What Would You Do If Your Grad Was Not Looking for A Job?

[qdogpa]

Racist? Hardly,but read my post so it fits your agenda...My point is the parents likely,probably,didn't attend a school like MIT,if they were fortunate to even attend college..they could n't provide guidance because they didn't know how..sheez,loosen up Francis

[URichmond2010]

My mom would have told me it was time to start paying rent, under her roof or elsewhere. And that would have necessitated some sort of employment. No way in heck would she have put up with me bumming around without freelancing and earnestly looking for employment the summer after I graduated.

[pugmadkate]

It is a shame that this woman has allowed her son to be so lazy and/or failed to get him help for depression/addiction.

This young man will not change unless the mother does. She needs to develop a back bone and be the mother her son needs (not wants, but needs) her to be.

[momofthreeboys]

Sad, but unfortunately "success" is the kid not the college. Perhaps someday this student will wakeup and realize it's on him to make something of his life....you could substitute any name college in the original post really. It takes more than smarts. Was it the parents, was it the kid thinking he would get handed stuff on a silver platter because of x, y, z...who knows. He could use counseling especially some career counseling if not some personal coaching if he's open to the suggestion.

[mathmom]

I have a friend (Princeton grad) who is in a similar situation. Majored in psychology. Not very good grades. Had an incomplete on his senior thesis, so may in fact not be quite graduated yet. Volunteered at a vet one summer, and made some PR films another summer. He seems to be at loose ends, and just doesn't know what to do. Parents are alternately wringing their hands, making threats and letting him mooch off them. He's had lots of counseling, but mostly he just seems scared to take the next step.

I think MIT can be an intimidating place, especially if you don't really fit into the culture. The poor kid probably really doesn't know what his options are if he doesn't want to go to grad school and doesn't have summer work experience. He should work with MIT's career services which generally will work with recent graduates. And of course his mother should lay down the law.

[vlines]

There is working, then there is working for mom. I can always fill up a schedule for any child that says "I'm bored"; "I don't have anything to do" around me. In this case, this "kid" would be put on a schedule, and given assignments in the house. Cleaning, painting, sanding/refinishing, building, and organizing. If I ran out of things for him to do, I would lend him out to various community groups for free. Shoot, I might just go straight to lending the kid out...might make some contacts that would lead to a real job then. Bottom line, no sitting around my house. You work for your food. Even if that is volunteer work.
I sound like a hard a$$, and I am not. But honestly, the only way to motivate someone that is in a slump is to get them moving. If he is truely depressed, he needs help, but also to be moving and productive is really good for that. If he is just an entitled brat, then someone needs to make him pull his own weight. He will either hate it and be more motivated to find a real job, or you will get the benefit of having a slave in the home.

[umdclassof80]

vlines --

"In this case, this "kid" would be put on a schedule, and given assignments in the house. Cleaning, painting, sanding/refinishing, building, and organizing."

You should hear the way he talks to his mother. He won't lift a finger to do anything around the house. She asks him to take the trash out and he flat out refuses. She has always spoiled and pampered him because he is her "golden boy." His sister (who did not go to college and still lives at home) has to work two jobs (retail and restaurant).

momofthreeboys --

"Sad, but unfortunately "success" is the kid not the college. Perhaps someday this student will wakeup and realize it's on him to make something of his life....you could substitute any name college in the original post really. It takes more than smarts. Was it the parents, was it the kid thinking he would get handed stuff on a silver platter because of x, y, z...who knows."

I truly think he believed that getting a degree from MIT was going to ensure instant success and wealth. He will eventually realize that he has to start from the bottom and work his way up . . . or go back to school and get a graduate degree.

mathmom --

"I think MIT can be an intimidating place, especially if you don't really fit into the culture."

On numerous occasions, he told family members how smart all the other kids were at MIT. He is to be commended for sticking it out and getting his degree. MIT provides plenty of services to assist URMs.

[vlines]

I kind of got that impression from the previous posts. But since the question was "what would you do", I figured you wanted to know what I would do. But my son would not ever speak to me inappropriately, at least not get away with it! And he is already more productive than this kid is right now.

So, what to do if I were this mom? She needs to either stand up to him and be the head of the house and lay down the law, or deal with having a child in the house for the rest of her/his life.

