Hey Parents, This is about MY parents.

[FantasyVesperia]

Hello, it's nice to meet everybody. Here's a little something about myself : I'm a rising Junior in high school, and I'm 16 and growing lol. So, I feel like my parents are not really pushing me as hard as other parents. My friends will complain, and say, "My parents make me study for hours everyday..." and things like that. My parents don't really push me, they're really laid back about my education. Sometimes I feel like they're not pushing me hard enough. They tell me to get good grades and right from wrong and stuff like that. I just feel a little different from everybody.

What do you guys think of this?

[davidthefat]

Push yourself. Don't rely on others to push you. All limits are self imposed.

[MizzBee]

Not every parent is pushing, nor do they need to. Are they supportive of your goals? Are they proud of you? Do they trust you and give you freedom to make mistakes and learn from them? That kind of parenting will make you a better person.

Are you studying enough for you to feel successful? If so, great. If not, then you already know that yourself and need to get the motivation from within. After all, not everyone who goes to college has the motivation to do well, and learning to control your own habits will make it easier to find your own motivation.

[Marian]

Different parents have different styles. So do different kids.

If you're managing to do well in school even though your parents don't push you, you will have an advantage when you get to college. In college, parents aren't there to push their kids every day, and some students find it difficult to keep up with their work if they aren't constantly being reminded. You won't have that problem.

One thing to think about, though: Is it possible that your parents aren't pushing you because they themselves were not very academic? Or because they didn't go to college? If they didn't go to college themselves, they may not know much about the college admissions process. So you may want to pick up a few books about college admissions and read some Web site, including this one, to find out about it yourself if they can't walk you through it.

One place to start: As an 11th grader, you should take the PSAT this year. The sign-up comes early in the year. You sign up through your high school, so ask the guidance department how to do it.

[SteveMA]

Parents shouldn't have to push kids, the kids should have their own motivation to do well....

We don't push our kids, we don't "make" them study, they do it on their own because they have dreams and goals they want to achieve and know they can't do that without getting good grades.

[Jobiska]

You might also consider whether their parents (both sets, or at least one) might have been overly pushy or controlling; often we parents try hard not to repeat the mistakes our parents made on us, and sometimes we might not sense that our kids need or want something different. But that said, I agree in principle with the folks above who say it's up to you to push yourself.

However! If you realize that one of your weaknesses is motivation, scheduling, time management, organization, anything like that, and you are afraid that will affect how you approach the whole "life after HS" process, don't be afraid to ask for help at school or at home. If you have a good guidance/college counselor, ask for advice on how to work out the timeline of applications and pacing yourself and stuff; if you don't feel you have a good rapport, feel free to ask your parents to help you figure out tools to get better at it yourself (but NOT to do it for you!). For example, you could say "help me work out a schedule so I can add in x hours a week for researching colleges, but that doesn't affect my chores, schoolwork, etc."

My son's school excelled at helping kids identify their learning styles, places they needed to advocate for themselves, and time management, and I was a little envious because I never had that and am still not good at it. But don't expect anyone to automatically provide it--try to figure out what you need and how to get help for it--there is no shame in asking for help if needed.

[sally305]

Others have said it better, but I will just add my son's experience with a non-pushy mother (that would be me). He was surrounded in high school by super-competitive kids who were pushed at school, in sports, in their ECs, and so on. I had recognized when my son was very young that that kind of external pressure only made him shut down, so I didn't apply it (nor do I believe it works). He is now headed to a college that is a perfect fit for him, that he chose on his terms. He could not be more excited. He is thinking about what he wants to study, learning the ropes of dealing with college finances, and already making adult-type decisions about coming home for the holidays. I'm very proud of him, but more important--he is proud of himself. His dad and I have been there for support and encouragement, but we have trusted him to find his path. Maybe that's how your parents feel about you.

[M's Mom]

I'm with sally 305! Our kids push themselves so hard - we often find ourselves on the other side, trying to remind them that grades aren't everything and balance is important. My daughter does an excellent parody of me exhorting her to take time off to enjoy life.

Perhaps your parents feel the same way? If you are very driven or react negatively to pressure, pushing you even harder would be counter-productive.

[stradmom]

Just because the Tiger Mom stereotype is popular these days does not mean that it is that common (except maybe among CC poster families?) - and it's just one effective approach. Some people can go to the gym but only accomplish their workout when they hire a trainer to bark at them and lead them through their exercise while others would find that to be a nightmare, for example. Maybe your parents trust that you are capable of making your own decisions about your own success. But if you asked them to help you in some specific way - remind you to study for the SATs every night, for instance - I bet they'd be more than happy to do so.

[FantasyVesperia]

Thank you guys so much.

[Eightisgreat]

Every parent parents differently. Your parents are not responsible for this. It is just a bonus...or non bonus, that the other kids have this. I think you are fine.

[WordWorld]

Are you getting good/great grades and otherwise taking care of business? Are you taking at least some advanced classes? If so, your parents don't NEED to nag you. If the answer is "No" and you dream of going to a good college, you need to be more proactive and nag yourself. You are young, but sixteen is not too young to start to take charge of your own life. Be sure to take the PSAT and start studying for the SAT. If you go to the College Board website, you can sign up for the SAT question of the day, that is a good place to start. Good luck!

[Hanna]

I think it's a normal teenage experience to feel like your family is weird compared to other families. There's usually some truth to it, because every family is weird in its own way. Academic pressure, religion, discipline, housekeeping...there are just a lot of ways for parents to be different from others. There are teenagers who are frustrated because their parents are too conformist.

[mathmom]

I really didn't push my kids. My oldest pulled me into advocating him so he ended up doing as much acceleration as we could manage to get his schools to agree to. My younger son wishes now that we'd pushed him a little more, but my philosophy is that your motivation has to come from within you. I've seen too many kids fall apart when they get to college and don't have parents nagging them. I sent my kids off to college pretty confident that they were independent learners.

[Lakemom]

That famous question: To push or not to push.

It is hard sometimes for a parent to know how much to push or not but ultimately it is up to the student. When my S was younger, I pushed him to get his work done early because I felt it was stressful to leave it for later. Otherwise, I mostly told him he should perform at the level he was capable of so that he knew he had done his best.

Junior year was so full of tests that I helped him get organized to get them all spread out so I would prompt him to start studying for which ever test was up. But, in Jr year, if I tried to push him to get his work done earlier than he wanted, he pushed back saying he had things organized the way he wanted. So I stopped and in Senior year I no longer did any reminding or pushing of school work.