Move-in day etiquette: first come, first served?

[paying3tuitions]

Situations can be very unequal. S-1 arrived early at a crowded tripled double with a room divider. If he wanted to be selfish, looking at the way the college laid out the room, he could have claimed the portion with one bed/one desk, and left the other two to share the other half.

Instead, he pulled all three beds into the back room, and all three desks into the front room. Meanwhile, he unpacked. When the other 2 arrived, he asked if they liked his tentative solution. They agreed it was making the best of a bad situation. Up and down the hallways, everyone else was upset. This dorm has since been razed.

[1or2Musicians]

That is crazy!

I was in a small quad my freshman year. Someone mentioned floor space if you don't unpack--yeah, in my room, it would have been sheer madness for 3 people's stuff to be sitting in the middle of the floor waiting on roommate #4.

Despite being allgedly the smallest quad on campus, my room did have 4 of everything. As I recall, 3 of us got there within a few minutes of each other and kind of picked sides. The other two picked the left side, and I chose the right. There was really not any difference--the room was pretty symmetical.

Each side had a shared closet, so I put my stuff in ours (and no, it didn't take up the whole closet), and I chose a desk and dresser. Those were moveable, so if 4th rommate had wanted to we could have moved them around. I *think* I went ahead and took the top bunk in case she preferred the bottom--it seems that if people have a preference it's for the bottom bunk. I really didn't care. I might have just put my bedding on that bunk and waited for her to decide who got which one.

But like I said it would have made no sense for all of us to sit around and wait for her to do any unpacking, given the limited space. I think it's fine to start unpacking as long as you're not a total jerk about it as in the triple situation above. And I'm sure these days it's much easier because kids can communicate more beforehand and possibly even during the unpacking.

[paying3tuitions]

Translating the term "tripled double" - due to housing space shortage, 3 first-year students are assigned to one room that was built for two residents. The college jams in furniture for 3 students. The above situation also had a floor-to-ceiling room divider, making things extremely difficult.

I realize that's an unusual situation, but shows that move-in is a good time to be wide-minded and fair.

S-2 was assigned to a spacious and real triple in one large room. The two early arrivals from 2,000 and 3,000 miles away couldn't wait for the third to arrive near midnight from 200 miles (his parents' fault, it seems). So don't assume Peoria gets there last.

Everything the two did as far as unpacking was "draft" until #3 could arrive. After some minor re-arranging, away from the parents who were all eyeballing each other.. 3 students worked things out great. One small discrepancy (bunk bed v. single) they addressed by agreeing they could change just bed locations after a month. When the time came, nobody minded anything. Two continued as roommates in following years. All are friends post-college.

[CTTC]

Did ask for bunk bed to make room for 3rd desk/dresser in room. Request was denied.

While I'm glad this isn't going to be for the school year, it still doesn't seem right. I assume the cost is the same for all three, even though one of them (your d) doesn't have as much furniture as the others. Is this an expensive summer program? If so (and maybe even if it isn't!), I'd be complaining to the college or university where this program is being held. It's just not right.

[moonchild]

^^Yes, sahp, a very good lesson in assertiveness for your daughter. Fortunately, as a summer program, the stakes are not high. And since she'll probably never see these girls again, she won't have to live with lingering resentment.
I can only imagine if this happened to my kid. Her clothes, books and junk would have been sitting all over the room in short order, and they would have been begging her to take some closet space within a week.

My advice for parents regarding this issue is, almost universally, to stay out of it. Don't even bring up the possibility of there being an inequitable situation. If you arrive and the roomie is already there and set up, take the other side, help your kid unpack and say NOTHING. And no dirty looks. If you get there first, let your kid take the lead about how much to unpack, what bed to take or not, and whatever. Don't advise. Let them handle whatever inequities exist, however they feel comfortable. The last thing they need is for mom to say,"Gee, this bed is set up against the dormer. Are you sure you'll have enough room? " or "It's too bad that your desk is behind the door." Why borrow trouble?

