Why You Don't Need To Be Ashamed Of Moving Back In With Your Parents

[cathymee]

S came home after undergrad due to financial constraints and unemployment. Had a plan, and it has worked out. First got a temp job, then one permanent job, then another. Has saved a considerable amount of $ (we did not charge rent/utilities)He paid car expenses and phone. He is off to grad school next fall with a full assistantship (and therefore no tuition charges) and enough in the bank to live on for the two years. Hopefully when he gets out of that he won't have to come back again.He will have been home for just about two years when he leaves..and all of us think its just about enough time.

[lspf72]

S1 came home for only a for only a few days after graduation last year. He planned his job and moved to D.C. and that was that. He leads an extremely busy life - working, grad school, the army reserves... so staying here in the 'burbs of NY was not an option. If it had been, though, he would certainly have been welcome to stay.

I think staying home for a while can be a good choice even if they can afford NOT to. I see no reason why they shouldn't as long as both parent and child are OK with it. My friend's son has lived at home - at their suggestion - since graduating, while working full time, making an excellent salary, and taking grad school classes at night. He will take care of his college loans well ahead of schedule, and has always been a big help around the house and they enjoy having him there. He is now getting a bit antsy, and within the next few months will move into the city with his friends, but not at anyone's goading.

[wsc187]

I mean, these days, it really doesn't matter if you move back in with your parents after school. seriously, with this recession, it's not like jobs are just coming to us here. I moved back in with my parents and a lot of my friends have too. I used to think it would be a big deal and really embarrassing, but the truth is, everyone else is doing it too.

[BettyfromCA]

Thanks. I hope to not feel too ashamed.

[snapdragonfly]

Well, my son boomeranged. He went off to college, wasn't mature enough to hack it, dropped out and moved back in for one semester while halfheartedly going to CC here. After one semester I said, you are wasting time and money, getting awful grades - if your life is going to be whatever you get without an education, might as well start living it now, you have three months to get out.

He got out in one and lived on his own for four years, slowly spiraling downward in a trap of slightly above minimum wage existence. He didn't ask for help but finally he got laid off again (not his fault, it was a general lay off) and could finally really see the dead end he was in no matter how hard he tried to get ahead as a call center worker or produce guy at Walmart. Was finally tired of going from one dead end minimum wage or slightly over job to another. He was also kind of lonely and discouraged - had had two girlfriends dump him rather badly and his cat had died. (which is almost funny, but not really)

I told him he ought to reconsider higher education and if so, we would help him but we couldn't afford to send him off again (no more of those big freshman scholarships like he had the first time) so he'd have to live at home and work to help pay his tuition here.

So he did, and it's amazing what a few years of hard knocks does for their maturity. lol. He's having to retake a lot of courses he got crappy grades in, in order to get into nursing school, but he's so engaged and self motivated now, what a difference.

He gets some financial aid that covers much of his school so we just make him pay his car and phone expense. He helps us out around the house and runs errands or whatever if I need some help. We all get along well and I think my husband appreciates another man in the house - he had to tolerate a highly estrogen centric household for a good while before D left for school. lol.

I don't know if he's embarrassed but sometimes I am - not because I think I should be, but because I'm afraid people will judge us. I mean, oh well if they do, it ain't their life or their kid, but there's such a negative stereotype about the slacker kid. He's not slacking, and never has (he has worked every day since he quit school the first time, has always gotten another job right away whenever he was laid off or if he quit) but he just wasn't driven and ambitious about school when he was 18. And my rule is, I'll help them as long as they behave themselves and need help, but they only get one shot at going off to college. After that, it's plan B, which is live at home and to go local college here, unless they can figure out a way to pay the difference themselves. But him living here with us is the only way we can afford to help him. We have a spare room but not spare money to pay for another roof over his head while he goes to school elsewhere.

[obscuredfacts]

My stepdaughter moved back with us for a period after she graduated to gain experience before applying to graduate schools. Because she lived at home she was able to work in a colleagues lab as volunteer for a while instead of having to earn money to support herself. It paid off for her because she ended up being accepted to a program that provides good funding-something unlikely without the experience. In the end the free tuition and stipend for 4 years far more than made up for the brief time she lived with us. I am not sure she felt it was the easiest thing to do but I think she is glad she did it.