Parents: how do you feel about fraternities?

Cressmom · 03-14-2006, 09:20 AM

Do you give any advice to your sons about how to behave and be safe at the parties?
Do you know the frat policies? Are you comfortable letting your children participate in parties out of town with overnights?

lderochi · 03-14-2006, 09:48 AM

INCOMING!!

Just kidding, Cressmom. You have asked a question that tends to generate some emotional responses among the members of the Parents Forum.

SuNa · 03-14-2006, 10:08 AM

I have never understood the practice of joining exclusive social groups in college. The operative word in my objection is exclusive.

However, I don't think frats have a monopoly on drinking and bad behavior, and it appears that many fraternities in the school my son will go to next year, are not so exclusive. Fraternity housing might be better than other options when my son reaches his sophomore year. So . . . I am going to refrain from making any comments, and wait and see what friends he makes and what he/they choose to do.

cangel · 03-14-2006, 11:49 AM

lderochi, you made my day! I had the exact thought, I just didn't express it as well, more on the order of Oh Lord, here it comes again!

mini · 03-14-2006, 11:57 AM

I'm beginning to think that a small number of drunken besotted fraternities (and I mean that the way I said it) might be a good thing. On the Charlotte Simmons forum, some folks seemed to assume that the conditions I referenced at "college #1" were happenings at fraternities. But the school has no fraternities, and the "indecorous" behavior (I'm struggling for words) besets the general population. If those who enjoy "unseemliiness" were gathered up into drunken fraternities, maybe folks could inhabit the rest of the campus in peace?

Of course, there comes to be a tipping point, too, where besotted behavior spills out over the doorsteps of the fraternities and on to the campus as a whole.

For those of you who lived in dry fraternities where you spent every weekend raising funds for artificial limbs for Cambodian children struck by landmines and accompanying service dogs to play with Alzheimers patients, I hereby offer my abject apologies.

Cressmom · 03-14-2006, 12:21 PM

I like your conclusion, mini!
Don't you think that fraternities do more wild partying than charity?
I have an issue right now with a formal and the pressure to the new members to spend the night with their dates, if it is all about the party, why don't the boys shared rooms with boys and the girls with girls if they don't want anything else?

xiggi · 03-14-2006, 12:48 PM

Cressmom, you're doing the right thing by ... asking the questions. If you search on past discussions on this subject, you'll find the divergent opinions which Lderochi hinted to. Having lost one my dearest friends in an "accident" DIRECTLY caused by the actions of a fraternity, it is impossible for me to remain unbiased. One of my vivid memories of the reactions to this most sad event were the expressions of guilt by the parents. They openly wondered why they spent so much time worrying about the impact of unprotected sex, illegal drugs, drunken driving, and other potential dangerous activities, that they did not realize the extent of alcohol poisoning and the resulting deaths from alcohol on college campuses.

I would recommend to check this site: http://www.thegordiefoundation.org/home/default.asp

There isn't a day in my life that goes by without a reminder of the short life of my friend Gordie. If only one person can be saved by reading his story, his early departure would not have been in vain.

I hope that you'll find the right answers to your questions.

jags86 · 03-14-2006, 12:52 PM

getting invited to a formal could very well be translated into-

"hey, what are you doing the weekend of x. i want you to come to formal so we can get drunk and have lots of sex together in a hotel room. don't worry im paying for everything"

guys and girls alike understand this.

tactics22 · 03-14-2006, 01:00 PM

As my father told me when I joined a fraternity:

"Son, I'm glad you joined a fraternity, and I'll be even happier when you outgrow it"

At the time I didn't understand him, but three years later I did.

SuNa · 03-14-2006, 01:00 PM

xiggi, thank you so much for the information on Gordie. I have put the site on my favorites list and will add it to a short list of required reading for my 18-year old S this summer as he prepares to leave for college.

Cressmom · 03-14-2006, 01:15 PM

xiggi, thank you for the web site.

dke · 03-14-2006, 02:04 PM

I remember visiting a friend at Dartmouth one weekend, and wanting to check out the fraternities as I'd never been in one before. She warned me not to ("they're awful!! You'll be sorry!") but I insisted. I should've heeded her advice. Talk about Animal House! Had the same experience at U. Mass and Brown. I wonder if things have changed since then. If not, I hope my kids don't join one! YUK.

jlauer95 · 03-14-2006, 10:11 PM

As a former sorority girl (Delta Zeta) and "little sis" (Chi Delphia) to a fraternity (Delta Chi) I offer this:

I have two sons and I've told both that I would prefer that they NOT join a frat. While my sorority had a very high graduation rate, the frats at my college did not. The partying took on a life of its own and took many casualties with it. I am also sorry to say that many of those boys ended up having serious drinking problems which affected both their careers and marriages.

jlauer95 · 03-14-2006, 10:16 PM

Xiggi: so sorry for the tragic loss of your beloved friend Gordie. This why I never believe it when frats say that they aren't allowed to do hazing anymore. This frat was probably making the same claim before this tragic loss.

UCLAri · 03-14-2006, 11:20 PM

Hang on a sec...

Why is it the frat's fault that someone didn't have self-control? Not to marginalize your friend's death, xiggi, but I don't see why this is anyone else's fault but his own. Unless they put a gun to his head, he chose to down those drinks.

Self-responsibility, folks. It sucks.