Moving when youngest is in college

[jym626]

Wow. Just wow.

[siemom]

I completely understand both positions and believe you need to go forward with the move. We moved when our freshman son left for college - all the way across the country! When he is home now, he is 2000 miles away from his friends. He hates it here - everything about it. I just listen. How could he not hate it - he didn't even see the house until December on his first trip home. He knew about the move and the reasons for it, but that doesn't mean it was easy for him.
We did try to replicate his room in the new house and did consult him about a couple of furniture changes and the paint color, wanting to make sure he understands this is still home.
He just announced that he will never, ever live in this state. I also nod and understand. It's just a time of so many emotions, but the adults still need to make the decisions. But I join the guilty party.

[sacchi]

When my S was a college freshman, he commented about how surprising it was that the parents of many of his friends had just moved, and it seemed like such a coincidence to him. I explained that a bunch of the parents had probably been wanting to move for a while, and were waiting until their kids graduated HS. That thought had never occurred to him - he was only seeing things from the kids' perspective.

I anticipate that I will probably move while D is in college - and more than 20 minutes away. I do feel slightly bad for her, since I know she won't like it. But it won't stop me from doing what makes sense for H and me. We've already sacrificed a lot to avoid moving while she is in HS.

[Merrymaid4]

Interesting. I managed to draw out a multitude of approaches to my post. And I have to lean more towards the stance that ds does not like change and we are a very "steady as she goes" family. So to put up his childhood home for sale, move away from his lifelong friends and tell him to "tough it up" is hard for me but I certainly wouldn't change my plans for him. He will accept whatever we do. This caught him off guard as we had been discussing the plan to buy land and built in a few years.

I wonder if my over concern for his feelings has anything to do with the fact that I was moved as a junior in high school over an hour from my hometown to a summer home that my parents winterized. I entered school as a senior that fall, had to make all new friends in a rural school of about 300 kids and I lost contact with most of my old friends I'd known through my entire childhood. I don't remember making a peep about having to move but on some levels, it surely had to have bothered me. Yes he's college age but change is change for some people.

[Seahorsesrock]

These are adults. They don't seem to have any problem going pff to college, making all sorts of new friends, yet, they expect everything to stay the same, for what, ever?

People move...houses sell...paint colors change...furniture changes....perhaps not having changes growing up doesn't make for strong adults.

Shouldn't he be happy that the change is good for his parents? That the change is necessary?

Generations of kids moved across continents, with no Internet, imagine, and they survived and supported their families. To have adult kids make parents feel bad for doing what they have to do is to me, yeah, I'm gonna say it, bratty.

Bet it fun having a kid come home who hates it so much he makes you all feel like garbage? That's a brat.

[GMTplus7]

I'll have to drive so far to see them (20 minutes)......" and tears!!!!!!!

20 minute in the same town-- lol...my kids would have been thrilled w 20 minutes in the same town. We've had to move every 4 years to a different CONTINENT for my job.

Does your son expect to move back in and live with you for the rest of his life, even after he graduates, gets a job, gets married, and starts a family?

[anniezz]

When I was a sophomore in college, my parents announced that they were moving across the country. They went from being an hour away from school, to a 6 hour plane ride. In that case, it was necessary for my father's job (transfer.) In your case, it's necessary for your financial future.

I was ok with it, and it was actually good for me - helped me to become more independent.
My older brother however (who was back home after graduating college) had a very hard time, and felt like they were abandoning him. He ended up moving in with another relative for a while, before he was able to get his feet under him.
I think that for some kids, it's just hard to deal with change, and they take it personally. But it doesn't mean that their feelings are justified, or that you are doing anything wrong. In your case, you certainly aren't doing anything wrong. He'll survive the 20-minute drive when he visits.

[PackMom]

We've recently sold our home of 23 years, the only home our sons have ever known. We are renting nearby but plan to move five hours away in the next couple of years..whenever DH can find an appropriate job in our chosen location.

This is no surprise to our boys. They've heard us talk about it for ten years.
I know it will seem odd to them to not be able to ever go back to the house they grew up in but they will be fine. They are making lives of their own now. Time spent visiting the parents is dwindling anyhow. If they want to come back to the hometown, they can stay with friends who are still here. That's pretty much what they do now even though we still live here!
OP, get your dream house while you can. You might now get the same chance again.

[calimami]

crying? over a move? very strange. hopefully he was reacting to some other stressor in his life (that you don't know about), or else he's in for a bumpy ride...

[frazzled1]

Bet it fun having a kid come home who hates it so much he makes you all feel like garbage? That's a brat.

And that's discourteous and disrespectful. Is it possible to make your point with civility? That's how we're supposed to do it.

[DrGoogle]

We're planning to move when the youngest one goes to college but she has told me she loved our city and she thought it's a great place to raise kids. It tugged at my heart a little bit when I heard that.

[jym626]

I hope when your child has some issue that is upsetting to them for whatever reason, seahorses, that you handle it with equal sensitivity and aplomb.

[GMTplus7]

I agree w Seahorses-- the kid sounds like a self-centered brat. The kid accepts that it is OK for him to go off to school to have new experiences, but everyone else is supposed to freeze their lives???

[Seahorsesrock]

I told my girls when they went to college we were going to redo their rooms. They were like cool just box our stuff and all we need is a bed. They are just thrilled to see us regardless of where and how.

I stand by my opinion. A grown man should not cry over his parents moving. And a sophmore in college is a grown man.

[GMTplus7]

A college soph is 19-20 years old. There are "boys" that age fighting in Afghanistan.