student to be questioned by police

[atomom]

I think it did help that I mentioned that S is autistic when I first talked to the officer. He did seem sympathetic to an "anxious mother," though he pointed out that S is an adult (19/freshman) and needs to take care of his own problems. I agreed that I do want S to be independent and take care of this on his own. I didn't say this, but it is hard to "let go" when your kid doesn't always have common sense or think/react in the "normal" or predictable way. I have very mixed feelings about "enabling"/"helping" S like this. I want him to be able to draw from his own resources, not just ignore the problem or call me. Well, it seems to have been a learning experience for all of us.

Yes, when S first said, "cool beeping sound," I thought, "that sounds SOOOO Autistic!"

[lawfuture]

Atomom: I've been scanning this thread for several days and I am so happy for you that it came to an easy conclusion for you and your son.

As others have said this thread is really a good lesson in what we should teach our kids if they are called in for questioning. I know I will be sharing some of the videos and comments on this thread with my kids over Christmas break, but I'm so sorry you had to go through that fright!

[HImom]

Thanks for the update. Glad your S is now wiser about what actions on his part CAN cause concern and potential questioning by others. Sadly, bad things can happen to good people, especially kids who are trusting and sometimes do things without thinking too far ahead.

Glad to have viewed the videos again and think they are good for all ages, just to protect ourselves. Did send them to my kids, but have no idea if they did or will watch them. S has always tended to be pretty private and cautious. D is becoming moreso after her one very upsetting experience with campus security.

Hope everyone has a great weekend and only positive encounters with our police and campus security officers.

[zobroward]

" he pointed out that S is an adult (19/freshman) and needs to take care of his own problems"
right there is a warning flag! do not let a cop bully you with mind games!

[Mamadubbs]

Phew! So glad the mystery was solved atomom. I cried when I read your post. I can only imagine the anxiety and stress you've gone through. The cool beeping sound got me! Lesson learned and I'll be sure to share with my D before she heads off to college next fall. Happy hugs to you that it all worked out fine

[Artsue40]

So glad it turned out alright. Thanks for sharing. My son who is autistic will be attending college next year. Though we think something like that is "so autistic", apparently others don't and take it far more seriously. I will definitely have a conversation with my son about dealing with the police if it occurs!

[Modadunn]

While I am very glad to have always told my kids to be polite with a wish to be helpful albeit with an attorney present, I am so glad of the previous post about not pushing your kids to tell you the whole truth of something if they have gotten themselves in legitimate trouble. While in writing I can see how it's true, but I had no real concept of you having to testify against your child. That is a YIKES that kinda makes my heart stop.

But about those key cards... when I relayed the story about my S getting called in and repeating over and over again how he'd like to be helpful but needed an attorney (and there was indeed some threats and bullying going on probably in the hopes that something he might say would incriminate him), they actually narrowed in on him due to the timing of his swiping his card key into the dorm. He had run home when he saw security come to this party... his running was a sign of guilt (which I agree except it wasn't the guilt they were thinking it was) and so they just did a time check of the nearest buildings which was easy on their part.

But I totally stick to my original assessment... what if someone had actually broken into that lab that night and caused all kinds of damage or stolen something (e.g., that woman that went in after them)? They could have twisted all kinds of things, even though he had the alibi that he was with his sister. In fairness, I know campus security has asked my son questions before and he willingly answered, but this was decidedly different in that he was officially called in. Let's just say I know he had enough interactions with the one guy because after his 21st birthday they became friends on Facebook!!!

[maidenMom]

Glad you updated and all is well!!!!

[rushedmom]

I am so happy to hear this has turned out to be minor. I know you must be relieved.

[jonri]

Hugs!

I'm really glad it all turned out well for your son.

I suspect it really did help in this particular case that you explained your son is autistic. It "sounds" as if you got someone who actually knows what that means.

I'm a bit afraid, though, that some readers of this thread will conclude that the attorneys who advised against having your S talk to the cops were being alarmist. Quite seriously,we weren't.

The example I use with my own clients--I do stuff related to securities--is Martha Stewart. She was NOT convicted of securities fraud. She was convicted of making a false statement to a FBI rep and of obstructing justice.

When she was questioned by a FBI rep, she was not under oath. She lied to him. She was convicted of doing so. She also talked to the sales assistant to her broker and asked him about what he planned to say when he was questioned. Yes, it gets more complicated at that point...but everyone agrees she asked him what he was going to say.

So seriously, if your kid is in trouble..do NOT ask him what he "really" did and do NOT tell him to talk to his roommates and dorm mates to find out whether they have been contacted and what they plan to say.

As one criminal attorneys I know puts in, "Just tell him to keep his **** mouth shut!"