Has anyone called admissions to have their kid rejected?

[colorado_mom]

This thread prompted a funny memory. At orientation, a college speaker gave a "Letting Go" presentation to the parents. She had six grown children and was an excellent speaker. She warned that the pre-college summer can be tough. Students start "soiling the nest" in prep of independence. She joked that she had called the college in July about one daughter and asked, "Can you take her NOW?"

[Philovitist]

OP: Just get your own CC account if you don't want to appear as a troll. It's easy to get one.

Why are you going through people's old posts?

[CuriousJane]

I've read several threads on CC by students who contacted/planned to contact schools to withdraw applications or ask to be rejected. In those cases their parents had made them apply to schools that they absolutely didn't want to attend.

No, I absolutely would not sabotage a child's application. It's too bad that some children feel that they have to sabotage their own.

My parents really wanted my sister to go to the Ivy League. She wanted our state flagship so they compromised that she would apply to 3 schools, Harvard, Yale, and the flagship.

She scheduled interviews with Harvard and Yale, and when asked "why do you want to attend . . . " told them "I don't, I hate your school, please reject me". They complied and she went to the flagship.

[keepittoyourself]

I can imagine someone rejected by Harvard and Yale telling a similar story.

[oneeyedfinch]

To all the troll advice givers. Thank you. I didn't even know anything about this troll behavior. My daughter had this account a few years ago and barely used it. I asked my best friend, who is on CC all the time, this question about calling a school's admission's department and she naturally said to take it to the experts: CC's Parent Thread. I pulled up my daughter's username, completely innocently to ask the question immediately. Whoever looked up my daughters prior posts clearly saw one or two regarding her college experience and they let the troll name calling begin. I promise to get my own account if I dare to ask another question. I can't believe how helpful this process has been. On so many levels.

[keepittoyourself]

How old were you when you moved to the US from Italy?

[oneeyedfinch]

As I said in post #67, I'm italian by birth, second generation. I never said I lived Italy just that I was Italian. When both parents are Italian and you are raised in a very Italian household, some traditions never assimilate--like raising a son you are very protective of. Not to mention the whole family--grandparents, aunts, cousins are all involved in the raising of a child. Input on every decision is discussed at family dinners weekly. Many of you are shaking you heads but it is a huge support system based on love. Of course, you can see why I needed to turn to CC to ask my initial question. Can you image me bringing it up at Sunday dinner?

[keepittoyourself]

Ahh when you said you were Italian by birth I thought you meant that you were born in Italy. So you're Italian-American, not Italian.

[HarvestMoon1]

Oneeyedfinch, we certainly are an opinionated bunch here on CC. But then that is the beauty of this forum. I understand completely your concerns, and would be likewise put off if in your situation. No family should reasonably be expected to underwrite a $40,000 + tuition bill for a student who states that his primary reason for choosing a particular university is to "party". Further, his refusal to even visit the school, and properly evaluate whether it is really a good fit, leads me to believe that you do indeed need to put the brakes on. If it is truly your son's intent to view college as a 4 year party, then I think there should be a major re-evaluation done on a lot of fronts.

The method that you propose, however, indicates that you are reluctant to be upfront with your son, and that you believe you have no standing to simply say "no". You are proposing to take the back door, and have the University do, what you as a parent should be doing. I also believe that it could undermine your future relationship with your son.

I guess what I am saying is that I agree with your attempt to get your son to view college as a serious undertaking, but I think you need to find another method to accomplish your goal. My suggestion would be to sit your son down and have a very honest discussion about what it means for your family to fund his education. Many applicants would be absolutely thrilled to be standing in your son's shoes when it comes to college funding. If you have certain expectations then I would put them on the table at that time, and hold him to them.

I perceive an imbalance here in the parent/child relationship.

[NJres]

oneeyedfinch, Feel free to ignore questions that are inappropriate, intrusive, or none of anyone's business. I think you have done more than enough to reassure the paranoid that you are not a student playing a trick on the scholarly elders of this illustrious forum by asking provocative questions.

[astrophysicsmom]

Doesn't take much to get this bunch riled up, huh?

