Does your college student use your credit card for dinners out? ...

[Pizzagirl]

Well if they're getting $200 a month allowance and have everything else paid for, I hope they save most of it.

I don't. H and I *want* them to spend it. They're only young once and we want them to have fun exploring the cities that their colleges are located in, going to concerts, having fun with friends, etc. They're going to start out their young adult working lives with excellent educations without a penny of debt, new cars, whatever wardrobes or other accoutrements they need - they'll be able to support themselves just fine at that point and I'm not worried. Let them enjoy when they have the time / opportunity. Too bad not every family can do that for their kids, but that's not my problem.

[insomniatic]

they'll be able to support themselves just fine at that point and I'm not worried.

What if they don't get jobs? There is a lot that can happen.

Let them enjoy when they have the time / opportunity.

When they have the time? Aren't they in school?

[Wellspring]

You know, I can't remember whose money I used for spending money in college. I know I had money from babysitting and summer jobs and I remember standing in line at the cashier's office to cash checks, but I don't know if it was my money or money from my parents. This was a very long time ago - 1968. Whichever it was, I guess I learned to be independent one way or another.

[romanigypsyeyes]

^^ I edited my post.

[jym626]

Our kids had spending money provided to cover expenses and incidentals. That amount went up when they lived off campus. We didn't pay their bills (rent, utilities, car-related expenses, etc)directly, but yes, we helped with some funds to cover some of these costs. We did not want to micromanage. We sat down with each of them before school started and discussed a budget. They have each generated their own income since HS, but we were happy to help defray college related expenses (direct and indirect). Our kids have learned to manage their funds, budget , pay bills on time, save, invest and be appreciative of their parents, the work/time it takes to generate income, and the gift of beig taught how to manage money. We make no excuses for the choices we made for our family.We are thrilled with the results.

[Tjolmsy]

I THINK people enjoy telling others how "privileged" they are/were or how they were "fortunate" enough to not have loans because their parents paid their school for them. My dad remarried into a very, very, VERY wealthy family, and my mother didn't. Before they got divorced, we had very little. You can go back in the tread and read my spiel about how my parents never helped me etc etc but that's not the point I'm trying to make. I'm saying that I've seen both ends of the polls here. As a child we had very little, then my dad remarried and moved me to FL where we lived on an island near Miami in a $900,000 house near my grandparents who lived in a house twice the cost. Then I turned 18 and was kicked out. Now I have nothing again, and I've managed to move back to my hometown and have made it by ALL on my own. I've learned that (subconsciously or not) people enjoy telling others how good they had/have it which makes this a pointless battle. Those who haven't had the luxury of money are ALWAYS going to be jealous and bothered by those who buy their children a lot, pay for school, give them credit cards etc. And those with lots of money will ALWAYS get all butt hurt and defensive when those without money call them on it. I SAY, let it be. Neither one of you will convince the other to understand where your coming from and all were doing is blowing up a thread with pointless banter. I've said my two cents. The end.

[insomniatic]

Those who haven't had the luxury of money are ALWAYS going to be jealous and bothered by those who buy their children a lot, pay for school, give them credit cards etc.

That I will disagree with. Like I stated before, I am very glad I learned independence by using my money that I earned to buy things instead of being handed money.

And those with lots of money will ALWAYS get all butt hurt and defensive when those without money call them on it. I SAY, let it be. Neither one of you will convince the other to understand where your coming from and all were doing is blowing up a thread with pointless banter. I've said my two cents. The end.

After 23 pages of this, I totally agree.

[romanigypsyeyes]

Those who haven't had the luxury of money are ALWAYS going to be jealous and bothered by those who buy their children a lot, pay for school, give them credit cards etc.

I absolutely disagree with you. I've done it on my own. Do I wish sometimes that I had help? Yes. Am I bitter or bothered? Absolutely not. Working and paying my own way, while very difficult, has given me a level of maturity and independence that I wouldn't trade for anything.

[moonchild]

I think what insomniatic wants those of us who have helped our kids by giving them financial support in college to say is, "Oh, yes, you're right. We have robbed our kids of the opportunity to be independent. They will never appreciate the value of money nearly as much as you do. We were so wrong and now our kids are spoiled and don't appreciate us or the value of a dollar because we supported them through college."

