Student Making Threats Against My Daughter

umdclassof80 · 09-19-2012, 02:18 PM

I posted a thread about 2 weeks ago in this forum entitled Student With Mental Illness. It concerned a friend of my D's at college who had been acting very strange since returning to school. She noticed that he had been cutting himself and was being extremely reclusive and antisocial. She and her friends were so concerned about their friend's safety that they went to the RA. The RA spoke with him. This was followed up with a meeting with the community director. My D does not know the outcome of that meeting. I assume it is confidential.

Two weeks later, things are even more bizarre. This guy is keeping a report on his computer that documents "incidents" concerning my D and her friends. He is keeping detailed records of everything that they say and do that makes him angry. Apparently, just about everything that they do makes him very mad. He's talking about taking REVENGE against them. My D has discovered that he is stalking her and another girlfriend on Facebook and Tumblr.

Needless to say, I'm VERY concerned! I don't know what this guy is capable of doing. But, I do know that he needs to be evaluated by a mental health professional ASAP. I want my D to make sure that he is brought to the attention of the appropriate personnel on campus right away. I don't want this to fall through the cracks.

This guy used to be romantically interested in my D last year. She made it clear that she just wanted to be friends with him. He said that he had accepted that, but now I'm not so sure he has. Unfortunately, he's in four of my D's classes this semester.

I could really use some advice and support right now from the CC community.

zoosermom · 09-19-2012, 02:25 PM

I went through a stalking situation with a classmate's mother stalking my daughter while she was in high school (my D, not the mother). I can't implore you enough to get law enforcement involved now. Yesterday, in fact. Please don't put it in the hands of the college because they have an agenda that may or may not be in your daughter's best interests. Contact the actual, honest to goodness police, and if you are able, get a lawyer, too. Please, please, please. Please. Contact the police right now.

WordWorld · 09-19-2012, 02:32 PM

I agree, inform law enforcement. If he has made posts which could be considered threatening, be sure to save them (print if possible) so he can't delete and deny. She is keeping her door locked and traveling in pairs or more, right? Does he have a roommate who might have insight to his situation? Any other peers?
My sincere sympathies and good luck.

nysmile · 09-19-2012, 02:34 PM

She and her friends can easily block him from viewing their Facebook postings using the Privacy settings.

From the beginning, I questioned why she and her friends continued to associate and hang out with this obviously strange guy. If they are still doing so, they need to stop now.

If she feels threatened, she should call the real police--not the campus police. If she has written proof or recordings of him mentioning revenge, bring them to the attention of the real police.

Shrinkrap · 09-19-2012, 02:40 PM

"This guy is keeping a report on his computer that documents "incidents" concerning my D and her friends. He is keeping detailed records of everything that they say and do that makes him angry. Apparently, just about everything that they do makes him very mad. He's talking about taking REVENGE against them."

I don't have any advice, sorry, but how do they know this?

umdclassof80 · 09-19-2012, 02:49 PM

Shrinkwrap -- A friend of this guy spoke to my D yesterday in confidence. He said he was quite concerned about this guy. That he is acting very strange and has a lot of anger issues. He wanted to warn my D that this guy is talking about taking revenge against her and her friends. He said he had seen the file on his computer with the "incidents."

sevmom · 09-19-2012, 02:55 PM

So, what did this "friend of this guy" expect your daughter and her friends to do with this information?

umdclassof80 · 09-19-2012, 02:56 PM

Wordworld --

"Does he have a roommate who might have insight to his situation? Any other peers?"

His roommate is actually one of my D's friends who is being threatened. They all hang out together. This guy has one other friend who spoke to my D yesterday. He was the one who warned her of the threats.

She and her friends have come to the conclusion that they can't hang out with this guy any longer. Even though they are concerned about his well being, he's obviously got some serious mental health issues that they can't deal with.

nysmile · 09-19-2012, 02:57 PM

Why didn't the friend with the first hand knowledge about the threat of revenge report the information to the Director of Housing and the Campus Security?

"She and her friends have come to the conclusion that they can't hang out with this guy any longer. Even though they are concerned about his well being, he's obviously got some serious mental health issues that they can't deal with."

^sorry to be so blunt, but DUH! Unless they're enjoying the drama of it all, they should have stopped socializing with him a long time ago.

sevmom · 09-19-2012, 03:00 PM

Even if they are no longer going to hang out with him, he certainly still needs to be checked out if he is becoming increasingly angry and paranoid. He may be a danger to himself or others outside their circle. I am sorry you and your daughter are going through this scary situation.

CollectivSynergy · 09-19-2012, 03:09 PM

Call the police, the campus security cannot/will not ever do anything useful in this sort of circumstance. Nor, most of the time, will the administration, RA, or any other authority figure tied to the school. Detail and get hard proof of as much of this as you can too. Your D should also take basic security precautions like making sure the door's locked when they leave (something that surprisingly few college students do if they doors aren't set to lock by default). And obviously, don't walk around alone at night unless you have to (though depending on the campus, she should be doing this already...).

It may also be worth getting one or two non-lethal, unobtrusive self-defense tools (a hard plastic pointer you can attach to a lanyard or a small flashlight with metal edges), mostly if it makes her feel better.

umdclassof80 · 09-19-2012, 03:12 PM

"Why didn't the friend with the first hand knowledge about the threat of revenge report the information to the Director of Housing and the Campus Security?"

I don't know why he didn't. My D said that he didn't want to get involved. He thought that she should know what was going on (and rightly so).

umdclassof80 · 09-19-2012, 03:24 PM

CollectivSynergy --

"Call the police, the campus security cannot/will not ever do anything useful in this sort of circumstance. Nor, most of the time, will the administration, RA, or any other authority figure tied to the school."

Why won't anyone affiliated with the university get involved or do anything? I would think with the numerous high-profile cases of campus mass murders (i.e. VA Tech) that the university would take things like this seriously.

She said that the RA thinks that this can be resolved by having this guy sit down with my D and her friends and "talk things out." I think that would be pointless.

zoosermom · 09-19-2012, 03:28 PM

Contact the police. The student life people and campus police have jobs to do and acting in your daughter's interests would be strictly incidental.

ttparent · 09-19-2012, 03:37 PM

From all that I read, what has he done that warrants a police to get involved? What does that REVENGE incident supposedly reported by another friend entail? Maybe it is the right thing to do to get the police involved but you better have a lot more than facebook watching and keeping journal of bad behaviors. Does he verbally abuse your D on a daily basis when they see each other? What other indications or behaviors that make your D feel threatened?