That being said, I agree with all the rest, that if your son's main purpose is to party, he can do that ANYWHERE. (it may take a bit of extra work at Bob Jones University, but I'm sure there are still opportunities).

My kiddos both went to a big-name state public U that regularly makes the "party school" lists (and I spend time every year explaining to parents on CC that yes, it is possible to attend and NOT be a party animal, or that it is possible to attend parties (within limits) and still get excellent grades). Oldest D is now in Ph.D. program at Harvard, youngest will be graduating with 2 degrees in May.

Bottom line, yes, you should address the potential of all the "opportunities" (good and bad) at any school your kid considers. It was always clear in our family that we weren't planning to finance a 4-yr party, (luckily it was never an issue). I did talk to both of them before they went to school about the real-world experiences that they would face (and need to make decisions about) when they got to school.....drinking, drugs, sex, etc. I trusted them both to make the right decisions, and they have (and do).

Good luck to you. (haha, and I'd advise that get your own ID for future posts so no one will accuse you of trolling anymore, and to start anew without all the baggage of this thread!)

[GladGradDad]

troll name calling...

It wasn't 'name calling' but rather, a flag to posters (hence 'troll alert') that the OP is likely not who they say they are and therefore might choose to not take the OP seriously. This happens fairly frequently on CC with kids pretending to be adults, kids pretending to be adults with a made up story just to get a reaction out of the CCers, etc.

As to why I or someone else would go back and read other posts, I, and I assume most, don't normally do that unless what's stated in the post just doesn't sound right and they're trying to get a feel for whether the question is legitimate rather than a troll post (i.e. just playing with CCers trying to get a reaction). Frankly, your post didn't sound like anything most parents would actually do hence my check where I found earlier posts with the moniker as a student.

No one's saying 'troll' to call names or try to be mean - it's just a descriptive term for the situation I described above.

Good luck with your S. Being open and straghtforward with him rather than sabotaging/undermining him behind his back will serve you well. Kids often use parents' actions as examples of appropriate behavior and I'm sure you don't want him to behave similarly towards you. He's also at that point where he's about to leave home and be on his own. Your time of complete control over him while you were raising him is coming to an end as is the natural course. You want a decent relationship with him from here on out but in order to do so he has to 'want' one and participate and you don't want to do anything to inhibit that.

You're certainly within your rights to not pay more than a certain amount for college (or pay nothing at all) and you do have a right to not pay for certain colleges of which you don't approve for one reason or another but for the latter, make sure you really do your homework and not potentially cause a wedge in your relationship over trivial gross generalizations about a particular college. Regardless of the college he goes to he's on his own to control his own behavior regarding partying, girls, alcohol, drugs, studies, and everything else and there's nothing unique about this one college vs another regarding being a responsible mature person since he can behave poorly or properly at any college.

[nj2011mom]

Who paid the application fee? I would refuse to pay the application fee to a school that I thought my child wanted to apply to if in the end I would not be willing to have him/her attend.

[oneeyedfinch]

Not only did I pay for the application, I helped him send it because I'm a doormat. I kept thinking he would outgrow this desire to go to Miami. He agreed to ED to a school he liked throughout the process but then suddenly in early September after talking to his buddies he decided that Miami would be a cool school to go to. So the same day we sent the ED we sent three EAs. He already heard from a state school that he has been accepted. The reason I originally asked the question, "can a parent call admissions and ask to have their kid rejected" was because the ED is a very good possibility and I didn't want him wondering forever if Miami would have accepted him. We are going to have to pull the Miami application if his ED comes through so I just thought a rejection would be better then pulling it in the long run. I am stunned I am clearly the first and only parent to ever think of asking a college to reject an application.

[mythmom]

For one thing, why would a college do that? Their relationship is with the student, not the parent. When he turns 18, if he isn't already, the college won't even share his grades or health issues with you unless he signs a waiver.

And you would rather he believe he's rejected than pull an application? That doesn't seem especially good for self esteem. Are you afraid he'll refuse to attend his ED school? Does he understand that that is a binding agreement?

Or perhaps he is adopting similar methods and is thinking of sabotaging that application.