Not getting into a frat

momwithquestions · 02-02-2006, 02:42 PM

How do you handle the situation if your child didn't into any frats at a frat dominated school?

weenie · 02-02-2006, 02:46 PM

I know he probably feels bad (and that's part of what I hate about frats/sororities), but I'd probably breathe a sigh of relief.

interesteddad · 02-02-2006, 02:57 PM

I'd pop open a bottle of champagne and celebrate.

mezzomom · 02-02-2006, 03:01 PM

Mom, you might want to search for Fredo's similar situation with her daughter last year. I don't share the other posters complete disdain for frats, but I was an independent myself back in the day so I don't have any personal experience with that particular sting of "rejection."

NJres · 02-02-2006, 03:06 PM

I don't know what a parent can do, but I know students who transfered after not getting into their desired frat (or srat) they felt socially out of it.

hazmat · 02-02-2006, 03:11 PM

Is your question about how to go through the process of obtaining a bid later.......housing for next year? Social outcast syndrome? How to help your son with rejection or all of the above. I realize that many folks here are telling you to celebrate but this is really about your son am I understanding your questions?

warblersrule86 · 02-02-2006, 03:20 PM

It's ok to be at a frat-dominated school and not be in a frat. Frat parties are usually open to everyone, so you don't miss much in that respect.

Does his school have selective living groups (foreign laguage dorms, music dorms, etc.)? These give you a sense of community without the possible drawbacks of frat life, so they might be better in the long run.

hazmat · 02-02-2006, 03:23 PM

Not getting an invite to your best friend's birthday party cannot be salved by joining a nerd patrol.......just remember that many of this guys friends may have received bids, leaving him out in the cold....always a guest. It can hurt kids a great deal. Make studying hard and now he has to arrange for housing for next year.

1sokkermom · 02-02-2006, 03:25 PM

"I'd pop open a bottle of champagne and celebrate."

Does anyone else see the irony in this? How is it that an adult can open a bottle of alcohol and "celebrate", yet a frat boy will tap a keg and binge drink?

Momwithquestions:
I'm not sure what you mean by a frat dominated school. Many schools are thought to be "frat dominated", when in actuality less than 30% of the male students on campus may actually be fraternity brothers. I think you can remind your son that there are still many students who do not belong to a fraternity on campus, and that there are many other activities that he can get involved with. My S has found many friends through non-fraternity activities, such as club sports and other organizations. He has more in common with some of these guys, and they tend to socialize together as well. He actually pledged a fraternity as a freshman, and decided it was not for him. Both he (and his current roommate) quit. They still seem to have a pretty good social life, and S is dating a wonderful girl he met on campus. She may even be a sorority *gasp* girl who doesn't drink........

interesteddad · 02-02-2006, 03:54 PM

Quote:

Does anyone else see the irony in this? How is it that an adult can open a bottle of alcohol and "celebrate", yet a frat boy will tap a keg and binge drink?

I'd include son in the champagne celebration.

lderochi · 02-02-2006, 04:14 PM

Without getting into the (endless) debate that always pops up on this forum when it comes to the Greek system, I'd look at Fredo's thread from last Fall -- similar situation, but with a sorority.

Nervous wreck over sorority rush!

runnersmom · 02-02-2006, 04:16 PM

Momwithquestions...you beat me to it. My S is going through the same experience as we speak. He's hurting, so I'm hurting and though I've told him, "It sucks, but you'll get through it" I'm not sure he believes that today. Maybe tomorrow. Hazmat, you've nailed it. That's the situation in a nutshell.

DianeR · 02-02-2006, 04:38 PM

There's always next year. My son didn't make it into a frat on his first try. The next year he tried again and made it. With another year he had more of a chance to develop a group of friends, go to frat parties, etc. OK, he moved to the frat house in his junior year rather than his sophomore year, but he is happy he didn't give up on something he really wanted.

Maybe with another year of maturity, he realized that not getting in wasn't the end of the world and went into rush without the same desperate need to please. Second time around, he took the attitude, "well, I'm checking you out too ... if you don't want me, I probably wouldn't want you either."

hazmat · 02-02-2006, 04:52 PM

Sad as it is.....the learning curve for rush is steep.....too steep for some kids. Much of the process is about knowing thyself, selling thyself and estimating the atmosphere. These are all things that require introspection and acceptance of self. Unfortunately those who haven't mastered it are those who hurt from exclusion the most. It is a hard thing. At this point the best thing to help someone, your sons, is to listen, listen, listen. Telling them how great they are and that the house is the one losing doesn't cut it this soon. Save it for your adult conversations. Think of be a friend to have a friend, think of plans for your sons that include making connections w/ other interests.

acinva · 02-02-2006, 05:49 PM

Sure there's always next year, sure you can always go to the parties as a guest, and sure not everybody at the school is in a fraternity, but nonetheless, this is a personal rejection that hurts :-( Just be supportive and remind him what a great guy he is and suggest that he get involved in some other extracurricular activities at school to meet new people. Hanging around with all of his friends that have gotten into the fraternities might be a constant reminder to him which wouldn't be good. Hang in there -- this too shall pass.