Except it's not true. My kids, many of their friends, and others on this board, apparently, have very successful kids who are well adjusted, happy, and self-sufficient, and who love and appreciate the help they received. But he can't acknowledge it. We must be delusional.

[insomniatic]

I absolutely disagree with you. I've done it on my own. Do I wish sometimes that I had help? Yes. Am I bitter or bothered? Absolutely not. Working and paying my own way, while very difficult, has given me a level of maturity and independence that I wouldn't trade for anything.

Wow. I agree with romanigypseyes.

I totally agree that it would have been nice to have spending money handed to me every now and then. But, like romani said, I wouldn't trade the experience for anything and it taught me so much about myself and it made me value the meaning of a dollar even more.

[emeraldkity4]

Actually I've noticed that many of the parents have quite a objective view of their children, especially as the kids grow into adults.
There isn't anything noble about doing without.

[insomniatic]

Like I said, you can't acknowledge it. So what have you done lately? Are you supporting yourself with a good job, your own apartment, a car you maintain, and college degree in hand? Are you happy and moving forward with your life? Do you have a circle of close friends? Do you feel that you have the love and support of your parents, and do you enjoy spending time with them?
I'd love to hear your story, and what you consider "success" for a young person in their 20s

I have a job that I love that supports me well. I have a roommate in an apartment and a car I maintain. To be specific I just got the oil change and got the tires rotated 8 days ago. I graduated with a BBA and I am extremely happy moving forward in my life. I have 4 close friends that I value dearly and I would do anything for them and they would do anything for me. I've known 2 for 10 years, 1 for 6 years, and 1 for just a year. I don't have financial support from my parents, but they support me in what I do. I get love and support from my grandparents as well and enjoy spending time with them as well. And to top it all off, I have about $40k in savings from money that I earned from working.

I consider anybody a "success" (no mater what age) to be somebody who is independent and who has a job that they they love and is passionate about.

[moonchild]

It sounds like you are doing very well! You and my 23 year old are in very similar places in life, it seems. His job is in the public sector working in a public policy position, and he really enjoys it, although isn't as lucrative as something he might do in the private sector. And, like your folks, we also support what he does, although not financially since he graduated two years ago.

So why all the energy toward parents who feel it's their obligation to support their kids through college? You have over 75 posts on this thread, lol!

I hope that you can come to value other people and their choices as you go through life, without having to put down those who don't think like you do. You have called our kids spoiled and the parents delusional. I don't sense there is a lot of respect from you for the parents on this board--unless they agree with you. Your opinions would hold a lot more weight with those you are trying to influence if you were more respectful.

I get that your folks didn't give you extra spending money. So what. You managed very well. My kids have lived with my having Stage IV cancer. They deal. Sometimes there are other ways of learning independence and gaining maturity that aren't measured in dollars and cents.
Use your passion and persistence on something meaningful. This is a waste of your time.

[insomniatic]

So why all the energy toward parents who feel it's their obligation to support their kids through college? You have over 75 posts on this thread, lol!

lol I guess it's just from personal experiences seeing some kids spoiled and then turning out to be adults who are not independent people and who get into debt.

My kids have lived with my having Stage IV cancer. They deal. Sometimes there are other ways of learning independence and gaining maturity that aren't measured in dollars and cents. Use your passion and persistence on something meaningful. This is a waste of your time.

I am sorry to hear that. I wish you all the best with your cancer.

I know it's a waste of time, but sometimes people get me so irritated. I guess that sometimes this site can get addicting and I have let it get to me.

Have a great night/day moonchild.

[jym626]

If a parent feels their child is a success, I take them at their word. It isn't necessary for them to justify it with evidence that may or may not match my opinion of success.

I agree with EK- posters in this and other threads are typically quite balanced in their view of their children. And as moonchild has so poignantly addressed, families my face many more than financial challenges. They may live with parents or grandparents with medical or mental health issues, they may have their own medical or mental health issues, they may have learning challenges to deal with.

The goal for our kids, whether it involves the original purpose of this discussion or not (letting them use our credit cards for meals) is for them to become responsible, independent adults. And there are many, many paths to that goal. Some stray off that path during their journey, but hopefully will all catch that golden ring in the end.

Best to you and your family, moonchild.