Helicoptering or Helping?

[OperaDad]

> If I let my kid do an extra semester, the cost would be about 28K.

My D finished up one class at the local college during the summer after her Senior year. Hopefully it is a class she can pick up at another college.

[SteveMA]

I asked my high school seniors how they would feel if I called the school to ask about how they should make up an Incomplete--they both said they would be MAD if I did that and by senior year in high school a student should be MORE than able to handle this themselves----not to mention college.

One more class will NOT cost $28K.

[QuantMech]

There's no need for anyone, including the student, to call the school to find out the deadline for making up an incomplete. This must be a matter of published record. It just needs to be located. Having "rules" that anyone needs to call the Registrar to learn would be a nightmare for all involved.

[prefect]

No, another class will not cost 28k, but at least one poster said they would let a kid repeat a semester if necessary.

I would not call the school but I would nag my kid and let her know I expected that part of my investment in her education was expecting her to graduate on time.

[colorado_mom]

"She is PAST the time by about 10 years that she should have learned this and this is likely her last chance as a school kid to learn this hard lesson." - These comment may not fit the case of OP, but I'll post then in case helpful to other readers.

There are a few very bright kids (more %-wise on CC threads than in the real world) that whiz through ms brains on alone. They don't get the chance to learn the hard lessons in ms and forge good study skills. The failures come later in tough AP/IB hs classes or in college.

[WoundTooTight]

I asked my high school seniors how they would feel if I called the school to ask about how they should make up an Incomplete--they both said they would be MAD if I did that and by senior year in high school a student should be MORE than able to handle this themselves----not to mention college.

This is, of course, what my D would say, too. And she would say that she knows it is her responsibility to follow up, and bad things will happen if she doesn't. But just because she can say these things does not mean that she actaully will do them. And the idea that if she had failed a quiz in middle school, then we would not have this problem now is just laughable. She failed *many* quizzes in middle school because she was not paying attention in class (she was reading a book she liked better instead), but she managed to learn the material well enough in the end. (As I am typing this, I am thinking about some of the posters who suggested ADD; I have no idea even how to start with figuring out if that is part of D's problem, but it might be worht investigating . . .).

I think to some extent, most of us can avoid thinking about the consequences of something we don't want to do. I managed to forget/be too busy to call the dentist for an appointment every day last week, and just called today after I left a big reminder sign on my computer last night and resolved that I would not log on until I had called. I think D's situation is somewhat the same--she knows she needs to figure out how to turn in the paper and get the grade changed (the way I knew I needed to call the dentist all last week), but she can put it out of her mind. I don't know what will get her to the point of deciding, okay, I am going to do this now.

[HarvestMoon1]

Am I missing something here? It would take just a phone call or an e-mail to resolve this, right? I am having a difficult time understanding all the hoopla and analysis over one measly phone call.

[SteveMA]

colorado_mom--It has nothing to do with how smart someone is and everything to do with letting your children discover information on their own. I am sure that EVERY child at some point missed and assignment because they were sick, at the orthodontist, or just plain forgot. When that grade shows up as "missing" the CHILD should talk to the teacher about how to make it up, not the PARENT. Again, this is NOT an uncommon in MIDDLE SCHOOL where this lesson should be learned....not SENIOR year in COLLEGE.

[Chedva]

I would not call the school but I would nag my kid and let her know I expected that part of my investment in her education was expecting her to graduate on time.

The latter part I agree with. She should know the expectations.

The nagging? Has that really ever worked for you, prefect? That's my only point.

[Hunt]

I checked the student handbook and I didn't find anything about how long before an I becomes an F. At this point I will give it until at least Tuesday before I ask her if she has made any progress on getting the grade changed . . .

One suggestion--how you ask her can make a big difference. Thus, if you say, "Have you done anything about that incomplete yet?"--she will definitely take that as nagging, and will be resistant, even if she knows she should do something. I would suggest wording it more like: "So, what did you finally do about that incomplete from the summer?" This wording doesn't suggest that she did nothing (even if that's what you think is most likely). It allows her to respond that she's still working on it. Resist the urge to ask a lot of followup questions.

[fogfog]

I was just reading some great threads and thought this BRILLIANT...

The scion was doing laundry and somehow the socks went missing.

"Someone took my socks. I need socks"

"Someone took your socks. Really," I replied.

"Can you mail me some socks?"

"Can I m-a-i-l you some socks?" I replied.

"Can you mail me socks. I have no socks."

"Can I mail you socks?" I replied.

"Are you going to just repeat back to me what I already said to you?"

"Am I?" I said.

"Are you?" he said, finally catching on.

""Are you?" Is that the question, you are asking me?" I said.

"Can I please talk to Mom?"

"Can you?", I replied.

"Should I just go to the store and buy some socks then?"

"Should you?" I replied.

"Okaaaaay."


Dreams die hard.

Sometimes the parents have a hard time letting go...
sometimes its the students...





imho

IF
we are doing something that inhibits our sons and daughters from being independent..
and keeping them from learning from their own mistakes,
keeping them from negotiating through their own issues with grocery budgets, roommates, professors and assignments etc..
then yes we are helicopters.

IF we are advising for say a legal contract, landlord/tenant issues so they can handle it on their own...with a bit of wisdom, then its helping.