Parents do not approve of my major

[mortuaryhopeful]

Hello all! I am a newbie here seeking some advice.

I'm graduating early this December, and after graduation I want to go to mortuary college, since my dream is to become a funeral director...like, it's truly a calling.

Parents aren't going for this idea at all. In fact, they think it's weird. They thought my interest was just "a phase" and that I would eventually grow out of it. Then, I got the opportunity to work at a funeral home my junior year of high school, and my experience there only confirmed what I already knew; that I was meant to be in that line of work.

Both my parents are very open to talking about college, as they ride me pretty hard about my grades and extra-curriculars. But they want me to major in something that, in their opinion, will put me in a better position to get a job (nursing, business, etc). I'm not interested in ANYTHING else but they are pressuring me to pick one of the universities I applied to because they have already said they will not pay for me to attend mortuary college.

Their reasoning is mostly based on my dad's opinions about the industry. His best friend's parents growing up had a funeral business, so he thinks that makes him some kind of expert. His reasons are:

1.) I won't be able to find a job because there are no shortage of morticians. There won't be that many positions available and the few that are out there will be too competitive.
2.) Most of the funeral homes are family owned and operated, meaning that they would not be open to hiring someone outside of the family.
3.) It's an industry that doesn't look favorably about female applicants because it's a "boy's club", meaning most funeral directors are men.
4.) Most programs I applied to are associate degree programs. My dad's concern is that I will stop there and won't pursue a bachelor's degree.

Some of his reasons I have disproven, but he still doesn't take me seriously. Parents have sat me down and told me what they are willing to do regarding school, but none of it makes me happy. My mom thinks that I should just go to one of my safeties and that once I get there I will like it and become interested in something else. Dad says I need to "get serious about my education", buckle down, and start making better decisions. So this is where I'm stuck.

One thing I might mention is that my parents are just really worried about me being able to support myself. Five years ago, when my older sister graduated from high school, they paid for her to go to a top cosmetology school. She is now a licensed hair stylist but she is barely making it, and they are paying for her car payment and half of her rent. They have told me time and time again that they don't want the same thing to happen to me, so that is why I need to choose something practical.

Anyway, kinda unsure about what to do =/ I feel really frustrated and I'm not sure about how I can change their mind about this.

[bovertine]

Tell dad to bury his preconceived notions and stop being so rigid in his thinking.

[Shrinkrap]

Are there any other avenues to becoming a funeral director? It seems like a business degree would come in handy. Or "hospitality".


http://www.more.com/funeral-career-advice

Looks like mortuary science is an associates degree.Maybe you could take some classes. I have family in that industry, and there does seem to be some ....family stuff going on.

[mathinokc]

Is there a local school you can go to for mortuary college?

Is there anyway that you can continue supporting yourself while going to school? If you can't support yourself, then you're going to have to take your parents' feelings/concerns into account in some way.

Have you investigated job placement rates from the schools you're interested in? Talked to seniors and/or recent alums to see what types of jobs they got?

Mortuary College seems like the kind of thing that would be complemented by a degree in business (accounting or marketing), psychology, or religion. I'm sure other parents can think of other relevant degrees.

The local 4 year school (local to me) that offers a funeral services degree offers a dual degree in forensics, also. Maybe something like that would put your parents' minds at rest?

There's some information on college scholarships for funeral services here:
UCO: Funeral Services-scholarship

Are your parents able to help you pay for college? Or is the support for your older sister consuming so much that they're worried about helping you, too?

[mom2collegekids]

there's truth to the notion that these businesses are "family owned" and passed down generation to generation.

I agree with Shrink.....go the Business degree first, then do the mortuary route.

In the meantime, find a family owned mortuary that doesn't have a younger family member who will want to "take over"....maybe they will make you an "honorary family member" and let you work there and eventually take over/buy the business.