Your kids have four years in which to have big rooms with large closets, small rooms with no closets, beds against the wall and desks under windows or behind doors. Some years will be better than others. It will be different every year, and every year goes by with the speed of light. Making an issue of this will not help your kid adjust and be happy. Let them negotiate if there is something to negotiate, and if they choose not to, let it be. They'll survive, and probably be much happier if we don't give them the impression that it matters if one gets the "best bed" in every situation.

And I applaud paying3tuition's son. Our kids can handle these things when we let them. And if not, at least they have learned something for next time.

[ordinarylives]

Was the last to arrive in my quad back in the 80s. Got the worst bed and the desk with no drawers. But, what might have been the alternative? Somebody was going to get the worst bed and the desk with no drawers. And I'm quite sure nobody wanted those. First come, first serve seems as good a way as any. Anyway, I was out by semester. Not because of the room arrangement, but because 2 of the girls lied about being smokers on their housing app.

At d's school, she gets a request card and tells housing which pieces of furniture she wants. The dressers are built in between the closets.

[Hunt]

Not because of the room arrangement, but because 2 of the girls lied about being smokers on their housing app.

This is another reason parents shouldn't even look at their kids' housing preference forms.

[nj2011mom]

First come, first served on move-in last August. We were up against Hurricane Irene's arrival, so there wasn't time to spare. The school moved the start time of move-in up 2 hours (to 7am from 9am) and cancelled all other activities that day, even suggesting we take our Freshman home for the weekend. (not...it was a cement dorm with no trees nearby, a bit more sturdy than our wood house surrounded by taller trees).

We were 10th in line and had her fully moved-in in <2 hours. Roommate arrived about 60 minutes after we did.

[geeps20]

you snooze, you lose...life lesson. The early arrivals standing in the room twiddling their thumbs waiting for others who CHOSE to sleep in later or stop at Starbuck's is crazy.

[Marian]

The early arrivals standing in the room twiddling their thumbs waiting for others who CHOSE to sleep in later or stop at Starbuck's is crazy.

At the college my daughter attended, freshmen were divided into three groups based on their last names, and each group was assigned to move in during a different portion of the day.

Snooze-you-lose is one thing; alphabetical order is another.

[Seahorsesrock]

Tough for parents to have to wait when they might have a plane to catch. Be grown up pick a side but be fair. Having two sets of parents and kids setting up at the same time is a nightmare. It's chaos. It's actually very difficult. We weren't there to help set up we were there to carry stuff, break down boxes etc

I can't imagine all four of the girls in my daughters room doing it all at once.

What my daughters did as there were bunks was agree if after the first semester they wnted to swap, that would be done.

[nj2011mom]

The minute we walked into D1s room, I noted the furniture was laid out oddly and recommended we move it to maximize floor space. (others on the floor already were). She told me to stop saying that and it was fine. Fast forward a month to my first visit...of course furniture was arranged how I suggested it!

[moonchild]

^^ Your D probably wanted to get her room mate's input on any changes before doing too much. So you raised a thoughtful child!

(You might prefer to think of it that way, rather than thinking her a stubborn one. )

[paying3tuitions]

While waiting or draft-unpacking, an early student can walk around to see how other roommates down the halls are arranging the same moving parts. Doors are generally all open. This can generate new ideas for arrangements-- but the source is their peers, so it's solid gold.

[mathmom]

Personally I wish other schools had rules like Harvard that said the roommates had to be present and agree on a division of the room. My son's roommate last year took by far the best side of the room. My son couldn't even sit up in bed without hitting his head on the ceiling. OTOH sometimes the other kid arrives so late, it makes life really difficult. In which case I'd move in, but make it clear that I was amenable to rearranging if it seemed unfair. At Harvard where the suites are often arranged with a living room and two very unequally sized bedrooms for four kids, it really does take some discussion. Often kids agree to switch midyear or find other ways to make things more fair.