The comments are starting

[anniezz]

I know that people are well meaning, but my DD is starting to get comments about her college search from friends, family and acquaintances, and it's starting to get really annoying!

This past weekend, one relative told her that one school she is considering is "really ugly" and not worth her time. NO, actually, it isn't "really ugly," just not her taste. It's a good school with a great program for DD and a place where she could likely get some much-needed merit-aid.

Another relative tried to steer her to a school that makes absolutely no sense for her.

Today, she was telling someone about one of her top choices (at the moment.) The woman said, "Oh you don't want to be going there, with your grades and scores, you need to look at some BETTER schools than that!" The school in question is a very good school, slective admissions of around 38%, where DD is right in the mid-50 percentile for stats(around 60-65%.)
All this is just making DD feel bad, and it's starting to really drive me nuts! We have a whole year to go!

Just smile and nod I guess...

[Reedite]

When I went through that process as a student a few years back, it was terrible. My situation was pretty much exactly how you described your daughter's. You really do have to smile and nod, unless you're willing to tell everybody to scram!

[rodney]

Smile, nod and do not discuss this with anyone but us (meaning CC parents)....

There is another parent on here that has the "standard" line to use; I don't know it exactly but it is something like, "There are a bunch of schools where I know I could be happy; thanks for asking!!"

[texaspg]

I asked someone a couple of years ago where their kid was applying and was given the answer - the usual suspects. I thought it was rude back then but having gone through the process, I understand the answer as a diversionary tactic!

[musicamusica]

"Smile, nod and do not discuss this with anyone but us (meaning CC parents)..."

Plenty of CC parents are just as bad, some of the misconceptions and preconceptions on this board are staggering.

She should just tell them " I've got a secret list....get ready for a shock later next year when I make my choice."

[stradmom]

Up until December: "Oh, she's still deciding." Followed by "Has your child made their final list yet?" or "Do you have any schools to recommend to her?"

December through April: "I promised her I wouldn't talk about it until all the results are in." Quickly divert topic of conversation.

After May 1: "She's delighted to have chosen X."

[limabeans]

Yup, that time of year. Read this for more comments, also started in May. Just smile and nod...smile and nod

[rodney]

tx stradmom.....I couldn't remember.......!!

[SansSerif]

Both my brother and I went to Penn State. I loved it; him, not so much. Which is fine. But he is rabid against Penn State. He keeps telling my D15 how it's an awful place and all wrong for her. He told me it's evil. (I had to laugh.)

Now, it may very well be the wrong place for her. Too big for her to deal with, most likely. But she's been there with us a lot (we visit regularly). It's a beautiful campus with lots to do - it's totally understandable that she'd want to go there. Her uncle ranting against it is going to actually hide all the legit reasons it may not be right for her because of his over the top approach.

Heck, I don't know what's right for her. She's in 9th grade. High school is HARD for her. Her grades aren't so hot, so she isn't getting to the main campus unless her GPA goes way up. And she has no idea what she wants to major in yet. So it's a bit premature for raving and ranting, but not for my brother, I guess.

[PolarBearVsShark]

"starting to get comments about her college search"

Ah. The basis of College Confidential.

[happymomof1]

My all-time favorite was the comment made to my niece by a cousin-in-law: "You really shouldn't go there. People say terrible things about the graduates. No, I'd better not tell you what I've heard, but they are just terrible."

[PolarBearVsShark]

Okay, then, CC people, let me get your reaction to this school which I will call "CB".

This school is reported to have lost 50% of its most recent graduating class due to attrition. It is in the "unlisted" section of USNWR. It is rural and apparently everyone leaves on the weekend because there is nothing to do. SAT/ACT score reports don't exist and the school does not want them. It has minimal endowment. It has an 87% acceptance rate. GPA ranges are not reported. The male female ratio is 1:2. It costs $46,000 or so to attend. Half of the courses deal with nursing and developmental psychology. The main photo on the admissions office webpage shows delapidation and poor maintenance (not the illustrious kind) in the infrastructure.

[NJSue]

What reaction are you looking for? The point is that people say rude/ignorant/silly things to your face about wherever your kid is thinking of going/going to school, and the only thing to do is to refuse to engage (i.e. smile and nod).

College is a consumer decision, like buying a house or a car. You don't need to justify your tastes and budget to other people. At all. In any way. And conversely if other people want to waste their money on a crummy place, it's their business.

[charlieschm]

Some people have really out of date ideas of how hard it is to get admitted today into a very selective college. They will encourage students to overreach.

Some people have very outdated ideas of the quality offered at some lesser known colleges.

And then some people really are trying to offer a reality check - to help make sure a friend or relative is not over-reaching in admissions difficulty and/or costs.

The more opinions you hear, the less any one opinion will matter.

[Seahorsesrock]

Why does anyone even know her grades and scores? If they do they do that's partly your fault.

Speak in generalities, east coast , north south, np specifics and for heavens sake don't shares grades and scores with anyone.