[KKmama]

I am a pastor and work with several female funeral directors. One is 25 years old (graduated from HS with my older daughter, in fact). She is not from a family that is in the business, just decided, like you, that she was interested in the profession when in high school. She is now employed by the funeral director that she shadowed while in HS. He helped her get an internship elsewhere, than took her in when she graduated. I think Matt wanted a female staff member and sees her as an asset, as are the other female funeral directors I know.

She doesn't own her business, but likes being an employee without having to worry about the business aspect of the job. She makes enough money and, as she said the other day, she isn't the one who ulitmately has to deal with the disasters (one she cited was the florist forgetting to deliver flowers for a Saturday afternoon service, and no way to make good on that).

See if the funeral director you worked with can help you line up employment where you'd like to go to school (the woman I mentioned above got a free apartment as part of her while-in-school job) to help you pay your own way through.

[moonchild]

I'm not interested in ANYTHING else...

Why not? And how can you be so sure that this is what you want to do if you haven't explored other options? I think I'd want my kid to get a more general education in either business, marketing or the liberal arts in case, a few years down the road, this career isn't as satisfying as you thought it would be. You could work part-time or intern for a mortuary during college and make some connections. When you graduate, you would have work experience as well as a college degree.

If your parents are willing to pay for a four-year degree, this is your chance to broaden yourself and to set yourself up for whatever the future may bring.

[GLOBALTRAVELER]

Ummm....

I am a parent and although my daughter is almost age 10, there WILL be provisions on how much will I pay for college and some of those provisions WILL be tied to the selected major.

[patsmom]

Tell dad to bury his preconceived notions and stop being so rigid in his thinking.

Bovertine, LOL!!

[compmom]

I think this is a great idea for a path after high school. The fact that you are female is a great advantage, too. I think the baby boomer generation is going to make the funeral industry a very interesting career,and will bring some needed changes to it.

I considered this at one time, mainly because I was interested in end-of-life issues after the death of a loved one, and was not entirely happy with the rituals offered us. I was also interested in the ways in which "natural childbirth" had equivalents in terminal care and funeral concerns. I have a great book by a midwife who worked at both ends of life.

You will have a good paying job long before your peers graduate from college. Undergraduate business is hardly a "broad education." It used to be looked at as vocational, narrow, and ultimately limiting. If practicality is now guiding choices, yours is an excellent one in that regard.

Once you have your associates, and are working, you have many ways to broaden your education, in ways that tie in to funeral work and ways that don't. Religion, psychology, human services, biology, even pre-med. You can take classes while working in one of the many "adult learner" programs, or study while still college-age.

I am reading a great book entitled "The Accordion Family," that just came out, about how young adults around the world are still unable to function as independent adults, and often still live at home into their thirties. The book makes the point that this is not a slacker generation, and education is not failing them per se, but that globalization and economic factors are making it impossible for young people to get ahead.

One really big factor, as everyone here knows, is student loans, which accumulate for 4 year degrees that, in our economy, land kids behind counters in stores. Your plans will save your parents from those huge 4 year loans and provide a healthy living as well.

Your sister's situation is better than most, honestly, and should not scare your parents into influencing your plans as a result.

[teachandmom]

I would encourage you to consider getting your AA in mortuary science, and then follow it up with a BA in a related major. A close friend from childhood works at a funeral home as a grief counselor, and also does art therapy for a community group. Would that satisfy your parents to know that you were studying things which interested you AND could provide many ways to make money? Think "outside the box" (sorry for the pun) and you may find your parents more agreeable. I think feeling called to help loved ones during their time of grief is a very honorable calling - think of how many people won't even consider such a career. Figure out what aspects of the career appeal the most to you, and go from there. Your parents will warm up as they see you are thinking broadly. Good luck.

[atomom]

My cousin's wife is a funeral director--family business. My cousin was told he needed to become an embalmer/mortician if he wanted to marry her--so he did. That was many years ago. They own two funeral homes now and have a nice lifestyle. There aren't many people who feel called to this profession, so if you do, go for it. IMO, being female should be an advantage, not a disadvantage. I'm not sure why your parents would discourage you or think you wouldn't make a living. (It is a "growth industry" after all.)