Posts: 517Registered User Junior Member
    This is rather embarrasing that I even know this, but birth control has benefits other than it stops pregnancy. It makes certain cyclic events in your life to be highly predictable and that can be very pleasing to some people who don't like surprises.

    My wife (then girlfriend) went on birth control in college found it so nice that she wondered why ever women wasn't on the pill.
  • ccreaderccreader Posts: 218Registered User Junior Member
    Another suggestion - Get Gardasil shots if your D has not done so. It's a series of 3 shots and needs to spread out over 6 months.
  • WirefoxWirefox Posts: 163Registered User Junior Member
    My daughter's dermatologist put her on BC pills to try and help with acne. About 4 months later, my D had phlebitis in an arm. Went to the clinic at her school and was told it was not a big deal and that she could continue with the BC pills. I told her she had to stop them immediately. Fortunately she did listen to me. I had her call and speak to the dermatologist who agreed 100% with me. Next time my D saw the dermatologist, she was started on Accutane for the acne and was told to never, ever take BC pills again. I'm still stunned at the poor information she was given by the MD in the college clinic. My daughter is also aware of other BC options if she needs/wants them. Right now she says she isn't interested and I believe her but you never know when that could change.
  • wtidadwtidad Posts: 98Registered User Junior Member
    Alh wrote: "It is a very different world than what some of us 50 something-year-olds experienced. "

    Gee, I'm 53, went to college from 1975-79, have kids in college now, and from the looks of it, not really so different. If anything, it's tamer now. Back then, drinking was part of OFFICIAL COLLEGE-SPONSORED EVENTS!! even for freshman (and this was a top-tier college in an state where drinkage age was 18). Hormones were the same, girls were on the pill and sexually active, lots of people were getting busy, and there were plenty of "hookups" even though we did not call them that. There were STDs then, too - just not HIV/AIDS, which the statistics show is still not much of a issue for college-age heterosexuals. Now, compared to the 1950s, theings might be a lot different. But compared to 30 years ago; I would say that my parents had the same concerns (or should have) that I do. The more things change, the more they stay the same.
  • alhalh Posts: 4,121Registered User Senior Member
    ^^agree our kid's generation is probably much tamer than ours. My doctor, a family friend, offered me the pill at 13. It never occurred to me till I read poetgrl's post it may have been at my parents' insistence LOL The difference is we could go to the school clinic for penicillin and it was all good ... though I do have a few friends who had to deal with herpes/pregnancy issues.
    There were STDs then, too - just not HIV/AIDS, which the statistics show is still not much of a issue for college-age heterosexuals.

    disagree - I do see this as an issue, a huge issue, and it worries me for all my children and their friends, gay or straight or bi. I also think it's nice to avoid herpes if possible :)

    I am not sure how easy it is to really define someone as heterosexual on a college campus today. My view of this may be skewed. However, a lot of parents won't know their child is involved in same sex "activities" until it is a bit too late to educate them. And they sure won't know about their kids' partners. I don't think we can quit worrying about this quite yet.
  • wtidadwtidad Posts: 98Registered User Junior Member
    I think the guys should all use condoms, no matter what. That said, statistically, very, very few heterosexual college students, particlarly white, male college students, who are not using intravenous drugs will contract HIV. The risk for receptive homosexual men and heterosexual, African-American women, is much higher. Anyway, be careful kids, but if you take ordinary precautions (USE CONDOMS!!) you'll be fine.
  • wtidadwtidad Posts: 98Registered User Junior Member
    It doesn't matter how someone is defined, it matters what they do. If a person - male or female - is having unprotected, receptive anal sex, they are at risk. That simple. If they are having it with a male homosexual, they're at the greatest risk.
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