Suggestions for making contact with Freshman Daughter’s Roommates and Parents

crazed · 10-28-2012, 04:35 PM

Son1- We made contact prior to entering freshmen year.... Met roomies Mom on this site and the kids were put together by the school, not our doing. Saw them at the airport over the years. Not a great match for them so it was glad no one suggested they live together. Not our fault. Both kids were in a special program at the U they attended and lived on the "special" floor. the school put the kids together by home location. My S and his roommate live within 1.2 hr of one another.

Son2- Never met the parents, but took the roommates cell numbers for emergencies, (if necessary).

Have since had other roomies contact info, added on girlfriends cells and have spoken/met GF parents too.

Get a home number and call!!!!!!!!

TexasCollegeMom · 10-28-2012, 04:36 PM

We moved Daughter in week prior to school due to science program so we didn’t get the typical meet roommate/parents experience. We couldn’t afford flights for Parent’s Weekend (Texas to Boston).

I’m so thankful that other families took her out to dinner and invited her over but I feel lost. I would like to send them a thank you note, e-mail or something to express my gratitude but realize I don’t have any contact info or best way to communicate.

How have you contacted your college student’s family or roommates?

Youdon'tsay · 10-28-2012, 04:41 PM

I never have. Freshman roommate was from China. His parents never came to the States. Sophomore roomie was his good friend who lived less than an hour from the college, but ds had to move in early so I still have yet to meet last year's roommate or his family. This year, he's in New Zealand, and I won't be moving him in this winter when he goes back to school so no hope of meeting anyone this year. There's always graduation, I guess!!!

But I understand your feelings. I had romantic notions of how move-in was going to go, too.

3togo · 10-28-2012, 04:45 PM

Ask your daughter to get their contact info and them send them a thank you card or email whichever you prefer.

PS - I'm met about 1/2 of my kid's roommates parents but that mostly involved grunting while passing each other slugging stuff up and down stairs ... I've only have any thing other than a 30 second conversation with one parent of a roommate ... and that was after my daughter and her best friend decided to be roommates.

sheepster · 10-28-2012, 04:48 PM

The only contact we've had with any parents of roommates is face to face, when we all happened to be at school functions (move-in, parents weekends, graduations).
This wasn't very often, as we've also always been thousands of miles away.
Other than that, I do encourage my kids to write thank you notes to families, and sometimes they have sent small boxes of our locally made candy.
In the olden days, before cell phones, we would get a chance to talk to roommates if they answered when we would call the room phone. I miss that.

megpmom · 10-28-2012, 05:33 PM

We asked our D to exchange parent contact info with her roommate freshman year. They ended up living together 2 years. We only met parents once (at orientation) but emailed each other a couple times about various issues. We still send Christmas cards. And they just sent me a condolence card on the death of my father. We take D and (now former) roommate to dinner when we are in town - and roommate's parents do the same. I think sending a thank you note would be a sweet gesture. Never hurts to be polite. Of course, I'm southern so manners are important to me.

Pizzagirl · 10-28-2012, 05:47 PM

I met S's roommate's parents at move-in. They asked for my cell and I gave it to them, as they were nervous and derived comfort from knowing I was local. Never had any contact at all.

I never met D's roommate's parents - roommate was in sports and had already moved in a few days earlier. I had some sporadic email contact with the mother midway through the year when D was diagnosed as needing a gluten free diet - roommate's sister had a similar diagnosis so the mother emailed me with a few helpful tips.

I think backing off is best, as much as it kills us!

Marian · 10-28-2012, 05:52 PM

It would never have occurred to me to contact my kids' roommates or their parents.

It was none of my business.

If all agree, though, I can see why it might be helpful for the parents to have the roommate's cell phone number (and vice versa).

Pizzagirl · 10-28-2012, 06:27 PM

Yes - only to be deployed in a TRUE emergency situation.

stradmom · 10-28-2012, 06:50 PM

Send your D an email to be forwarded to the roomie, who can then forward it to the (very nice) parents.

momofthreeboys · 10-28-2012, 07:26 PM

Ask your daughter for their address. I've never contacted parents of any of the boys' roommates, but I did get a lovely note from S2's roommate's mother freshman year. She was "local" and just wanted me to know if I needed a "parent" for anything she could be there in a couple hours. S2 and that young man are still friends and now we "exchange" Christmas cards...have still never met them....

GladGradDad · 10-28-2012, 09:03 PM

I don't think you should contact the roomie or the roomie's parents. I understand your motivation but your D isn't a little kid anymore - she can do her own 'thanks' to the roomie and the roomie's parents since she's the one who was treated by them.

If the roomie's parents happen to be there when you're there it's nice to be polite and friendly but that's about the limit. You'll possibly creep out your D and her roomie if you start contacting the roomie or her parents even for a nice gesture which is of course what you had in mind.

PackMom · 10-28-2012, 09:11 PM

Both of my S's roomed w/friends from h.s.

I met S1's roommate's parents briefly during at a h.s. junior yr. pre-prom gathering. Didn't see them again until freshman move-in day..had dinner with them that night. That was seven years ago. S1 and his friend still live together..haven't had any contact w/ the roommate's parents since freshman move in.

S2's freshman roommate lived one mile from us. Met his father and brother on move-in day. Moved off campus after freshman yr. w/ old rommate and two new ones (one of which was also a h.s. friend). Met the parents of h.s. friend roomate #2 at beginning of semester.
Never met or talked to the other roommates parents. One of the parents did mail a list of each roommates'cell number and their parents telephone numbers should we need to be in touch.

TexasCollegeMom · 10-28-2012, 10:06 PM

I appreciate the advice and want to treat my daughter as an adult. Part of my concern is that we have no contact information except daughter's cell and university emergency info. We don't have friends or family in the Northeast and Hurricane Sandy is adding to my discomfort.

GladGradDad · 10-28-2012, 11:07 PM

If you have a real concern you can always contact the college to check on things but I would save that for something that's a real concern.

Don't you really have your D's cellphone, D's email, D's FB (if you both use that), your D's IM (if she uses that), etc.? It's not the same as having someone look in on her but chances of you really needing that to be done are very small.

These are all normal feelings you're having though. If this is your first, don't worry, it'll get better once she comes home at Thanksgiving (assuming she will) and again at Christmas. By then you'll be more used to it.