Advice please-Roommate from hell- already!

[mathmom]

LOL, jym, I heard about the hoop skirts when we visited, and those hallways are wide, but not the rest of it. My junior year I was in a suite that was formed from what had originally been two suites, so there was a fire door between two of the rooms. We had four single bedrooms and a nice living room, but there was no way to get to a bathroom without walking through a bedroom. My bedroom was of the attendant type. Miniscule.

[Consolation]

The problem is really that schools are cramming more students into their dorms than they were originally designed for in order to maximize the payoff on their facilities. And given that most students are sexually active, these living situations are simply insupportable, IMHO. I really think that everyone benefits from A Room of One's Own. My S had a good setup his freshman year: a 2-person suite where each student had a very small bedroom, big enough basically for just the bed and desk, connected by a small common room. The wardrobes were in the common room, but it was big enough for their minifridge and a futon couch. Or they could have had a few beanbag chairs. In any case, no one had to walk through anyone else's bedroom, and each person had a place where they could go and close the door. But this dorm was purpose-built, probably in the 60s. Senior year, he lived in one of those older 2-room, 2-person suites. The outer room was clearly intended to be a study, with a small fireplace (non-working, alas) and a coat closet. The inner room, with the big closet, was intended to be the bedroom. I suppose that he and his friend could have chosen to put both beds in the inner room and both desks in the outer room, but they chose the 2-bedroom option instead.

[jym626]

SOP 14's Mom's post above pointed out the value of the historical preservation of these buildings, rather than retrofitting them to meet todays living arrangements. It made me think about the historical fun facts (which are hopefully true) vs the probable tall tales that are perpetuated at many shcools, and thought it would be fun to share some. So I started another thread where we could share stories about schools' historical facts (please correct any errors) as well as some probable tall tales. Please share. It will be fun to hear abut the history of schools. College Historical "facts" and probable tall tales

[rigaudon]

JYM, could you explain about the "attendant" you mentioned, not familiar with that in college dorm setting. Wondered if the "attendant" served as a chaperone, did each female student have one, etc. Thanks

[jym626]

We are talking 150 or so years ago, when some single ladies had assistants help them with hair, dressing, etc. and would go to school with their staff, as it were.

[songman]

Well as many predicted here the girls do not have the nerve to deal with the dictator roommate or to report her to the RA. The boyfriend has cut down on visits yet he is still there three days a week, just not consecutive 3 day visits. My neighbor decided to stay out of the drama and let her daughter solve the problem. Especially given all the issues the family had dealt with in the past with the older daughter. And so it goes...By the way the RA is not able to see the boyfriend come in and out as the RA is located on a different floor and there is no sign in book at the school according to the neighbor’s daughter or the boyfriend ignores the policies. The neighbor’s daughter decided she will room with someone else next year and said "I will suffer through the year...well it is not that bad" Stockholm syndrome

[HarvestMoon1]

3 non-consecutive visits per week, while irritating to the roomies, probably falls within the acceptable guidelines of the school. So.............. perhaps this thread will finally be put to rest. RIP!

[cptofthehouse]

I suggest that the parent check with housing and find out if the rooms are assigned or if it is truly a first come first serve. At my son's college, even with the kids having 4 separate rooms, the rooms are differently priced. A kid in the bigger room pays more. They found out by accident. The girl with the boyfriend may not be in her "assigned" room.

What has to be done is that all of the girls have to go to the RA together and explain the situation if the boyfriend is staying there ALL of the time. Or they have to just tolerate it. Unless there is consensus or the college has a rule on this, there isn't much that can be done. THis sort of situation has led to all sorts of problems to a number of families we know.

It's a problem even with a room of one's own when in an apartment or suite situation, someone has a constant companion that is practically live-in status who is not desirable. My friend DD's roommate took up with a gangster type guy AND his friends which made her feel very uncomfortable, to put it mildy and unsafe. It did accelerate in danger as the boyfriend did become threatening and it was a very bad situation that caused a semester sit out for the daughter all because of an unfortunate boyfriend choice of her roommate. It doesn't usually go that far, but yes it can. THere was a thread here where a student was unhappy that her roommates SO was a convicted felon with assault in the rap sheet and sexual assualt in the charges.

[Consolation]

Three random nights per week is not ideal, but on the other hand they are not being sexiled, either. Just wait until another one of them gets a BF...

[cptofthehouse]

My son was not happy having to get a single this year because no one invited him into a space and that was what came up in the housing lottery for him. But his cousin is having suitemate problems and they have been accelerating, which I think is even worse. Problem roommates are very common on the college scene.

My other kids rented out houses with 5-6 of them in it together and there wasn't a peep out of any of them But then, it seemed to me that every hobo and vagrant around campus also camped out there and none of them cared.

[songman]

Consolation said: Just wait until another one of them gets a BF...

oh yeah ,,,,then my neighbor's daughter will have to get out the room as she shares the larger room with a roommate. Meanwhile the dictator will proceed with life as usual.. Then the neighbor's daughter will come running to her mother I guess. I wonder if boys run into the same nonsense?- Do they have to get out the room cause the roommate has a girlfriend over?. I am sure it has happened...just somehow occurs less with male roomates? It has been a long time since I attended college

Sorry Harvest I guess this thread won't die

[Consolation]

songman, in general, in my experience girls come running to the 'rents more, starting at about age 4.

Of course, your neighbor's D might be the one with the BF.