Are single rooms/apartments too isolating?

collegeshopping · 10-17-2012, 11:25 AM

Our daughter would like to be in an one bedroom apartment next year. She has lived successfully with a roommate last year and this. She is extremely social and said there are times that she just wants what is now nonexistent alone time. Besides the cost, are there any other cons? She is in a sorority and the apartments she likes are right next to the house.

jym626 · 10-17-2012, 11:29 AM

If she is social and able to balance her alone/friend time, and is right by her sorority, it sounds fine. Is the complex a full of students as well?

blueiguana · 10-17-2012, 11:43 AM

I think for a first year student, unless there are extreme extenuating circumstances, a single can be too isolating. After that if they have a group of friends, are social, and involved in university life, I see no reason not to let them choose a single room if finances are not an obstacle. A compromise may be a two bedroom/two bath apartment shared with one other person, giving each person a great deal of privacy, but still not being totally isolated. It really depends on the person.

MomofWildChild · 10-17-2012, 11:46 AM

My daughter got her own apartment junior year and was completely ready. After 2 years of boarding school and 2 years of college, she was tired of living with others. It worked great for her.

Son had a single freshman year on a very busy hall in his dorm and it certainly didn't harm his social life at all. (I wish.....) He, too, got an apartment by himself for his last two years of college.

I think your daughter's situation sounds perfect.

SteveMA · 10-17-2012, 11:49 AM

For a junior, she is capable of knowing if it is right for her or not. I would not let a freshman/sophomore rent a single apartment, but I would be ok with a sophomore in a single in a dorm. I would not be ok with a freshman in a single anything.

zoosermom · 10-17-2012, 12:03 PM

My D is a junior this year and has a single room. She has a super-tough course load this year, so she feels that the privacy and control of her environment are the most important thing. She also has a wide circle of friends and an active extracurricular life, as well as a job, so she doesn't lack for companionship. If your daughter thinks it's right for her, it probably is.

07DAD · 10-17-2012, 12:30 PM

S did freshman dorm w/roommate, soph (he was considered a junior --APs) he went dorm single, junior he was solo in an off-campus rooming house (converted 1890's 3 story house) but it was very close to campus and near other off-campus housing) and senior off campus 2 BR apartment w/roommate.

I agree that if your D is interested in solo then she's probably going to be fine.

Marian · 10-17-2012, 12:34 PM

In my experience, a single room in a dorm is fine, even for a freshman. There are plenty of opportunities to meet people. Living in a single need not be isolating.

Living in an apartment is an entirely different matter. You don't tend to meet people in the place where you live. I would strongly discourage freshmen from living in apartments. For upperclassmen, who usually have an established social circle already, the situation is different, though. It's usually not a problem.

mathmom · 10-17-2012, 01:16 PM

I don't have any problems with singles on a hall. Halls tend to be very socializing all on their own. Apartments are another matter - I'm not really even a fan of suites. But a rising junior with plenty of friends, I think will be fine, though she may be underestimating how little you meet other people in most apartment buildings.

stradmom · 10-17-2012, 07:16 PM

Both my daughters have had single rooms on campus, and that was fine (although one had some challenges because all of her friends were assigned to housing across campus). A single apartment I'd have more issues with, unless it happened to be in a building where many students happen to rent studio apartments. Even then, I'd advocate for sharing.

cptofthehouse · 10-17-2012, 07:25 PM

It depends on the student. The OP's DD, to me, would be fine. For some kids, it is too isolating. However, a single room in a dorm, to me is not isolating, many times. Apartments are a whole other story. I think apartments,as a rule, are more isolating and for some students, not a good choice, though that seems to be the way to go for most upperclassmen these days.

scout59 · 10-17-2012, 08:10 PM

Don't listen to us internet strangers, collegeshopping - what does your gut tell you? Do you think it's a good option for your daughter?

My own D lived alone in an off-campus apartment as a junior and senior. Like your D, she really wanted to live this way but unlike your daughter, she is not so social. She is an only child who has always valued her own space while maintaining a small circle of friends.

I worried about her and worked myself into a tizzy over about the situation. In retrospect I should not have worried. She loved/loves living by herself, made several new friends (both on-campus and in her neighborhood), and thrived both socially and academically. I should have trusted my initial intuition and I should have trusted her more.

cptofthehouse · 10-17-2012, 10:24 PM

I agree with Scout, in that you are the one who knows your daughter the best. You also know the college, the area, the safety issues, etc. As a mom, I would worry about my kids living alone in an apartment. I don't like the idea that there isn't that there isn't someone else there, just in case something happens. I know the time will likely come and soon that my kids will be living alone, but for me, I would like a little bit more time than the second year of college. But then , I didn't want them off campus when they went either.

The pitfalls of living all alone is that there is noone there to watch your back. You may be going home alone a lot, spending time a one a lot. If you go off course, there is no one to give you a bump. My son's freshman year roommate and good friend, got his own place the next year, a very nice apartment, and had a mini breakdown. Had he not been at a small LAC, where a prof noticed him missing from class several days in a row nad checked it out, it could have been a problem. The guy really preferred living alone, loved solitude and neatness, but realized that he was better off with others around to jolly him out of his moods. He moved into a house with DS and friends and though it was not his ideal set up, he realized that it was better for him. He said so much after graduation. And he was from a very well to do famlly that had gotten him sumptuous quarters vs the slum that the group home was.

But the roommates/housemates from hell can be bad too. I have a friend who had to fly cross country, to get her DD's roomate's abusive boyfriend situation resolved. It had escalated to dangerous levels. Having a roommate(s) means having to deal with their issues. And it can get ugly.

I've ended up just letting my college kids know the dangers and drawbacks, and letting them make most decisions of this sort, because their having their way is a big plus in their morale and performance a lot of the time. When they aren't happy, they can blame everything on the situation not being as they wanted it.

Dionysus58 · 10-17-2012, 10:46 PM

Your daughter and every other college student is going to have to get used to being alone eventually, she may as well learn in college. It's an important skill knowing how to be comfortable on your own. Parents deciding whether or not their adult children should live by themselves sounds absurd to me. If she wants to have her own room let her, there are no cons.

Marian · 10-18-2012, 09:56 AM

Quote:

The pitfalls of living all alone is that there is noone there to watch your back. You may be going home alone a lot, spending time a one a lot. If you go off course, there is no one to give you a bump.

In my opinion, it is asking too much of a roommate to expect him/her to play this role. Roommates are not necessarily friends, and they're not obligated to keep tabs on each others' lives.