I can also tell you that if I were the sister, I would not put up with it. I would express discontent loudly, if that did not work, I would be gone.

[ucsd_ucla_dad]

This MIT educated entitlement-mentality slacker could learn a lot from his non-college educated hard working sister and mother.

[oldfort]

I think in this case, the adcom didn't do a very good job. What a wasted spot.

[windbehindwings]

This economy is throwing a lot of college grads into a world that is not ready for them. There still exists the belief that if you are an excellent student, go to a good college, and earn good enough grades that the world will open to you when you graduate. Many cities are seriously lacking in terms of opportunities for young college grads. In southern California, my son's peer group had a going away party for their friends who needed to return home to live with family members because they could not land any job that paid a living wage. Every month a different friend would leave. It started with the graduating class of 2009 and after several months, even the friends who already had jobs began to be let go since they were the last ones hired. He said he backed up into 2008, 2007 and 2006 grads. The entire peer group has not relocated to areas of the country that are more job friendly. Note: Many of these grads were graduating with honors and were willing to work hard. I say that volunteerism is a good place to start. Doing whatever needs to be done with a good attitude. Someone this cohort of young people need to stay optimistic and support each other. I think people over 50 do not really understand what it is like to exit college and face the reality of this job market. It is easy to blame the family and the young person but at this point it is a bigger issue.

[oldfort]

Excuse me?

people over 50 do not really understand what it is like to exit college and face the reality of this job market.

I am one of those people, and I graduated in 1982 during one of the worst economy.
Unemployment Rate:
1982-06-01 9.6
1982-07-01 9.8
1982-08-01 9.8
1982-09-01 10.1
1982-10-01 10.4
...
2011-05-01 9.1
2011-06-01 9.2
2011-07-01 9.1

Yes, I do understand what it means to graduate without a job, have to move home, and have to accept any job that is available. I also do remember having $30/week for 2 people to live on after paying off all bills. But H and I were on our own, and didn't live off my parents, even though they offered for us to live with them.

[mini]

It's worth remembering that a full quarter of MIT graduates graduate in the bottom 25% of their class.

It's only September. There aren't a lot of jobs out there. Really. I've been hearing about 26-year-olds with prestige degrees, hired for 304 years being thrown out of work, and they can't find anything! (even Burger King.) The unemployment for new college grads is something like 40%, and that includes all those who have lots of work experience (remember: the average undergrad in the U.S. is 24.8 years old). And many of the rest are underemployed.

I'd be more worried about the depression (IF he is really depressed) than the living at home part. They may have no health insurance. As far as I'm concerned, my kids can move back home any time they like (fat chance of that). (And there are an awful lot of depressed unemployed folks these days.)

And he still may make a boatload of money. He just may need a chance to develop his sea legs. I've seen that happen to others (and 40 years ago, I had a roommate just like that. He did - eventually - find a very good job that fit his personality to a tee.)

[limabeans]

good post busdriver (#14).

We just don't know what's happening behind closed doors and it's really not fair to judge. My sense is this kid has defenses up when he says he wouldn't take an entry level job.

[starbright]

I want to just add something here. From who are you hearing this version of reality? I mean do you know first hand (from talking to him) that he's not held a job, done ECs or summer work, barely passed, and isn't willing to take any job nor is looking for one now and wants his mom to buy him a car?

What you see in terms of conflict might be something way deeper. He's stressed and anxious. She's constantly on his case (understandably too). But the point is people living together under stressful conditions are going to be jerks to each other, and maybe moreso when there is an audience. That doesn't make him a spoiled good for nothing necessarily. He might be, but can you really know?

The reason I ask is you mention the mom plays the victim. How do you know she's not playing it again? He might be just one of MANY top school graduates who has fallen victim himself to the terrible job market. He may have barely passed or have a low GPA (so can't consider grad school) but still have worked his butt off! I think we may find it preposterous that someone as smart as an MIT graduate might be sitting at home unemployed and still hasn't quite come to terms with flipping burgers, but I have a feeling it's more common than most of us are willing to admit.

Could it be that mom is telling you HER version of the situation when in fact this kid is really struggling and isn't just some slouch sitting on the couch asking for a car?